(Closed) Feel inadequate as a woman in wedding planning

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldn’t call myself a non-girly girl.. I didn’t have many ideas out that far either. I was concerned with so many other things. And having close girl friends.. I WISH I had those.. just relax it will come to you, then you’ll choose and freak out about a month before your wedding. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 4
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So I’m sure you might have read or heard this already, but the wedding industry makes it seem like there are all these “things” you have to do and have for your wedding – girliness and makeup included :). But it’s not true. It sounds like you have a really good handle on who you are and I encourage you not to change yourself in wedding planning because you think you should be girlier!

My beautiful older sister, who is girly but just wasn’t into the whole traditional wedding planning thing, said “screw it I want to marry the guy I love and I’m planning my wedding in 2 months”. Very little about her wedding planning journey was traditional – dress was just a pretty white dress she found at a nice department store, her bridesmaids (two sisters and best friend) wore what they wanted in fall colors, the wedding was in a tent in the back field of my family’s mountain house….essentially it was perfect and perfectly “her” (and her husband of course). 

You don’t need any more bridesmaids than you have now or are comfortablewith/want standing by your side! You don’t need to choose a pink and orange color scheme or have laid out what style of dress you want, or know that you want peonies in your bouquet, etc. If I were you, I’d just sit down with Fiance and just talk out the general ideas you have about what you envision your wedding to be – no matter what you’re looking for, I can guarantee you will find plenty of girls on this site (and others) who have been through what you are looking for and can give you inspiration.

Good luck!  

Post # 5
Member
46388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

That doesn’t matter now- you have the sisterhood of the hive to talk with, share ideas and discuus your plans!

 

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh dear lord. I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to party planning, weddings or baby stuff and feel completely out of place when any of these things come up. I wouldn’t call myself a tomboy, I was always just busy doing other things in life I guess. Now this crap happens all the time for my age group and I constantly feel socially ackward.

So no, your not alone. The best advise I have is start with a venue and a date. Everything else will revolve around these two things. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m a weird mix of tomboy and girly-girl, equally comfortable driving a motorcycle or wearing petticoats. But I’ve been telecommuting for almost 7 years and I’ve lost a lot of my fashion sense, as well as a lot of my acquaintances/second-tier friends, just because I don’t get out as much as I used to. So I can relate a bit!

First off, try to streamline wherever you can. Keep the wedding party small and don’t feel obligated to have an army of bridesmaids (and it’s fine if your groom has more groomsmen than you have bridesmaids— it’s better to have a mismatched number than to pack the group with “fillers”). You’ll cut down on drama and expense if you keep that part simple.

Don’t worry about colors or decor till you’ve picked the venue. Maybe you’ll find somewhere that’s “done up” enough on its own that you don’t need decorations or colors. We’re not decorating and I’m not having official colors, since our venue (a riverboat) doesn’t need it.

And lean on your vendors. You’re paying them; let them earn it. When you’re dress shopping, let the salespeople make suggestions, and go with your instinct, you’ll know what looks right AND what you feel comfortable with. Ask your caterer to pick the linens for you, and many will do your centerpieces too. Sometimes it costs a bit more, but worth it if it’s not your “thing” plus one less thing to do.

Post # 8
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I wouldn’t say I’m non-girly, but I had no idea what I was doing until, like, recently (and my wedding’s in 4 weeks)!  Seriously, people were like, “oooh, what’s your THEME?” and I stared back blankly….”um….blue and white?”

Don’t worry!  When Fiance and I were trying to envision what we wanted our wedding day to be like, all we thought about was how we wanted our guests to feel and things we wanted to include that we liked.  None of it had to do with colours or decor!  Try not to worry.  Work out a budget and a “feel” that you want and the rest will fall into place. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I cannot relate AT ALL to the “every little girl has her dream wedding!” sentiment, so I kind of know what you mean. You don’t have to have colors, you don’t have to have a theme, you don’t need to do anything frou frou that isn’t you. You’re having a ceremony in which you make a lifetime commitment to the man you are thrilled to marry, andthen you’re having a party to celebrate this with everyone else who cares. That’s it! Plan accordingly for what fits your lifestyle and budget, and use this site and the Internet for ideas if you get stuck.

Post # 10
Member
8360 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am a non-girly girl- no make-up, no dresses/skirts, have no skills in the hair department- you just need to ignore the magazines and wedding industry and plan the wedding to your own theme. We had no dances, no tosses, no flowers (except bouquet), no ballroom wedding (we had our reception in a restaurant with other diners there), a simple cake etc. We had a beautiful kick ass wedding that was us- I think poeple would have felt weird if we had the big wedding that the industry tries to tell bride they have to have (unless the bride truly does want it which is cool too!).

