Post # 1
I had a talk with my Boyfriend or Best Friend a couple of nights ago in bed. I have been hinting alot lately about getting married. We have been together for almost 2 years now, living together a year and a half of thoughs 2 years. Bf is going to be 36 and I am going to be 24.
Last year (on new years eve) after we kissed he said “now i have one year to propose” because that was the time line HE wanted.
My Bf is a pilot, his career is not yet where he would like it to be (major airline). It might take another 2 to 5 years, and will imply us moving at least once or twice.
While we were talking that night, I told him that it is hard to see alot of the people around us getting engaged, married AND or having babies. He told me that I have been talking alot about it lately and that he can see that it makes me unhappy at times. He also said “I know you want me to give you a time line right now..but I cant”. Even though he had already mentioned a time line last new year….
He has told me very early on in our relationship, that I am the first gf that he can see himself marry and have kids with, grow old together and he is so happy with me. Its almost like he kind of wants to “stop time” on where we are, because he is so happy right now.
I understand and I am over joyed that he feels this way….but its hard, I dont want to get married and have kids when he will be 40.
Sigh….any thoughts bees?
Post # 3
I think you should talk about WHY he can’t give you a timeline. Both of you need to be on the same page to move forward, and understanding why he feels the way he does and what things need to happen to move forward will help both of you to get there together.
Post # 4
Assuming there are no other issues in your relationship and you both are really happy…let things happen at the right time. Sometimes we rush things because all our friends are getting married, having kids, etc. I was in the same boat. Got engaged much later than I had hoped (at 32 and after 4 yrs of dating, 3yrs of those living together) but looking back, it was the right time. Be patient. If this is the man you are meant to be with, enjoy your “dating” time with him now. Planning a wedding, marriage and children all bring about changes/adjustments to relationships. If you stop thinking about it so much, you’ll be able to enjoy your relationship much more.
Post # 5
Trust me… stop talking about it! This is coming from someone in a similar situation to you until recently. I know how hard it is, because you feel that you want to let him know how much you want it. But guys don’t work that way at all. He has expressed that he wants to get married to you and sees a future with you so that’s great! But the more you “hint” the less they want to. Seriously I have been going through this for 2 years now. Have you seen Mr Bee’s plan? It’s so so useful and helped me get to the stage I am now -We have chosen a ring and I’m hoping to be engaged in a couple of months!
Post # 6
I agree w/ MrsT2b…give it a break, focus on being with your bf and enjoying each other, the less stress you put on the subject, the more relaxed he will be, and it will happen. I was the same, and then I decided that there doesn’t need to be a timeline, regardless I love this man and I want to be with him, ring on my finger or not…and within a few months of me backing off, he proposed…and now we are married. Give it time, why rush & put so much stress on something that is such a magical moment?
Post # 7
Yes I totally agree with @MrsT2b: to stop talking about it. Easier said than done trust me! BUT I have to say these last few weeks have been good for ME just emotionally not talking about it, etc (I also joined the Christmas Challenge). My SO is 37 and I’m 25 so I totally feel you on having kids, etc once he reaches the big 4-0. That scares me too. I’ve made him aware of it and now he knows. I can say that now that I don’t mention anything engagement/wedding/marriage related that HE is now pondering on it. He will make comments here and there and I know he’s thinking about it. We’ve been together 3 1/2 years and as much as I love him I know I can’t go into another year this way. So 1/1/11 is my breaking point! I have not given him an ultimatum so to speak but we’ve talked enough as well as went through many motions such as ring shopping a few times for him to know that this is severely important to me and “it’s now or never” (actually a phrase I used).
Post # 8
Before my husband and I got engaged, he told me one New Year’s Day that I should expect a ring by Valentine’s Day of that year. At that point we had been together for 3 and a half years, and had lived together from the day we met (weird situation). Vday came and went, and no proposal. I was annoyed as all hell, but…I made a decision not to force the issue. I knew this was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, ring or no ring. He ended up proposing on the the Fourth of July that same year.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the help bees!
He told me last night that it is purely for financial reasons that it has not happend yet…it made me feel better.
I will follow your advice and back off, and just let it happen!
Hugs to all the waiting bees!