(Closed) Feel like I'm not worth it.

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 46
171 posts
Blushing bee

If a ring is important to you and you know he will have a good paying job, why not wait until he’s done school and has started working to get engaged? Not only will he be able to afford a nicer ring, but it will also give you more time to see if you truly are compatible to be together longterm, because 6 months is really not a long time at all. Win-win!

I think that “age doesn’t matter” is really just a catch phrase (imo)- age matters a great deal! Age indicates maturity, level of brain developpement, stage of life, life experience… etc 

Post # 47
40 posts
  • Wedding: February 2018

what I would suggest is you sit down with his mum or someone significant in his life and discuss what you were thinking and whether they think you are ready having seen your relationship in real life. Relationships are exponentially easier with family support. Remember, it’s a lot less heartache to wait another year or two for a ring than it is to call off an engagement or go through a divorce. Also, (and this is something it toolbar me until I was 27 to learn) the other ladies on the board, myself and (if you take my advice) his mum or a significant person are not awful people, wanting young happy gorgeous people or couples to be miserable or die alone. Sometimes from the outside it’s easier to be objective than from the inside. 

Post # 48
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Just curious,  can you afford a ring at that price? In the same time frame you’re expecting him to? If not you shouldn’t be expecting it from him either. And if you’re not financially stable I strongly advise against getting engaged or married any time soon. 

Post # 49
650 posts
Busy bee

If you had posted this exact scenario where you were both in your mid-late 20s, and he had been working this high-paying job for quite some time, the responses you would get would be quite different. It’s not a reflection on you – he is still in school, and even though he might have money coming in in the near future, he doesn’t have it now. I don’t think there’s anything terrible about wanting a pretty ring, but you have to adjust your expectations for your reality. Right now your options are this: 

– Wait until he’s been earning money for a year or so and can afford your dream ring at a later date.

– Buy the ring you want yourself.

– Buy a pretty CZ from Berricle or somewhere similar that has the look you want at a price that is doable for him right now. If you baby it, it will likely last until you have the money to upgrade at an anniversary (or, worst case scenario you decide to part ways). I’d highly suspect at least one of your friends with a gorgeous ring has gone this route. 

Post # 50
363 posts
Helper bee

Just tell him you want to spend the $1500-$2500 somewhere else if you have such a problem with Wal-Mart. Problem solved.

Ps. Sorry I misread the numbers in your post. You could always offer to pitch in. Do you like Princess Diana style rings? You can get gorgeous sapphire or lab created sapphire rings with diamond halos for under $500. 

Post # 51
47 posts

I would suggest getting a sweet little band as the engagement ring…. That way when the two of you are ready, you can buy a nice ring and still keep the band. 

Post # 52
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

No one is being negative…everyone is being realistic here and telling you the truth. First off, yes age does matter and your age shows all over your post. Six months of dating is not enough time of getting to know someone before settling down. Secondly, as of right now he doesn’t have that job. I’m not sure if your SO is enrolled in a trade school or a for-profit program (I’m assuming because many of thost automotive programs are) but many of those programs promise you a job or to help you find one after graduating but don’t actually help/hire you for the said job. Dropping $1500 on a ring from someone fresh out of school is going to be hard on anyone regardless of age. You mentioned age doesn’t matter because all your friends are married with gorgeous rings. So wait…are you wanting to marry him or the ring? There are many bees here that have beautiful rings that are from Walmart. You putting so much value on a ring shows you’re not ready for marriage. The cost of the ring does not determine how much he loves you nor if your marriage will last forever. There are many engaged/married bees that have or had placeholders or no rings at all. After ring shopping with my Fiance many times and showing him pics of rings I wanted, he still bought me a ring that I didn’t want. I love that ring and grown attached to it but knowing that marrying him means more to me than the ring itself. There’s no rush. Allow more time for your relationship to grow and don’t place your worth on a ring!

Post # 53
7880 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

From the sounds of it, he hasn’t even started working yet, and hasn’t received his first check. Even when he does, I am assuming that rent, utilities, car payments and food come first (because you surely cannot get married if you cannot live independently). So are all of those things set up? If so, how? As a PP said, could YOU afford to spend your proposed ring budget right now? And if you cannot, how can you expect him to? If you can, then you can buy the ring and no one else needs to know who bought it. 

I say to give things some time, both for the sake of the relationship and for the sake of financial security. You’re putting the cart before the horse if the two of you are not gainfully employed and able to afford the expenses of living before you go demanding a ring.

Post # 54
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My dear, you are very young. I know being young and in love is amazing. He doesn’t have a job, it sounds like you don’t either. Go through stuff. A ring doesn’t have to cost a shit ton. Mine was like 1600. But I’m also 25 and my fiancé works a job and I also have a job. I went through a point where I didn’t have 25 bucks to my name and had .1.97 in my account. That’s hard. I couldn’t imagine either one of us having to make a payment when we were there financially. You have no concept of expenses. only making so much. Your boyfriend sounds like my ex and it sounds like you’re in a hurry to get married. Marriage is work and it doesn’t come easy. You have so much time. Please take it slow and god bless. 

Post # 55
1503 posts
Bumble bee

 $1500 is expensive by most people’s standards. 

He is 18 and just starting his career and you want him to spend $1500 on a ring when he hasn’t even established himself? He has his financial priorities straight. You do not. His budget is reasonable based on his situation. 

Post # 57
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Just out of curiosity, what is this good paying job he will be getting right out of high school? Good paying at 18 and good paying at 25 are completely different. I have to go back to school to get my masters to even make a livable wage. I think you guys need to hold off for awhile and be fully independent adults first. Why rush it?

Post # 58
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

All your friends are married? Where do you live? A commune?  

Post # 59
3437 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

You sound immature and ungrateful. If you want what you consider to be an inexpensive ring get it yourself. Problem solved. Its not your age that makes me think you’re not ready for marriage its your attitude and lack of sensible priorities.

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