(Closed) feel like bridesmaids aren’t responsive enough

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@ms. rice crispy treat: You’re emailing them once or twice a week about the wedding specifically? Are you asking questions that require their response or are you just saying, “Hey! Here is my dress!”

Unfortunately, no one is going to care as much about your wedding as you do. No one is going to be as excited as you are, and I think that you might be expecting a little too much from your girls. Especially if some of them aren’t married or are no where near getting married. That’s why Weddingbee is so great, b/c there are so many girls in a similar situation as you are, and they DO get super excited over you picking your dress. You BMs in CA might not.

So, try to keep in mind that they all have lives that they’re tending to, and your wedding isn’t their top priority at the moment, and show us all the fun things that you aren’t getting a response out of them for!

Post # 4
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Well, I think the reality is that *most* people are not going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. And everyone is probably busy with their own stuff. I probably wouldn’t be that thrilled if I was asked to do DIY/crafts stuff for someone else’s wedding. Hell, I didn’t even want to do that stuff for my own!

I can relate. Though I didn’t have any BMs, I was hoping that at least my best friend would reply to emails asking her opinion on things here and there. She never did. And it seriously bummed me out because I was in her wedding, paid for a $200 dress, helped plan/host her bridal shower & bachelorette…and I pretty much got zero support from her in return.

It was a bummer. So I feel you.

Post # 5
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would call each girl individually to make sure you’re on the same page. you don’t need to tell them you’re disappointed in them, but you can mention that you hoped they would be really excited to share in your planning. have mini heart-to-hearts with all of them.

Post # 6
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Emailing once or twice a week about the wedding is A LOT.  Particularly when you are still 7 months out. They are probably just feeling a little overwhelmed which makes them need a break from talking about the wedding.  I think I probably sent 5 emails about the wedding to my bridesmaids during my entire 13 month engagement (one to introduce them all, one about their dresses and shoes and accessories, one about hair and make up, and  then a couple about scheduling during the last week before the wedding).  They don’t need to be updated on every detail unless it directly effects them.  I know it’s exciting and you want to share all your information but that’s what the bee is for.  We care about that stuff, but unless your bridesmaids are currently planning a wedding, they probably don’t.

Post # 7
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I think 1 to 2 emails a week is sort of a lot. If you are not asking any follow up questions the girls may just be thinking that you want them to look at the dresses but don’t feel obligated to give you their input. Your bridesmaids are also not going to be nearly as excited about your wedding website as you are. What more would you like them to ass than “Oh, that’s cute”?

Post # 8
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Some people just don’t respond instantly to e-mails as well. I always try to give instant responses when I get a message, but some people don’t and then forget about it. I feel you though, I have sent mine like 4 e-mails total over the last 3 months and the response times were longer or non-existent. Its okay though, because there hasn’t been anything that required immediate response. 

Post # 9
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’d cut back on the emails. One a week is definitely a bit much. Only email them information relevant to what they need to do or buy (dress, shoes, rehearsal, etc.). If they really want to weigh in on anything else, they’ll come to you.

The best thing you can do right now to make sure you get a response about things that are relevant to them is set deadlines. “Hi girls, I have decided on green for your dresses and would like each of you to select a different style. Here are some links to different options I have found within the price range we agreed upon. I would like to get them ordered by [date], so if you could choose a style you like, have your measurements taken, and order the dress/give me the details before then, that would be fantastic. I’m so excited to see which ones you pick!”

Post # 10
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think its a little silly – i know some people have really supportive bridesmaids – my girls are great and i wouldnt choose differently if i could choose again – but peoples lives are busy and just because they are bridesmaids doesnt mean they are in bridal mode like we all are. As long as my girls have their dresses and show up the day of thats all i can ask of them. One of my girls couldnt get off work for my shower and that didnt even bother me. i just have too much stuff going on i guess to worry about what they can help with or not. I did have to stay on top of them about ordering dresses but that was really all. i’m the worst bride ever haha – one of them called me last night asking for details for wedding weekend and i was like i dont know! haha my wedding is in 11 days! i told her i would get back to her – Fiance and I moved into our first place together this past weekend so wedding has been off my mind for a few days.

Post # 11
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think we have this myth of bridesmaids being this super supportive excited group of girls. Mine hardly ever responded to emails, didn’t offer to help, nothing really. Though they did throw me a bachelorette party. Which was kinda weird cause it was not my taste at all but hey.

I think just don’t have high expectations for bridesmaids. 

Post # 12
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your wedding is 6 months away and you are emailing them once a week? About what? They don’t need to know every single detail of the wedding. To be honest, they are probably annoyed. They probably won’t get excited until a few months before when things really start rolling. They are not going to jump for joy when you find a photographer or find shoes that you like. That’s what you have weddingbee for. Give them some space. ^_^

Post # 13
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I mean no disrespect, but as someone who was a bridesmaid in a wedding a number of years ago when I was no where near marrying my Boyfriend or Best Friend, I couldn’t care less about the details of my friend’s wedding. It wasn’t because I wasn’t excited for her, its just that I was dealing with many things myself and didn’t really think to gush about the details. Now that I’m actually getting married, I tend to be more excited for others in the same position because I can relate.

Post # 15
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

yep I think you’re emailing too much. pull back and they might come running.

Post # 16
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yeah, 1-2 emails a week is probably too much at this point, and they probably are annoyed. Not your fault at all, just a natural thing that happens. I’d cut back…and come here when you want to hash out all the nitty-gritty details with people!

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