(Closed) Feel backed up in a corner and don’t want to compromise anymore with my parents!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry.  Is there any way that you can scrape together the money to hire a student photographer yourself?  I think that is going to be something that you regret if you don’t have pictures.  I understand that the honeymoon thing gets you down but my husband and I weren’t able to go on one either.  Yes, it makes you sad but it doesn’t sound like you would have had the money for it anyway right now.  Once you two are working you will be make lots (hopefully) and can go to Bora Bora or anywhere else!

Post # 5
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree that hiring a student photographer would be a good idea. Your parents and FIL’s might not have felt that was important for them but it feels like it’s important to YOU, so if you can get the money together, do it! As for the honeymoon, what about taking a trip somewhere for a night or two after the wedding, even just to a nearby hotel. It will give the two of you a chance to spend some time alone. Then maybe on your year anniversary, or whenever you’ve saved up enough money, go on a nice trip 🙂

I think everyone makes at least SOME compromises. We’ve had to make very few due to the fact that we’re paying for half the wedding and his parents (who are paying for the other half) aren’t putting stipulations on us (thank goodness!). I think our biggest compromise is not getting a house until after the wedding because we’re spending so much on the wedding that we want to have another year or so to save up for a house after the wedding. We knew that having my mother pay for it was not an option because she would have made all kinds of ridiculous stipulations and we decided we’d rather pay for it ourselves and his parents graciouslly offered to pay for the entire reception.

Unfortunatly, when someone else pays they get to call most of the shots if they want to. Maybe you could talk to them about some of the things that are important to you and your Fiance (like a wedding photographer).

Post # 6
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Just an idea: Do you have any friendor photographers?  Maybe someone would be willing to gift you photographs?  Then you wouldn’t be “paying” and going against your parents/culture/etc.  A family friend made my wedding cake, and that of my daughter’s as their gift. 

Maybe your BMs would like to make a “Centerpiece Night” get together ? Instead of a typical shower or bachelorette night? 

Just trying to think outside the box!  Best Wishes for Your Wedding!!  🙂

Post # 7
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Just make sure to include fun drinks and yummy snacks, and maybe they can pitch in and get the “stuff” for your centerpieces? 

Post # 8
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You are right about the gold and the rules.  The elder thing is also tricky, although my culture would tell me to pay for it myself if I wasn’t happy with what they were providing.  One of the many reasons I am paying for my own wedding:)  IMO, you can live without an elaborate honeymoon (we can’t afford it, so it is postponed).  The photographer–hell no!  That is probably one thing they would be happy about afterward. That might fall under, “beg for forgiveness instead of asking for permission” but not if you think either set of parents is going to go ballistic over it.

If your wedding is in Cleveland (that’s where I grew up and where mine is), perhaps you can hire a student from CIA.  They have a very good photography program and you could probably hire an advanced student cheap.  Another option is to wait until a few months out and try to work something out with a pro who isn’t booked that date.  I was able to do this with mine because we aren’t having an all day thing, I downgraded my album, etc. Perhaps your family might compromise and be willing to pay for that?

Sorry this is long.  I do sympathize with you.  Even paying for it myself, I’ve made so many compromises I often think it’s not my wedding either!

Post # 9
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

Sorry you’re in a crappy situation.  Maybe you just need to look at it as there way of saying “this is what we’re willing to cover, and the rest is up to you?”  As in, they are paying for a big chunk of your wedding, but you’re left with the remaining essential expenses.  I’m in a similar position.  I’m graduating from law school a few weeks before getting married, and my parents have agreed to cover a lot of the expenses, but on their terms.  I’m doing almost everything myself to get it within their budget perameters, and beyond that there willl be some expenses we have to cough up because our parents either think it isn’t essential, or feel like its something we should pay for ourselves (AKA, transportation, honeymoon, wedding rings)

Post # 11
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@isykitty: glad things are working out for you! How did you resolve the photog situation?

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