(Closed) Feel like a horrible person. VENT.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Okay, take a few deep breaths.

First of all, you need to learn how to say no. I understand that these people are family, but they’re also adults. Your Fiance needs to explain to them that it is THEIR responsibility to do these things, and you need to give them some sort of timeline to get out. He needs to explain that you two have specific plans and they cannot be accomplished if you are also taking care of your Mother-In-Law and SIL. He needs to be straight up and tell your Mother-In-Law that you might lose your jobs because of this situation, and that she has a week or two weeks to find somewhere new and get the hell out of your house. I’m sure I would have already lost it were I in your position.

Post # 5
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh my goodness…

What a mess….

Talk to your husband.

Something needs to be done about the situation.

((((Big hugs))))

Ps….and guess what. You are a GOOD person. Don’t forget that!

Post # 6
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I will never never again live with family that isn’t my own children. I had a situation like yours where the whole family moved in with me in a small 3 bdrm ranch. I had just gotten pregnant. We got along great when we didn’t live together but it was a nightmare when they moved in with us.

Finally I had had it and told them they needed to find some place else to live. I could not stand that they would smoke in my house, invaided my space, ate all my food where I had to hoard it or we wouldn’t have any.

Never again!

Post # 9
368 posts
Helper bee

You are not a horrible person. It is so generous of you to let them stay there, even though they are not being gracious about it at all. I agree with PPs who say you need a (short) timeline for when they’re going to be out of the house. They don’t need a perfect place immediately – they can find somewhere that’s good enough for them to live right now, so that they can get out of your hair ASAP.

The thing is – speaking up will NOT make you an asshole. Being a supportive family member does not mean letting them walk all over you and disrupt your life. You are not going to make their situation any worse by setting reasonable boundaries about what you are willing to do to help them. Opening your home should be enough, but they seem to expect a lot more – so you need to be clear about what is and isn’t okay.

I think you (and your husband) need to set some boundaries for how they will contribute/not act during the rest of their stay. One of the most important things is that you should not being disturbed when you are working – this is not just your home, it’s your office too. (Can you lock the door and wear headphones when working?) Since they are adding to your bills, they should be helping you with your bills as much as they can (there’s no sense in you going into debt or draining your savings because of their financial problems). They should also be helping out with keeping the house clean and uncluttered, especially given how anxious it makes you. MiL needs to be responsible for her own business, because you and your husband just don’t have the time or energy to find her a place to live and move all her stuff in addition to running the overcrowded household. Maybe SiL can be given some responsibility for entertaining some of the animals – she could walk the dogs or play with the cats, so that they’re not having to spend all day cooped up and bothering you. 

Also – I suggest your MiL checks out ProMove, which is a company that helped my friend find an apartment that suited her needs – it might make the process easier for her to handle.

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