Post # 1
I am a 23 year old waiting for my man to propose for what seems like an eternity!
When i met him 4 years ago it was amazing, i was never the type interested in marriage and babies.
4 years later and we moved in 2 years ago and have a young baby – no can’t quite believe it myself – but i LOVE it! Now – what would really make my year would be some commitment from him.
He had it planned for my 21st but someone jokingly said to me what would you do if he proposed – and not taking it seriously told him thinking we could have a laugh about it – he was actually planning that – gutted!! Now thats well over 2 years ago and still nothing =(
Things are good between us – since having baby i kind of just feel like a mum and not much else, most of our time is devoted to our child and im fine with that but when he gets the opportunity he rarely wants to make the most of it with “just me” he has become distant and rarely shows his feelings anymore – it was something to do with while i was pregnant he was scared 2 touch me – we had a miscarriage a few years ago and i think he was frightened something may happen again – well i am not pregnant anymore and have lost all my baby weight and not much has changed.
In this time his brother has proposed to his girlfriend of 3 months?!?!!!! crikey – it has all come to light though why it has all been so rushed – baby due spring!! Something i am glad of is that he didn’t do it while i was pregnant – would hate to be one of those girls who gets asked whilst pregnant as it just looks like he’s doing it because of the baby.
He knows asking me to marry him, me being able to plan a wedding and getting the last name as him and my baby would make me so incredibly happy – really would be my icing on the cake at the minute. He keeps saying he wants the same but doesn’t do anything about it =( and i really don’t want to come over being pushy!
I am at the point now where i just feel he either doesnt want to be with me or he is actually that much of an idiot 🙁 I have toyed at the idea of giving him until christmas to give him chance to commit to me or else i am out of that door – i deserve better than having to wait around…
Post # 3
Have you tried just straight out asking him whether he plans to propose soon? You need a direct answer, either he wants to marry you or he doesn’t. Either way, you need to know the truth so you can plan your future.
Post # 4
i sure have.. he says yes but am still waiting 🙁
Post # 5
It’s definitely time for a serious talk. You two have a baby and if you both feel that you want to spend the rest of your life together, then marriage should be something that “he wants to do something about”. This may sound unromantic, but there are all kinds of legal reasons to get married if you have a baby with someone. What if he dies unexpectedly? Or becomes disabled and can’t help you financially? What kind of benefits would you and the baby be entitled to? This may sound kind of blunt, but if he loves you, marriage should be something he cares about.
And as Sassy pointed out, you really need to plan for your future in case things don’t go your way.
Post # 6
This is exactly my point but he just shushes me down as i think he wants to do it in his own time. As i say he’s got till end of year, if theres no sign of any committment by then i think am better off alone..
Post # 7
I think this is one of those times that an ultimatum is necessary 🙁
Post # 8
He shouldn’t need more time. Armchair psychologist speaking: my advice to women in your situation is to take of yourself and your baby first. Do whatever it takes. You have nothing to lose at this point.
Post # 9
My husband knew that I wanted him to WANT to ask me to marry him, but he also knew that my patience had it’s limits and that at some point the day would come that I’d be fed up with waiting and move on. I didn’t threaten him with it, just told him honestly that he has his choices to make and I have mine.
I think it’s a good idea to really think deep within yourself and come up with a timeline (which you have based on your last post) of when you are willing to wait for.
*hugs* I know my brother was a bit engagement shy by the time he met my SIL. He’d been burned 2x’s by different ladies, so he took his sweet time in proposing to my SIL. Sometimes guys can be ultra sensitive about things, and I think proposals are one of those times. 🙂 Hopefully he’ll step up and realize that this is the right time to ask now!
Post # 10
Thanks for all your advise and for not being negative about my desicion and for putting a time scale in place, i really thought i’d get ripped in to for that – this is one of the nicest boards I have ever been on 🙂 and i only came acoss it as i googled whether it was normal for me to be jealous over OH’s brothers engagement to his girlfriend =)
Post # 11
In that case, I think you have to ignore the words & focus on the behavior. He may say he wants to marry you, but his actions are indicating otherwise.
I think you have to take control of your own future back. Decide how much longer you can tolerate the situation & be prepared to walk away if he can’t give you what you want.
The important thing is to focus on yourself & your baby, not on “him” & what he wants, what he’s going to do, etc. You have no control over that.