Post # 1
Hey Bees 🙂
First post! I found this forum a couple of weeks ago and have literally been stalking it ever since!
So here’s the story-I’ve been with my boyfriend over 2 years and been living together almost 1 year. I love him to bits and he’s the only person I’ve ever been with where I think yeah, he’s the one. He’s been telling me since January he wants to spend his life with me.
So you get the picture, I’m happy with our relationship but I’m 31 and he’s 33 and I feel like I’m running out of time. I am just awful at having conversations with him about marriage as I don’t want to seem pushy or to make him feel rushed. I plucked up the courage last week and asked him if we were definitely on the same page and that I want to start a family in a couple of years and asked how he felt about it. He wants the same things, only problem is he told me he’s racked up some credit card debt since this year and has a pretty big overdraft so wants to clear those first.
Now I don’t know what to do, I want to get married, get a house and have babies but I’ve got to wait for him to pay off debt I didn’t even know he had, its not massive amounts but could potentially take a year I suppose.
Not sure what sort of help I wanted from posting this, more of a rant I guess. I don’t want to wait much longer for a proposal that’s probably not coming till the end of next year!
Post # 3
you cant go halfsies on a ring? or get a cheap stand in. maybe you need to have an indepth chat about fertility at your age. alot of guys just dont understand the urgency. you can still get engaged while he takes his year to pay things off. maybe you two can set up savings/wedding fund, make some cutbacks.
Post # 4
I met my fiance last year at the age of 35 my fiance was 38. We got engaged this year and will marry next year. These times that you spend worrying about your ages instead spend it loving each other more. Everything in life works out the way it needs to. I have a wonderful saying to remind myself to stop obsessing and worrying. “Let it be what it needs to be” and like Byron Katie said “Life with resolve itself in the process of life itself”.
Post # 5
@NickiBee: I’m not sure if he’d let me contribute towards a ring, however I wouldn’t be worried about having a less expensive one or a stand in so I will definitely mention that. Yep, I have tried having the fertility over 30 conversation, but he didn’t really get it and still thinks there’s loads of time! I think maybe part of the problem is that his brother and a few of his friends are a couple of years older and in long term relationships but not engaged/married so he’s following their lead.
Smiley me -Thank you for your advice 🙂 that’s a good saying. I try not to worry and obsess over this too much, just finding it a bit tough at the moment!
Post # 6
If money’s the issue, settle for a stand-in ring for now and get yourselves down to the courthouse to seal the deal. You can always upgrade the bling and throw a big wedding when you’re more financially secure. Those things can be put on hold. Your fertility, however, cannot.
Post # 7
I’ve been with my guy for close to 8 years, and it’s taken him a little longer than a year now to get ready to propose (i.e. pay off debt, design the ring, buy the ring, have the ring sized, plan something special, etc…). He’s told me he’ll be asking me sometime before my 31st birthday on 12/02. When you’re ready, waiting is hard, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it.
I think you were smart to talk to your boyfriend if you’re really ready to spend your life with him…and, you deifnitely sound like you’re ready. Now, he knows your answer and can use this year to plan out something amazing for you to look forward to!
Remember: BIG things take time. He loves you and knows what you want now, so he’ll do it soon 😉
Best of luck, Sparkles81 🙂
Post # 8
Ah thanks guys for all your replies, they have definitely helped me feel a bit better 🙂 I will have a chat with him about a cheaper/stand in ring and hopefully that’ll nudge things along a bit.
Post # 9
I’m with everyone else here saying that you should consider a less expensive ring. The ring my SO just ordered cost just a little over $1000, which we both thought was very reasonable. I don’t like expensive jewelry and will not wear diamonds for ethical reasons. Also, we want to spend more money in other places, like on our honeymoon.
There are a lot of great lower cost options for engagement rings. We went with Diamond Nexus Labs, but there’s a lot of different diamond simulants out there. Plus moissanite or any number of other stones. You could get something that is absolutely gorgeous and different for a song.
Post # 10
Also, I wanted to add that I feel your pain! I broke down in tears one day and poured my heart out to my SO about the biological clock issue. He was very sweet about it, actually. Our timeline was already pretty short, but I’m impatient.
It’s natural and responsible to worry about your fertility!!
Post # 11
@Sparkles81: Just wanted to add that sometimes the cheaper/stand-in ring option might not work. When I mentioned how much I thought was reaonsable my SO made it clear that the ring is “OUR” thing, not just mine, and reflects on him as well, and so he wanted something he was comfortable with. While thankfully we don’t have financial stuff to take into accoutn, our ideas of what is appopriate to spend differs by several orders of magnitude – with mine being less. So, just consider that even though you might be happy with much less, he might not be, and try and understand it from his perspective if he says that.
Post # 12
I agree with MariaW – Some guys believe that the ring will reflect on them… I think he may be concerned if he gets you a cheap ring… well it represents how he feels about you, and even if it is only a stand in ring… My man told me re: Promise Rings, what was the point and what a waste. If something is worth doing, it is worth doing properly the first time.
You could suggest helping to fund the ring, maybe loan him money or something on the proviso that no one would ever know..