Post # 31
You are NOT bland or lacking in personality! I’m so furious on your behalf. This relationship has bent you over backwards so many times that you don’t know which way is up.
Here’s my advice – fall in love with yourself. Give yourself all the love, acceptance and support you can, and keep doing it until you feel that rush of love when you think about yourself. PPs have given a lot of great suggestions on how to get out when the time comes, and when you are ready to go I am sure you can do it financially. The hard part is knowing you are enough, that you are fantastic company, sexy, loving, sassy, with strong boundaries and a lot of fun ahead. It’s all uphill from here, we are rooting for you!
Post # 32
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. It’s a really tough situation to be in. I, too, found myself no longer in love with my ex at one point in our relationship. He didn’t treat me the way your husband treats you, but if he did, I think I would’ve left even sooner. I also felt like I did not have the option of leaving for a long time due to financial reasons. I was a stay at home mom and our families lived on the other side of the country. Eventually my daughter and I ended up staying with my mom for a few months while I took some time to get back on my feet. Is there anyone you and your son could stay with while you take some time to get established? Only you know what the right choice is for you and your son, but you can’t move forward in life until you’ve made a change, one way or another.
Post # 33
If your parents are trustworthy, I would still confide in them – they may not be able to help financially, but just having someone to root for you would be a big plus.
I would also suggest looking for any local support networks for women, particularly for women in vulnerable situations. It might be also worth contacting any local charities who offer support to women in abusive relationships. Because this IS an abusive relationship.
Post # 35
Not every prenup is set in cement. They have to be done right and in compliance with the laws in your jurisdiction.
It would probably be worthwhile to have a qualified attorney review your prenup. Emphasis on *qualified*. It’s a specialized area of the law.
Find out where you really stand.
Post # 36
Thanks everyone for the advice. I reached out to an old friend to just vent and was given some really great advice and a wake up call of sorts. Because of everything going on with covid, financially im in a bad place to just up and leave right now. I want to go back to school as well, and my D.H. has been very hot and cold with that idea as well. I dont know how much i can throw my support at him with all his goals and dreams and get none in return, his reaction is always wait a few years, wait a few more years, etc. and it really internally bothers me a lot. I want so much more for my own life but to have no one around to support me makes it really hard to keep pushing forward.
our sex life is zero, theres no more passion, my husband has let himself go in those areas and my pure exhaustion of being a stay at home mom through all this has zapped my sex drive completely dry, but it doesnt help that i dont crave my husband when im in that kind of mood either. I just think the love and passion is completely gone for me. I dont really know where to go from here….
Post # 37
Oh dear bee you need an exit plan. You need to secure a place to stay and a way to bring in cash that can be stashed in a place where he can’t reach. I think you should completely consider going back to school. You don’t need his permission for that. However, I’d wait until you were in a more stable situation. In the meantime, find out how your family and friends can support you.
You are so much stronger than you realize and there’s people willing to help you if you just ask. I know the thought of telling people what’s really going can be scary but people can surprise you.
Some beginner reading to help you get started: https://www.mydomaine.com/pieces-of-divorce-advice-for-women-1102751