(Closed) Feel like venting a bit, could use advice, especially if I am in the wrong.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Nope, you are not being bitchy. You are not being a bridezilla. You are planning a wedding. You didn’t even go crazy about anything, just posted a document with venue ideas and a guest list.


The only thing I can think of is that maybe your sister does not want to really be involved with planning your wedding (which is totally fine; it’s your wedding not hers), and she saw you adding her to the group as being “volun-told” to help with something she has no interest in and is not her responsibility. Did you ask her if she wanted to be added to the group or did you just assume?

ETA: don’t stop planning though because of this; get’er done! You one year from now will be thanking you for doing that!


Post # 4
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Your sister sounds like my sister.  She would make snarky remarks trying to beat me down in one way or another.  I think you were well within your rights to explain how the comment made you feel.  I think you doing it privately makes it even more okay.  I also think your sister is being super immature for stating she’ll “never post again” as a way to attempt to punish you for standing up to her.  She sounds like a class A bully.




I am a September 2014 bride and I’ve already started planning, too! It’s never too early to start planning!  I have my dress already, my venue booked, and am already starting my DIY decorations.  Best of luck!


Post # 5
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

@sweet5k:  I don’t think you’re being sensitive. I mean,  it’s a liiiiiittle early to start heavy planning… but nothing that’s too over the top. I would just caution you to put as much effort into the job search as wedding planning. My sister and Future Brother-In-Law are in the same boat,  and had to drastically cut funds because he hasn’t found a job as quickly as he anticipated. 12 months ago it was OK,  now they’re 5 weeks out and cancelling the honeymoon. Just make sure that you prioritize smartly. Congrats on the engagement!


Post # 6
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Sounds to me like your sister just reacted negatively and now feels bad about it even though she didn’t really apologize (maybe she was having a bad day, or is jealous that you’re engaged/getting lots of attention, etc.). Otherwise, she wouldn’t have said that she didn’t want to be removed, since she wants to be involved in the planning process.

I think the wisest thing to do would be to drop it and continue as you normally would. Let your sister know (gently) that you are planning on your own schedule, and she can make the decision as to how involved she wants to be and when. Tell her you’ll just include her with everything so she doesn’t feel left out, and if she doesn’t want to be involved with that task or at that time, she can let you know, and there won’t be any hard feelings. Just because she’s included in the group doesn’t mean she has to go and read the updates if she doesn’t want to.

Post # 7
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

your sister had someothing die in her ass I think.  You didn’t order her around, she could remove herself from the group.

Is your sis jelous of you?  I could see if she was older and waiting that it’s hit her hard that you are planining a wedding. 

IMO, you did nothing wrong.


Post # 8
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sweet5k:  I wouldn’t put your planning on hold over this!  Yes your sister was out of line, but she did take the post down.  She may be smarting a bit over being called out on her comment, or maybe there is something else going on behind the scenes that you may not know about, but I’m sure it won’t literally be the last time she posts on the board.  Unless you went crazy on her in your PM, I wouldn’t feel too bad.  It is always sad when drama starts, especially this far away from the wedding. 


I think you are choosing to make good use of the free time you have available to you right now and you will appreciate using it so wisely when you do have a job and are closer to your big day.  You will find as you move further along in the planning process that you will have to develop a bit of a tougher skin to deal with all the opinions and ideas that come your way.

Post # 9
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

There is a saying that gets stuck in my head often.  You can please everyone some of the time or some people all of the time.  I’ll be honest, I was hesitant to get into planning mode at first because I didn’t want to bug people with wedding talk all the time.  Now I find that I’ve lost 6 months and have plenty left to do!

Post # 10
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

People throw that word around like it is nothing and I don’t think they realize how hurtful it can be.  My grandma called me a bridezilla because I told her I probably wouldn’t have enough food to feed people that randomly show up at my wedding.  Keep planning you have just around a year and a half, which I think is the perfect time to start planning because it will spread everything out and will be less stressful once you do get a job.  Let her sister stew in her own stupidity and move on.  Have fun planning!!!

Post # 11
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My thoughts are this.  Your sister was being a little harsh and insensitive.  She knows you have a lot of time on your hands because you are not working.  That can be really tough on a person.

That being said, I’ve never known anyone to make a facebook group about their wedding plans.  Especially over a year in advance when there is no official date set.   I think that is a little over the top, and if you want to share things with them you can email them or tell them over the phone?  It seems like a long time for people to hear about your plans.  I’m not sure a FB group is necessary and I would definitely be put off by one.

ETA:  I am kind of guessing your Fiance feels the same way, and didn’t want anyone on his side knowing about your FB group.  I am not trying to be harsh, just giving my honest opinion.


Post # 12
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds like your sister is jealous.  I’m guessing that she’s older, and perhaps expected that she would be planning her own wedding before yours.  Regardless, she’s being irrational and dramatic.  I’d leave her in the group for now, since she requested to stay, and continue planning.  If she continues with the outbursts, just remove her from the group. 

Tossing around venue ideas and a general guest list is a good idea at this stage of planning.  You don’t want to fall in love with a $10k venue when you have $5000 to spend.  Nor do you want to love a 100 person venue when you want to invite 300 people. 

Post # 13
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MariContrary:  the last paragraph of the OP implies the sister is already married.

Post # 14
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You’re not being bridezilla, your sis was probably just surprised at how you’ve jumped into planning. You’re smart to get as much done early as possible. But do be prepared for people to not be as excited about planning as you and Fiance are. I remember feeling hurt by that, but people just have their own lives and don’t necessarily want to be involved in planning.

A word of advice though – you should keep your guest list just between you & Fiance. Especially if you’re having a long engagement, things happen, relationships change, and it’s really best that you only share the guest list with need-to-know parties (you, Fiance, & your parents, no one else).

Post # 15
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, I would remove her from the group and nip this in the bud. You’re (rightly!) excited about your wedding, you started a private group with exactly three members aside from you and your Fiance to brainstorm and discuss plans, and she’s being unsupportive and rude. If she thought you were oversharing/expecting too much attention too early, she could have said so much more gently in a private conversation. You and your mom can fill her in on the details closer to the wedding, but IMO including her in the planning this far out is just providing her with ammo for more snark and criticism over the next year and a half, which will only strain your relationship. When she decided to be rude and hurtful she lost the privilege of being included in everything.

I would also definitely keep the group very private, avoid overwhelming your mom and best friend, and (of course) use the bee when you need an outlet and don’t want to annoy your loved ones.

Post # 16
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t think you were being a bridezilla, but, no offense, there are a lot of details about wedding planning that should not go beyond you and your FH. I get that you want to involve your mom, sister and best friend, but even a private FB group seems like a bit of an over the top way to accomplish this. A lot can happen between now and your wedding, and the last thing you want is for an online record of everything. Stick to phone calls and, if you must, emails. Just my$0.02.

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