As for the wedding dress- I certainly didn’t want the standard long, pouffy wedding dress (my opinion for myself only- other people look great in them but I wouldn’t be comfortable). I went for a tea length 50’s style dress but tried a lot of short dresses which felt less barbie doll wedding to me. But you don’t even have to wear a dress if you don’t want to! 

The important thing in my eyes is that I got to marry the man of my dreams and as long as I was being a good host to my guests it didn’t matter about the trimmings! It is all just packaging after all and doesn’t dimish or validate a marriage!

Post # 11
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You are certainly not alone! My mom asked me the other day how I was feeling with all the planning and if I was stressed out. I’m not at all and I thought, Should I be? Just take things one at a time and don’t do or plan anything that you don’t want or need. The wedding industry makes it seem like all the little things are totally necessary and they’re not. It’s fine to be laid back and just do what you want to do. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I AM a girly girl, BUT I strongly suggest that you go to dress appointments alone.  I went once with friends and went alone after that.  You want that consultant to focus on you and you don’t want a chorus of voices talking you into something that doesn’t feel right to you just because it fits what they want for you.

I also think that it’s asking bridesmaids too far in advance is sometimes a problem.  There are so many stories of people asking early on and realizing that it wasn’t the right decision later on.

 

Give yourself time.  At some point, you’ll notice that certain colors or pictures are more memorable to you than others and the decisions will fall into place.  If that doesn’t happen, you and your Fiance might be dream clients for your vendors!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Excellent, it is a HUGE relief to have that off your plate!

Don’t be afraid to ask their event director what other people have done. They’ll already know what works— and what doesn’t— in terms of room layout, entertainment, timing, order of events, everything. This may be your first wedding, but those vendors have been through it a hundred times at least. Ask for their advice; they’re happy to guide you.

PS skip the favors if you’re not into them. My cruise coordinator says her staff throws away about 80% of the favors, no matter what they are.

Post # 15
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeah, dont worry about it….not all of us really care about any of this wedding stuff lol….I’m just like “meh”….and all the other girls I talk to are squealing. They always ask “WHY ARENT YOU EXCITED!>!?!?!??!1111” and I mean, I am excited to be MARRIED to my sweetheart…I just hate all this hooplah =/ Don’t feel inadequate…you just have different priorities. If you aren’t comfortable planning all this stuff, then you can ask around. People are always willing to help! And I don’t know why the planning should just fall squarely on your shoulders….will your fiance help plan too? Do you guys want something small? big? Just remember, the day is for the two of you, you don’t have to throw a huge reception if you dont want to.

Post # 16
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I could’ve written this post myself!  I had a horrible time settling on colors, and even now it’s not too specific–just navy blue because it’s easy, and then a variety of colors in the purple family.   I hate makeup, too!  (I did jump on the dress shopping thing right away, but that was only because I knew I was cutting it close on the time.  I dreaded it though–however, it turned out to be much easier and more enjoyable than I expected.  The last time I wore a dress was over two years ago).

Anyway, sounds like lots of awesome advice above.  Let me add that a theme isn’t necessary but can really help you narrow down your options and focus as far as colors, style, etc.  In my case, the themes came from two sources–the first was my dress (which has poppy-like flower appliques), and the second was the fact that picnics were an important part of our early dating life.  So, our reception menu is totally drawn from our gourmet picnic menus and it has a picnic/country vibe in the minimalist decor we’re starting to pull together.  We aren’t being too strict with the poppy idea, but we’re looking for designs and flowers that mirror/echo that flat, rounded look of a poppy, or just round flowers in general.

What has also helped me is relying on two family members who have excellent taste.  I told them I wanted a picnic-style reception, that I loved blues and purples, and that I was counting on their good taste for ideas/feedback.  They’re gung-ho planner types and are probably more excited about my wedding than I am, haha!  Even if they aren’t your bestest friends, the happy-to-plan people will jump at a chance to plan a wedding, so see who you know that is like that.

And finally, even though I’m pretty traditional, sites like offbeatbride.com and apracticalwedding.com have been helping me focus on what really matters to us while discarding everything that doesn’t.  As other posters have said, it’s about what reflects the two of you and your relationship, so start with that.

Good luck!  Take some pressure off (don’t keep focusing on what you think you’re supposed to do/like/want), and what you really want deep inside will start to assert itself.

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