(Closed) Feel hurt that my maid and matron of honor don’t want to hang out with me

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Did something happen at the wedding, or in the time leading up to it? It just seems weird to me that they’ve both cut you off for no reason….seems like too much of a coincidence. Thinking back did anything come up at the time that maybe you thought was ok, but perhaps isn’t?

Post # 4
Member
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Maybe they are being considerate friends giving you newleywed time? I really hate how people automatically think because their friends didn’t invite them to something means that they hate/dislike/jealous/have a problem with them.

Your Maid/Matron of Honor cried at your wedding- she was probably hapopy- not everyone is a pretty crier!

You should talk to her about how you are feelign that you are not as close as you used to be and how you miss her- but please don’t mention any of the stuff you have said here- it is pretty petty.

 

Post # 7
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think it’s petty for you to be hurt by this, but maybe I’m biased because I’m dealing with something similar. I’m not married yet, but the person I intended to ask to be my matron of honor has all but avoided me over the last few months. She has a child and a husband, so I know that she’s busy, but I also know she’s cancelled plans with me to spend time with someone else. I haven’t seen her in weeks, and she was supposed to come visit me for some girl time. The day before she was supposed to come, she called and told me that she had gone shopping with another friend of hers last minute and now wouldn’t be able to come visit me.

It hurts to not have your friends include you in things or feel like they are avoiding you.

Perhaps you should try mentioning that you miss spending time with them and would like to get together with them soon? Perhaps it will help.

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I would be hurt too. Friendships are hard sometimes 🙁 My first thought is it’s highly likely their behaviour isn’t really related to you per se. You already know what your maid of honour’s problem probably is. Possibly the other girl has something similar going on, that you’re not aware of. Based on my previous experience, and what you’ve said, you have two options.

Option 1 is to take a hint, and stop trying to see them. Let them make the first contact. You have to be ready for the possibility that they might not, and you might never know why.

Option 2 is to force a confrontation of some kind (even by email). By which I mean, be upfront and ask why they don’t want to see you – say you know they’re not as “busy” as they claim because you have mutual friends and the joy of FB. You’re hurt by their actions because their friendship is very important to you. Have you done something to upset them? Again, you have to be prepared for this to go badly. You might get a horrible response and lose their friendship forever. You might get nothing, and not know why. Of course you might get something thoughtful and helpful (if difficult to read). This gives your friends a chance to tell you what’s going on (like I said, probably not to do with you). Either way, your friendship is likely to not be the same again.

I think what option you take depends on how important these girls are to you, how prepared you (and they) are to have difficult conversations, and what you want the outcome to be. I have gone the email route and the friendship took years to recover. I have taken a hint, stopped calling, and never heard from friends again. I’ve heard from them a year later, out of the blue. My sister did the confrontation by phone recently and while I think things were awkward for a while, the air was cleared and she feels much better about it. Whatever you decide, look after yourself and try to spend time with people who make you feel good. Some friendships just aren’t meant to last forever, and as much as that hurts (trust me, I know) it’s part of life and time (and other, more awesome friends) will help. Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Alexis22:  Do you think it’s possible they’re resentful of the money they spent? (I’m not saying that would be right, just throwing it out there).

I was in a wedding a few years ago, and both myself and the other bridesmaids were extremely resentful by the end of it. Now, this bride was EXTREME-I mean she didn’t ask her own sister to be in her wedding because she was overweight and she only wanted “pretty” friends as BMs (her words, NOT mine). She also had very high expectations of us all in terms of her shower, and bachelorette….not to mentiont he fact that the dresses were $350 before alterations. She insisted we go to HER hairdresser the day of-a guy who charged me $96 to STRAIGHTEN MY HAIR (which I am quite capable of doing myself-but this was never an option), and she then had the nerve to “confess” to us all that her biggets fear was she wouldn’t even “break even” on the wedding. Please keep in mind I was astudent at the time, so this was beyond out of my budget. Myself, and three other bridesmaids basically stopped talking to her after the wedding. We felt htat she treated us like glorified slaves/ATMs.

Now, I am QUITE sure you weren’t this bad, and I’m not implying you were….but what I am suggetsing is that money is such a sticking point for some people-is it possible this is part of the issue? I know one of your yours girls is already married-maybe money is tight, or maybe she feels she spent more on your wedding than you did on hers and is resentful of that? I’m only mentioning this because of what you said about the Groomsmen….again, I don’t think it justifies them not talking to you, espcially since you were quite close beforehand, but that could be part of it?

Post # 11
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Alexis22:  Hmmm…did they see a lot of you in the lead up to the wedding?  I’m just wondering if they just need a bit of a break. 

I know that this sounds bad, but I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man 4 times and I know that sometimes, by the time the wedding rolls around, you just need a bit of a break from the bride…even if they’ve been wonderful.  I’m not sure if it’s because you’re spending so much time with them that you see their quirks magnified or because it’s been “all about them” for months…but I have felt this way…oddly about the bride who I would say is definitely one of, if not the, closest friend I have.  There was a fair amount about her wedding that was cray-cray, and it was pretty much non-stop wedding for the month before (with all the events, etc), so I just backed off for a bit.  It’s not that I was resentful; I just needed some distance.

Now, to be fair, this didn’t last long (maybe a month?) and than things were normal…so this has gone on for a long time with you.  

I would just ask them if there’s anything wrong.  Go right to the point.  

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