(Closed) Feel hurt by fiance suggesting I loose weight……..:(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh no, this sounds like a terrible situation and I’m so sorry you’re upset over it πŸ™ Let’s try and look at the bright side of things.. when Fiance is making me upset, I always just think about how silly men can be sometimes. They just say things with no filters and don’t really think about it. Sometimes I’ll jokingly make fun of myself and be like “Make sure you get my fat ass outta bed tomorrow morning to go to the gym!” and then he will kinda reply back with my words, because basically I told him to. Have you ever mentioned wanting to lose weight before the wedding? I feel like it’s a common theme before a wedding even for brides who are not overweight. Maybe he feels like he is encouraging you to do what you want so you will be happy on your wedding day. Or maybe he is just being a big jerk. Just bring it up.. I doubt he realizes he is making you feel like crap. And if he does realize it, and continues doing it, then grab that chair! πŸ˜› 

But seriously, I’m sure you’re beautiful and will look amazing on your wedding day and don’t let anyone pressure you to do anything or make you feel bad about yourself! 

Post # 4
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I really think you both need to sit down and have a long talk about this. Communication is everything. He really should know exactly how you feel about your body, and how you feel when he makes these comments to you.

Im sorry your feelings have been hurt! Please talk with your guy.

Post # 5
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You should only try to lose weight and work out if YOU want to. It’s one thing if you were morbidly obese but you say you are a normal weight. Have you asked him why he is putting so much pressure on you? Have you told him it hurts? Communication is key. Good luck and you will look gorgeous on your wedding day….no matter what your weight is.

Post # 7
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

so you did talk about wanting to lose weight and you have tried. 

do you think he’s just trying to be your support? he may just be bringing it up because he thinks that’s what you want? i mean… you said that he asks you if you are going to the gym. that really doesn’t sound all that harsh to me. it sounds like he is just trying to be supportive and hold you accountable like maybe your best friend would do if you were trying.

Post # 8
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Have you cried in front of him? It sounds emotionally manipulative, but what I’m getting is that he doesn’t understand that it’s hurting you. I think maybe giving him a visual demonstration might be in order here :(. 

If you don’t want to do that, at least sit him down and tell him very seriously what it’s doing to you when he says things like that. I think maybe he doesn’t understand that telling you to go to the gym is different than telling one of his buddies. 

Post # 10
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

My Dh does this and it took me awhile to figure out that he thinks he’s being supportive/motivating me (and its not just “gym tonight!” he would say things like “tone up” which would piss me off). I would talk to him about how this makes you feel. I really doubt that he doesn’t love your body as is. Guys tend to take things at face value and don’t know how you can read into what they’re saying and feel bad about yourself.

Post # 12
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Jellybaby:  His motivation is probably a positive.  He probably knows you want to lose weight for your wedding and he knows you want to look your best.  I would talk to him about his approach.  Sometimes guys don’t approach that topic very well. πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@rosworms:

Agreed.

I don’t know what his exact words are. But if he is asking you if you are going to the gym and working out more it could be more of a health concern than a lose weight concern. That it’s possible because you are insecure you are taking it the wrong way.

My husband is constant encouraging me to work out more, lift some light weights, do pilates, run, etc. I don’t take it as he thinks I need to lose weight. He’s encouraging me to do those things because it will make me a healthier person in the long run. We want to be 65 and still seeing the world in a backpack. But if I never exercise he’ll be the only physically capable of doing that when we’re 65.

Again, I don’t know the whole story behind this but just based on what your posting the flip side could be this as well. Maybe your insecurities combined with his way of delivering the message is causing this. I definitely agree a conversation is in order. I know we all preach this all the time. But it IS key to a good and healthy relationship. Often the tough subjects are the harder ones to bring up.

HUGS!

Post # 15
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

The next time he does that I would ask him why he is saying that, and use that as a jumping off point to discuss how it makes you feel. 

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think a lot of times guys don’t choose their words too carefully. I think you’re lucky that’s you’ve found someone who’s truthful, he may not be motivating you in the best way though.

My Fiance knows my weight upsets me and he’s been motivating me a lot recently to tone up so that I’m happy with my pictures and the way I look on my wedding day. I didn’t take it that he thought I was fat or ugly or that he wouldn’t love me at any weight, he just wants what’s best for me and sometimes I need more motiviation. Fiance loves the me that’s on the inside, but if I was starting to gain weight (or drink to much or not sleeping or if I stopped eating or anything) he would step in and say something because that’s what a partner does.

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