Post # 1
so due to some physical impossiblities Darling Husband and I will never have a child of our own. I am comming to terms with it and it will be fine I was never really one to dream about having kids anyways. BUT the last couple in our group of friends just got married last weekend. We hang out with a group of about 6 couples total and 3 of them we know are allready trying to get pregnant, one couple is expecting soon…. that leaves the couple who just got married (and I know she wants kids asap) and us… I know its selfish to not want them to have kids but I know that couples with kids hang out with other couples with kids and we are going to be pushed to the way side. I feel like I am going to loose all of my friends within the next year OR be forced to jealousy throw baby showers knowing that I will never have one of my own.
Anyone else in this situation?
Post # 3
@globalmargaret: Oh wow. That sounds dreadful darling 🙂 I mean that in the nicest way possible. I know you are in a small town, so that sounds rough, and maybe there aren’t lots of other young folks to be meeting. That would be difficult to deal with. I really think it has to do with being in a small town.
Post # 4
Do you wish you could have children? If so, you could adopt…?
Post # 5
@cbee: thank you, the population of people between 20 and 35 in this town is very small, and that population which are also decent to be around are even smaller, so you are right, hopefully in a few years when Darling Husband goes back in the military and is transfered somewhere larger it will better but until then I just keep cringing while looking at all this pastel yarnI have to make baby presents with.
@lorelai: Dh has two other children from his former marriage and is against the idea of adopting because he feels being in the military and moving around so much would be unfair.
I know I am not ready for kids at this moment anyways so I wouldn’t want to be pregnant yet even if we could have kids, but not having the option and knowing that I am most likely going to spend a year with minimal friend contact is really starting to get to me. On top of that some of the older ladies in town are all ready on top of me about when we are going to have kids (i think it is just what old ladies do) I know they don’t mean to make me feel bad, but there is really know easy way to tell them it isn’t going to happen.
Post # 6
Give them a chance — your friends might surprise you! Recently our two closest couple friends both had babies, and I thought for sure I would never see them again. But they totally surprised me by suggesting get-togethers, mere weeks after the births. Sure, what you do might be different (takeout at their place so they can also watch the baby, or going out to a restaurant right across from their place so they could return if the baby fussed too much), but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll never hang out with you again.
Then again, with some parents, it might mean that. But you never know! 🙂
Post # 7
I totally understand how you feel. Among my closest group of friends a lot of the couple were having babies and I almost wish we had more time with them just as married friends before the kids started popping out. I am not going to lie.. It does change the dynamic. Not to say that you will never see them again, some people are better than others at balancing being a mom and having a social life where they can meet up with friends or have adult only dinners every now and then and some don’t know how to ever leave their child. My advise was going to be meet new couples similar to you to hang out with but it seems you live in a very small town so that may not be possible. I’ll hope you get stationed someone bigger where maybe you won’t feel so along in being child free! But in the mean time don’t give up on your friends, and be the one to make the initiative to hang out or host an adult only dinners.
Post # 8
@diplomatswife: “Give them a chance — your friends might surprise you!”
On top of this, maybe you’ll get the ability to bond with the kids and become their Auntie. My parents have a pair of childless friends who are basically family to us, and basically like an extra set of aunt/uncle. It’s for sure different than being a parent, but if you like kids, it is a possibility.