(Closed) feel like a bi**h

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ticatica:  I would be completely honest with her. If she’s a friend, she’ll understand. I’m sure she’ll be disappointed that you won’t be there, but if it’s a matter of your FI’s job (when it comes down to it), I’m sure she’ll understand. We missed a friend’s wedding because we were on our honeymoon and she understood. I mean, when it comes down to it, I would really only have seen her for a few minutes during the reception, it’s not like we were going to have any long and deep conversation that evening ๐Ÿ˜‰  I ended up spending an evening with her afterward watching her wedding video, looking at the photos, etc. It was really nice to talk with her about her wedding and have her explain the different cultural elements and traditions I hadn’t seen before.

Post # 5
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with the pp, be totally honest. It’s nothing you’ve done on purpose, it’s just crappy circumstances.

Post # 6
Member
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I think I’d just be honest with her.  But it’s honestly not your fault!  It’s just one of those things.

I am surprised about you FIs company though, I didn’t know they could make demands like that.  If he doesn’t take his holiday, they’ll still have to give him the holiday pay.  Could that be an option?  Then you could go on honeymoon at the same time as your friend.

Post # 8
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with the other Bee’s and say be completley honest with her. You have tried everything you could to make it work out, but it’s just not happening! You guys can’t sacrifice jobs for one day. If she’s a good friend she’ll understand! Don’t beat yourself up over this, you’ve done everything you possibly can.

Post # 9
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

She is sending you an invitation, not a summons.  It means she would like to you attend, not that you have to.  You are free to decline an invitation for any reason, from I just don’t feel like it, to I don’t go out when the moon isn’t a crescent shape, to I like to eat bananas at every meal and there are no bananas available at the wedding.  You can choose to stay home if you like.

Talk to your friend and tell her now that it won’t work out, and that you are sorry you won’t be able to attend her wedding.

Post # 10
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Look, she might be pissed off, I mean, probably will if you’re getting very anxious about telling her, but you’re only human. I guess if I was in this situation, I would be annoyed just because I really loved celebrating with everyone on my day – however, life is life. Pick up and move on. It’s ONE DAY – in fact, one of my friend’s got married in May and the wedding was out of state. Technically, as far as my schedule with school, I could’ve gone, but the money just wasn’t worth it to me. In the end, I’m SO glad I made the choice that was right for me. She had a lot of other friends there, I knew my presence wasn’t going to be missed (the 2 seconds I would’ve said hello to her?) and it wasn’t worth the whole trip for just the ONE DAY – I have the rest of our lives to be her friend in every other aspect that I can manage financially, physically, emotionally, etc. 

 @bakerella: That to me seems so much more meaningful than anything else (the going over to her house bit)! Honestly, that would mean so much to me to be able to do that with some of my friends about their weddings and mine.   

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