(Closed) feel like things are ruined…

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
angelica15:  I found out my Fiance was going to propose (thanks airport security!) the weekend he did and that ruined the “surprise” but I didn’t let it ruin the thought. He loves me, wants to spend the rest of his life with me (and I with him). I think you are focusing too much on what you didn’t get that you are failing to see what you are gaining: a promise of a beautiful life together.

Take a deep breath, step back and work on making up for your disappointment in other ways–maybe you guys can have a romantic date where he asks again, or maybe you could propose to him? Or you can focus on making the wedding very intimate and romantic?

Post # 3
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Has he actually proposed yet?  If not, even though being proposed to won’t be a surprise, he can still surprise you in how he does it.  I think most women know when the proposal is coming, but it doesn’t change how wonderful it is.  If the proposal hasn’t happened yet, let him know that you want how he does it to be a total surprise.<br />

Post # 4
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You’re engaged to a man you love. You’re going to marry him, have a baby with him and start your lives together. What is it, exactly, that you feel is lacking in the romance department? He loves you, is committing to you, and is, according to you, totally pumped about the baby and wedding. You have everything you need. Frankly, being so hung up on the super speshul Hollywood proposal screams “attention seeker”. You guys have made a bunch of grown-up decisions here, so my advice to you is: be an adult, focus on and appreciate what you have (because you have a sh*t ton to be grateful for and excited about), and don’t let the lack of “surprise” proposal overshadow what matters. Congratulations on your wedding and your baby!

Post # 5
3263 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Growing up we have a picture in our minds of how it’s going to be. The reality is, life just doesn’t happen on a written out schedule. You can still ask him to do a suprise proposal, it will be different but no less special. You are brining a life into this world, you are blessed, be thankful for all that you have.

Post # 6
493 posts
Helper bee

at this point if you have the ring and you are happy with him you need to just get over the fact that you will never have a suprise proposal because, you’re right, you never will. When we found out we were pregnant I told my SO I wanted to put all engagement/wedding talk on hold until after the baby was born because I wanted to make sure that 1) it is about us an not the baby and 2)so that I still have that suprised feeling. You made your choice and that’s what you get. I get upset somedays wishing I had it the other way, but I have to be happy with my decision.

Post # 7
5641 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

A surprise, thoughtful and romantic proposal is a very nice moment but does not define how good or lasting your marriage will be and there are other more significant moments you will share with SO.  Be happy at the fact he is so committed and excited about your new phase as a married couple and future parents.  Wish you a long and happy marriage!!!

Post # 8
8601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Life doesn’t follow our plans. Just let them go, be grateful, and adapt! I’m sure it’s jarring but relax and have faith- your guy sounds very loyal and you’re getting all you want. Just rearranged a bit. deep breaths!

Post # 9
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
angelica15:  You got a “surprise” pregnancy instead of a “romantic” proposal, and the guy is excited and wants to marry you. And you think your plans were ruined? Count your blessings, honey. Life ain’t a fairy tale. 

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by Taimane.
Post # 11
446 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
angelica15:  Ok, you could give him the ring back and ask him to give it you ‘properly’?

Maybe that is too forced though. What if you suggest exchanging a love note at a dinner out?

You can prepare it in advance and maybe reading the content at a candlelit supper will be enough to move you and be that special moment you are seeking.


Post # 12
5 posts
  • Wedding: April 2015

I saw your post, and I totally understand how you feel. My “proposal” came suddenly when my now Fiance got a job across the country, and I told him that I couldn’t move with him unless we were engaged. So he took me out to dinner and presented one of my own rings as an engagement ring, because we had no time for anything else.

I felt really bad and dissappointed about it for months, because I had always wanted to be surprised and have a big romantic proposal. I think two things that really helped were:

1) My Fiance and I planned a short week-end romantic trip after we moved as a “celebration of our engagement”. 

2) Planning the actual wedding has been so exciting, that it makes me think less and less of the proposal

Focus on your baby and your wedding!! Those are much more exciting life events than a proposal. And don’t feel guilty about being disappointed. If it was something you really wanted, of course it’s natural to feel disappointed! It will ease as time goes on. Good luck!


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