Post # 1
Hey ladies! So I’ve posted before about a flaky Bridesmaid or Best Man in my sister’s wedding. (I’m the MOH). Everything has boiled over and now we have 2 BM’s with serious issues. So Bridesmaid or Best Man C used to be super involved with the planning but let her bad relationship get the best of her and now doesn’t speak much to my sister. We had to drag her to get shoes a few months ago. C has completely fallen off the face of the earth. A few months back, I ordered tickets for all of us to see Legally Blonde the Musical on Broadway for the bachelorette party. C has neglected to send me her share. After asking for my address 3 times. Then C and my sister had a fight over email and I think C is expecting to quit the wedding or get kicked out by my sister. So I emailed C and told her that I know things were rocky with her and my sister, but that girl friends are important and they should try to work things out. Also, I’m paying interest on her ticket, so please send money. Her response was that she called ticketmaster and arranged for me to get a refund if I want one. And she can’t get a hold of my sister (which I know isn’t true). What?
It gets better. There’s a second bridesmaid that refuses to respond to any forms of communication and is also withholding her money. I’ve offered her an out a few times in case it’s too expensive, but she’s just been non-responsive. I finally got an email for her that said she hadn’t been checking email. That was it. No "I’m sorry I haven’t gotten back to you. I will/won’t be sending you a check this week/never."
I’m so fed up. I need to move on with my plans, but it’s hard when the headcount is up in the air. Sorry this is long, but I could really use some guidance. 🙂
Post # 3
what a pain – your sister is lucky to have you. for the headcount question, not sure if you can get your money back on the tickets you’ve already spent or not, but it seems a call to the BMs in question is in order. Let them know that you need the money by x date or the tickets are going back. You’ve given them plenty of opportunity to respond via email and you can’t float the tickets any longer. Perhaps say that you would love to have them participate, but understand if it is too expensive. That said, it would be appreciated if they could be a little more responsive, especially as the wedding approaches.
If that doesn’t prod them along, then you should definitely not buy things on their behalf or plan on them to do anything other than show up at the wedding.
Post # 4
I read your post and so much drama just makes be cringe.
First, with regards to the bachelorette, it sounds like you need to make some voice calls and follow-up emails to the MIA bridesmaids, and the other bridesmaids, so everyone is on the same page and knows what’s going on. Give them an absolute deadline to respond, and let them know what the consequences will be for not responding (e.g. you will invite someone else in their place or sell their ticket, etc.) You cannot contol other people’s actions or inaction, so move on with your plans. The wayward BM’s actions or inaction are their own responsibility. It will be their loss if they fail to respond and miss out on the fun.
Second,it sounds like you are getting overly involved in your sisters Bridesmaid or Best Man drama. Only she can decide if she wants the wayward BMs to continue being in her wedding. Its her and her BMs relationship on the line, and she should be the one dealing with these problems. Your involvement may be perceived as ganging up on the wayward BMs, which may be causing them to get defensive.
Be a sympathetic ear for your sister, a shoulder to lean on-that is a MOH’s job, not fighting the brides personal battles for her.
Post # 5
I just wanted to clarify that I have been friends with Bridesmaid or Best Man C for a long time. And I became involved in the drama when it affected my planning and my credit card balance. My plan is to call Bridesmaid or Best Man C tonight and to explain to her (again) that all drama aside, I need to know her intentions with our bachelorette weekend so I can find a replacement if necessary. I also think it’s important as a surrogate older sister to Bridesmaid or Best Man C that you shouldn’t just throw a friendship out the window when the going gets tough.
Thanks for your help!