Post # 1
I feel like I got punched in the stomach.
So tonight I was on the phone with my mom and she brought up something totally unexpected. She told me that my sister tells her things that I have said and done all of the time that are very hurtful (as in me saying or doing things that would upset my mom or are about me being mean about my mom) but she never tells me about them b/c she assumes and/or hopes my sister is lying or making things up. I have no clue what these things are as she refused to tell me but I can only imagine. She then tells me that my sister has a huge malicious streak and is thoughtless, and says things to my mom that hurt my mom and my mom doesn’t think she realizes how hateful she is being. So I say to my mom something along the lines of “I hope I never do that to you” so of course she tells me I do (along with more stuff about how I’m pretty much awful that has me feeling like absolute dirt).
So I feel ill – my sister – who is my Maid/Matron of Honor – is apparently spiteful and malicious and seems to hate me, and my mom thinks I’m a monster.
In my own defense, I never ever talk to my sister, she is really only my Maid/Matron of Honor b/c my mom insisted and I didn’t want to rock the boat. And I have no idea what is that I’ve done to upset my mother, I’ve always thought I was a pretty decent daughter. She didn’t give me specifics that would help me know WHAT I’ve done wrong, or I’d go ahead and share them here.
I’m stunned and I’m crying and it’s midnight, and I just needed to get this out.
Post # 3
That’s awful, especially since she won’t give you any details. Shame on her for putting you through this.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
I’m sorry. I’m an only child, so I know I don’t totally understand sibling relationships, but this is a terrible thing for her to do. It still shocks me how hateful, backhanded, and manipulative people can be.
Hopefully after some sleep it will all feel better? Or at least you can have a level-headed conversation with your sister and maybe mother again. 🙁
Post # 5
Yeah, I can’t see what your mom’s point was. Why was she telling you all this without giving you details? You can’t make it better without knowing what it wrong. Sorry you are going through this. I agree with FiftyFootBride, call her tomorrow after some sleep. Things will make more sense in the morning.
Post # 6
It’s so not okay to complain about something and refuse to say what it is. It’s manipulative and a total refusal to heal because how can you fix something when you don’t know what you’re supposed to fix? I’m so sorry she’s acting like this.
Post # 7
I ‘m sorry to say this because no one should rag on another person’s family, but I strongly disagree with what your mom did. No, not what she did because if she’s really hurt by some things that have been said then she was right to bring it up. But I don’t agree with how she handled it. You are powerless to make it right or apologize (what would you be apologizing for, after all?) when she won’t tell you what you’ve done wrong. Especially considering that you rarely speak to your sister (Is the “spiteful and hateful” comment your mom’s or your own? It’s just strange if she said that about your sis and then followed up with “and you’re a monster.” ).
The way you’ve described the situation, it sounds like your mom is trying to stir up controversy and discord. It’s just not normal for someone, a parent especially, to dump this kind of thing on someone without any real desire to clear the air and make things right.
Post # 8
That’s not fair at all! That sounds like something that happens on the playground at recess:
Girl1: “I heard you said something about me”
Girl2: “Really? What did you hear?”
Girl1: “Oh you know what you said…”
Why would your mom try to stir the pot like that? A mother should never play her kids against each other like that, especially if their daughters relationship is strained. If this were my mom, I’d have flipped out & called my sister. You know your mom better than anyone else…. has she done something like this before? Is she a jealous person? Or is this completely out of character?
Oh my gosh.. I’m outraged for you! I’m sorry you’re being played against your sister because your mom is hurt! How upsetting… ((hugs))
Post # 9
Sounds a little to me like MOM might be crying out for attention. She’s claiming you and your sister both hurt her, but saying she doesn’t think either of you means to… could be sis is as innocent in this all as you are.
Could be otherwise, but … well, it’s hard to know.
Sometimes I have trouble remembering my parents are people too, haha. They’ve always been my parents, so when they do stupid stuff or mess up or, well, act out of emotions, it’s hard for me to give them grace (or be the ‘adult’ in the situation). I feel like just because they’re my parents, they aren’t supposed to have emotional weaknesses. Could be your mom has a few just like my mom 🙂
Are you considering letting her know how upset you are that she feels hurt by things you do? Hope this can all be talked out in one big heart to heart :/
Post # 10
Well said Daydream. Where are you in China?
Post # 11
Is your mom a drama mama? Based on what you said, it seems more like she wanted to create some drama and manipulate your feelings and less like you sister and you are just awful and malicious. I would take what she said about you and your sister with a grain a salt because I think it sounds like she was trying to rile you up.