(Closed) Feel like I'm not worth it.

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
6952 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

But he DOESN’T have that good paying job NOW. Plus he is just barely an adult! $1500 is a lot of money when you’re 18! My friend’s Fiance bought her ring AT Wal-Mart and she loves it because it was from the heart. It’s about what the ring represents. More money doesn’t always mean better. 

Post # 17
Member
3231 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I do think you are too young based on the mature displayed in this post. You can always by yourself a ring.

Post # 18
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
llevinso-exactly. Well said

Post # 19
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Do you have a house? A good paying job yourself? Degree?

Post # 20
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

Not negative; practical and realistic, given the circumstances you’ve described. 

Post # 21
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
jessiquh :  you have so much to learn. The way you come off (immature/ungrateful) is soliciting the responses you are getting. I told my now husband that I would marry him without a ring. He saved a little less than a year and got a very nice ring, my dream ring but I did not expect it. At the end of the day I told him I wanted a marriage and cared less about the ring especially if we couldn’t afford it. You are something else and have a lot to learn. He’s still in high school and 6 month relationship? Save for it yourself then or dont date someone 18 in high school with no job.   

Post # 22
Member
369 posts
Helper bee

I’ll just say this: if my Fiance and I would have gotten engaged (and married) anytime between the age 18 – 20, we would most certainly be divorced by now. We’re still young (23), but we grew so much individually and together, and continue to do so, within the first couple years of our relationship. We met and started dating when we were 18, we thought we had it all figured out, much like you and your bf. We started looking at rings at Zales and Kay about 6 months into our relationship because we knew we had found ‘the one’ (still true). We were sticker shocked much like your bf is now, I *settled* for a $500 set [disclaimer: nothing wrong with a $500 set, but it wasn’t what I had always wanted] and let him take the reigns from there. We didn’t get engaged until almost 4 years after that point.

 

During those 4 years we broke up for about 6 months, grew as individuals, and got back together to form a better, more mature version of the couple we were before. Before we took a break from our relationship we were both extremely self-centered and didn’t really know who we were as individuals and what we wanted out of life. I feel you and your bf may be in a similar position. About a year ago we started talking about rings again and getting engaged ‘for real’. Things were different this time, it wasn’t about the most expensive piece of jewelry we could get our hands on, we did more research about what we (yes, we) deemed most important in a diamond. The ring we ultimately decided on was simple and beautiful. It cost about 4x as much as the set I *settled* on 4 years prior.

 

I guess what I’m getting at is don’t rush into anything. Had my Fiance and I gotten engaged 4 years ago we would not have been in the right place, individually and together, to make a healthy relationship work. I am so thankful we waited because 1) we’re so much happier together now that we know how to be our own person outside of our relationship and 2) I got a ring I LOVE, and still stare at every single day and don’t feel like I *settled* for it.

 

ETA: When he proposed I didn’t even look at the ring until almost 10 minutes later. I was so involved in what he was saying and knowing that THIS is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with had me a little distracted. We picked out every part of the ring together so it wasn’t a surprise as to what it looked like, but in that moment the ring didn’t even matter.

Post # 23
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
jessiquh :  If you really loved him and wanted to get married for the RIGHT reasons, then a Wal-Mart ring would be just fine. The fact that he wants to spend the rest if his life with you is the real prize. However, you might be 20 but that’s still very young. 18 is even younger, especially when it comes to men! (I don’t know any 18 yr olds that qualify as “men” by that age though… no offense, but that is still a teenager.) 

