(Closed) feel like Giving up

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Here is my suggestion…DESTINATION WEDDING!!!

My parents are contributing, but not a lot.  SO when MY mom got over involved in weeks one and two of planning, I slammed the door on her right smartly…”mom, we have a budget, and a vision of what WE want.  If YOU want more people invited, you and dad will have to pay the extra expenses.” That stopped her crazy inviting everyone who has ever met me or scratched my dog’s ears.
She gave me grief over my guest list WE had chosen “Mom, these are people who have been important in MY life, and who have shaped me to be who I am.  This is not your wedding”.  Haven’t heard anything more on my choices of who to invite lol.
She was feeding me negativity about EVERYTHING I said I wanted, location, venue, costs, guests, dress.  I finally snapped and said straight up she could be part of this journey and share it with me and be supportive, or she could show up 15 mins before the ceremony and have nothing else to do with it.  She got the message I wasn’t going to cater to her preferences and she is doing very well so far!

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!  If you truly can’t face down your in-laws and negative Nelly’s, leave town, take you Fiance and a few close friends/family and go to Vegas or even another state/town.  HAVE your small, personal gathering that YOU want.  Just send the in laws their invite and have it all planned out before saying anything.  Then ask your inlaws if they would like to throw a party afterwards (folllowing weekend, later date, 1 year anniversary) and do a vow renewel and a party for the other 540 people they want there (and ask them to pay for it if they want it!)  That’s how my brother and his now wife did it to stop all the family hysterics and drama they were throwing.  And it worked really well for them.

Post # 17
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Girl, you gotta stand up for yourself… and quick!  It looks like you have a bit under a year until your wedding date… so there’s still time.  Don’t have the wedding that your Future Mother-In-Law wants.. she’s already had her time to shine, this is yours!  Especially since she’s not paying, you and your Fiance need to stop this madness right now.

Post # 18
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I know you’re trying to keep the peace but if you let her do this to you now… welcome to your LIFE.  Your kids, your house your everything run by her.  Your Fiance needs to “man up” and put her in her place. 

I feel sooo bad for you and I hope you two figure out what you TWO want!

Post # 19
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh gosh I feel for you I really do. You do need to tell her to stop though, have the invites gone out? if they have its too late but if not, make a time to have your fiance tell her that this is not happening, it is his mother so he needs to tell her to settle down. 600 people is totally ridiculous, you cant possibly know that many people intimately enough to want them at your wedding.

I would draw some boundries firmly and tell you fiance it is his responsibilty to back you up. Give her something to do with the wedding that she can do, so she doesnt feel left out and then dont include her in any more choices! If she comes at you with ‘I have booked a cake tasting with bla bla’ So “Thankyou so much but we have already made a choice about the cake.”

 

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