(Closed) Feel like I am talking it to death!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you should talk about WHY he can’t give you a timeline. Both of you need to be on the same page to move forward, and understanding why he feels the way he does and what things need to happen to move forward will help both of you to get there together.

Post # 4
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Assuming there are no other issues in your relationship and you both are really happy…let things happen at the right time.  Sometimes we rush things because all our friends are getting married, having kids, etc.  I was in the same boat.  Got engaged much later than I had hoped (at 32 and after 4 yrs of dating, 3yrs of those living together) but looking back, it was the right time.  Be patient.  If this is the man you are meant to be with, enjoy your “dating” time with him now.  Planning a wedding, marriage and children all bring about changes/adjustments to relationships.  If you stop thinking about it so much, you’ll be able to enjoy your relationship much more.

 

Post # 5
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

Trust me… stop talking about it! This is coming from someone in a similar situation to you until recently. I know how hard it is, because you feel that you want to let him know how much you want it. But guys don’t work that way at all. He has expressed that he wants to get married to you and sees a future with you so that’s great! But the more you “hint” the less they want to. Seriously I have been going through this for 2 years now. Have you seen Mr Bee’s plan? It’s so so useful and helped me get to the stage I am now -We have chosen a ring and I’m hoping to be engaged in a couple of months!

Post # 6
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

I agree w/ MrsT2b…give it a break, focus on being with your bf and enjoying each other, the less stress you put on the subject, the more relaxed he will be, and it will happen. I was the same, and then I decided that there doesn’t need to be a timeline, regardless I love this man and I want to be with him, ring on my finger or not…and within a few months of me backing off, he proposed…and now we are married. Give it time, why rush & put so much stress on something that is such a magical moment?

Post # 7
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

Yes I totally agree with @MrsT2b: to stop talking about it. Easier said than done trust me! BUT I have to say these last few weeks have been good for ME just emotionally not talking about it, etc (I also joined the Christmas Challenge). My SO is 37 and I’m 25 so I totally feel you on having kids, etc once he reaches the big 4-0. That scares me too. I’ve made him aware of it and now he knows. I can say that now that I don’t mention anything engagement/wedding/marriage related that HE is now pondering on it. He will make comments here and there and I know he’s thinking about it. We’ve been together 3 1/2 years and as much as I love him I know I can’t go into another year this way. So 1/1/11 is my breaking point! I have not given him an ultimatum so to speak but we’ve talked enough as well as went through many motions such as ring shopping a few times for him to know that this is severely important to me and “it’s now or never” (actually a phrase I used).

Post # 8
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Before my husband and I got engaged, he told me one New Year’s Day that I should expect a ring by Valentine’s Day of that year. At that point we had been together for 3 and a half years, and had lived together from the day we met (weird situation). Vday came and went, and no proposal. I was annoyed as all hell, but…I made a decision not to force the issue. I knew this was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, ring or no ring. He ended up proposing on the the Fourth of July that same year. 

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