- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
I have posted a bit about this but here’s the deal. I’m sorry it’s so long.
Basically my MiL and lil SiL were evicted from their house. Hubs and I said they could stay with us while they get back on their feet. I really like my MiL. My SiL….I think she is spoiled and a bit out of touch with reality, but she’s a teenager so most of the time I just try to be there and let that stuff go.
I am totally okay with them staying with us. The problem is that I have anxiety and pretty OCD about the house. I like things to be clean (not squeaking, but I can’t stand feeling like stuff is all around me). I get really paranoid when my dogs are not behaving. I hate bugs, so everything that MiL brings over gets washed immedietely because she had a horrible roach infestation.
I feel like a total asshole, because I’m ready to scream over little things that I feel shouldn’t bother me. Like when they came, they brought their four turtles and four cats here too. The cats and my dogs fight constantly, so we have the cats (who were already outdoor cats) staying on our patio. So now my dogs can’t go on the patio during the day, when I’m working from home for a large corporation all day, and working over time. So we hired a dog walker, but now he can’t come out because it’s been so rainy, and my dogs can’t get into our yard because of the cat’s on the patio. So they act like monsters all day because they’re trapped in the house, and spend most of the day growling at the cats, who are mewing at the patio doors and trying to get in the house. Every twenty minutes I’m pulling my dogs away from the door or yelling at them to be quiet. I can’t take it. And I’m worried the neighbors are going to complai about the constant mewing outside and the barking in the house.
Say then, I have to go pee, so I go to the bathroom. That means the turtles that are in the guest bathroom are going to go jumping off their rock and into the water. Since I’m already on edge, this is inevitably going to scare the shit out of me and I’m going to freak out. So I take deep breaths and the turtles and I can coexist (I totally think theyre cute, and they’re in a tank….they just scare the shit out of me when I’m not used to them being like, BAM right there. You live in a place for 4 years and then all of a suddent there’s turtles in the room when you’re not expecting it, it will trip you out).
Okay. So now that the cats, and dogs, and turtles, (and birds) are all mentioned, I have to mention that then I feel like MiL and SiL are not trying to help the situation. I feel like my husband and I are being tasked with the logistics of her storage unit, her house situation, finding the rentals….and I don’t know if this is because she just isn’t tech-savvy, or if it’s becasue she just feels like not dealing with it. I mean SiL is 17….you think she could help out and look for places? She just sits in the room online all day. She does nothing but say she dislikes every place we look at. MiL says things like “Hey can you call the storageplace for me so I can have another unit?” And I’m like no, you have to do that because you have to fill out the paperwork in your name. Which is what we did before. Which is the fourth time we have said that. It’s not that i’m not trying to take care of it for you, it’s that I friggin cant. And hubby and I have been looking for the rentals and calling, when we both work (him 40 hours, and I’m at about 60).
I cook dinner every night for hubby. Now that fam is here, I cook for four which I enjoy. But MiL is constantly saying I don’t have to do that and she will bring something home, etc. Which then I feel bad because I feel like she thinks I’m only cooking because she is there and I am acting like some martyr, when in actuality I just love to cook.
Add to that, I work from home and we have one car. So I feel like I’m trapped in this house. The only time I have been out this entire week has been to go with MiL to rental office, to help MiL move, or to walk dogs. There is no time at all for myself. Which then I feel like a selfish ass for wanting just an hour of peace when I am not working, cleaning, or sleeping. One where I am not being stared at by turtles while I pee, or pulling empty food containers out of my fridge because the 17 year old is too lazy to throw them away or take out the trash, or when I am pulling the dogs away from the patio, or waiting on my in laws who come over to visit my MiL while I am still working. My in laws, who insist on telling me how fat I am and how I’m letting myself go, when in actuality I am dealing with a stupid thyroid condition and postponing a necessary back surgery because I’d really like us to have kids one day.
And then again, I feel bad for being so weak that working out is useless, the nutritionist I am working with is useless, and I can’t just starve myself skinny. I don’t like people telling me that I get heavier and heavier every time they see me and pinching my thighs.
And the hubby and I are fighting, because he doesn’t understand why I won’t just speak up, and I tell him it’s not my place because I feel like what they are going through is bad enough without me being an asshole.
I’m worried about the bills with two other people in the house, when we were trying to save to start a family. And the fact that we have had to call off work to help out so much that both of our companies took small but noticeable actions that threaten our position (for me, they hired someone at my level with my title for one of my projects; for hubby, they denied a training request and took someone else instead who was more “reliable”). I feel like we just can’t get enough scraped into that emergency fund now. Because if it can go wrong….you know.
And I don’t want to be responsible for SiL. Last night, she decided to try and break in to her old house to get her bike. Then she was riding it down the road at 9:30 at night, and MiL couldn’t get her in the car, so she was riding alongside her. So then my hubby has to go out and “rescue” them (his words–being snarky) because he has to put this bike in our car (which I told him not to because it’s new and I didn’t want the grease and mud on the interior….again, yes I feel like an asshole but come on) and bring them home. And I also don’t want my hubs out parenting his sister at 9:30 at night.
We wanted to start TTC, and now I say we have to postpone. Both hubby and I simply cannot BD with MiL in the next room right now, and most of the time I’m too damned stressed out anyhow. And all I can think about is how I’m an awful caretaker and i’m too selfish to have a family. And how with all the demands that family is putting on us, how could we have time for a LO? All I could think about last night while he was out getting his sister to get in the damned car with her bike was that if we had LO, and he had to do that and leave me home with baby, I would be livid. Because I want us to have a family unit of our own. But then I think about how upset I am that I’m cleaning up more after SiL and trying to take care of MiL’s issues, an I don’t know if I’m seriously just a huge asshole who would be a terrible mother or if it’s different because really I feel like they should be responsible for themselves. I have taken care of cousins before, and i mean having to step i and raise them for family who was trying to get their act together, and I never went through this. If they were messy, I made them clean up. If they were sitting around, I told them to go outside or find something to do. I can’t do that here. So I just feel trapped and like I’m the worst woman on the planet for feeling this way.
And then my very needy and very disabled father is coming over to have me help with the appeal on his disability. And I am so overwhelmed i don’t even know what to do. Because I can’t even THINK anymore.
Sorry for the long vent. I really don’t want to go in-law bashing to my friends or family since I just feel that is wrong, but this seemed like an okay and anonymous place to just really get it out before I just burst.