If I had married the guy I was dating when I was 20, we would probs be divorced by now lol. I didn’t meet my Fiance until I was 21, we didn’t start dating until I was 22, and he’s 8 years older. It’s very rare for a young man to be fully prepared for that kind of commitment.
Also, Fiance proposed to me with a $150 ring at first, and I rocked that thing like it was worth a million bucks. I loved it because of the MEANING behind it, not how much it cost. Plus he proposed a week before we had our baby, so money was tight and better spent on other things.
I think you’ve been obsessing over rings for so long that you’ve lost sight of what is really important (understandable, you’re young too). I really hope you think long and hard about your situation, because life decisions shouldn’t be made lightly and you’ll realize when you’re older that a decision may seem right at the time, but years down the road you’ll be like “what the actual hell was I thinking?!” I’ve had so many of those moments already, and I’m only 24. This is coming from someone who has made all the mistakes already lol!! Best of luck to you! 

<!–Clip_XXXX_170609_162745_182–>

Post # 24
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee

Hearing an awful lot about Walmart rings lately (coincidentally). I didn’t even know Walmart sold rings!

Post # 25
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
jessiquh :  Walmart is ok because if that’s what you can afford, then that’s what you should get. You shouldn’t go above what you and your partner both feel comfortable spending. Your boyfriend is still in highschool. He’s most likely not been financially independent yet. He’s being responsible by not spending thousands on a ring when you guys are so young. You can always upgrade later when you are more financially stable.

Personally, I’d look on etsy for things in the $200 range. You’ll probably find something prettier and more bang for your buck than at walmart. And if you really want a $1500 ring and your boyfriend is uncomfortable spending that much, you can always open up your wallet and pay the difference.

As to age. You guys are really young and you’ve been dating for a very short amount of time. People change very much between 18 and 20. You guys are still practically kids who haven’t had time to explore the world or your own desires as adults. And given that you’ve only been together for 6 months, you don’t know eachother too well. This is not to say that in a few years you won’t still want to be married, but people change a lot in a short amount of time at your age. You two might become very different people. So wait out the honeymoon phase and be adults together for a little bit of time before getting married. There’s no rush. You’re still young.

Also, don’t compare yourself to your friends. They might be married and have great rings, but they’re not you and your boyfriend. So their life isn’t necessarily right for you.

Finally, about worth and rings. I’m 25 and my fiance is 29. My ring is $550. I chose it. It’s perfect, in part because it’s exactly what we can afford right now. Even the $550 was a bit of a stretch, but we were able to pay it in 3 chunks with no interest so it didn’t interfere with rent payments. Regardless of the price tag, there’s so much love in this ring. There’s an engraving that means the world to me and there’s the fact that this ring even exists and was given to me by a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. This shows that though he doesn’t have a big bank account, I am worth a lot to him.

Which is definitely something you should remember. The ring is just a symbol to show you that he wants to grow old with you and share adventures and hardships and his heart with you. He’s not just giving you a ring. He’s giving you his life. And if that’s not enough, then I don’t know what could be.

Post # 26
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
bumblebug :  THIS!!!

Post # 27
Member
20 posts
Newbee

Just listening to what you’re saying proves you are way too young. If you want to say no to his proposal because it’s a “crappy ring”… you are too immature for this. You’re not marrying a ring, you’re marrying a person.

Post # 28
Member
11371 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

$1500 is the threshold for real love? Good tip. 

Post # 29
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
leilarobs2 :  Lol I thought that too!! I actually stopped by the jewelry section to check!

To OP,  just echoing what the other posters have said. Age does matter especially since your SO is younger than you and hasn’t even started  his career yet. If you’re in a hurry I don’t think you have much choice of rings at this point. You guys have SO much to learn still and lots of growing up to do. Maybe slow your roll and not rush things so much.

Post # 30
Member
6882 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
jessiquh :  I am sorry but yes you are way too young. The brain does not fully mature until the age of 25.  So you and him will mature and grow and definitely change within the next few years. Your bf hasn’t even graduated high school yet.  I don’t know any males or females for that fact who are/were in high school could afford let alone even purchase a engagement ring for $1500 or less.  Plus you are 6 months in this relationship and still in the “honeymoon” phase.  Let your relationship grow and if in a year or so if you two feel the same way then get engaged. 

The topic ‘Feel like I'm not worth it.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors