(Closed) Feel like won't be able to avoid grandparents "gender" disappointment

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

At the end of the day you’ve gotta look at why you’re having a baby. Is it to please grandparents, or is it to extend your family? If they’re disappointed because you’re having X child, they can fornicate themselves with an iron stick.


They don’t have a say in gender, you don’t have a say in gender, only mother nature does, and she gives exactly 0 fucks in what you, or anybody else want.

I find it’s easier to simply dismiss this as a non-issue, because it is. What will be will be, and your child(ren) will be loved unconditionally no matter what’s between their legs.

Post # 3
2797 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
Buymymixtape :  well, you could have boy/girl twins 😉 but seriously, try not to worry. You can’t please everybody, nor should you have to. And at least one set of grandparents will be thrilled….plus, everyone will love your little one regardless.

Post # 4
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

No experience at all, but really, either way they should just get over it. “You” wouldn’t disappoint anyone, it’s not like you have a decision in the matter either. Lol. I think maybe grandparents at first want a boy or girl, but once you find out the gender they should be excited either way & not really feel disappointed.

Post # 5
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

parents will be ecstatic with grandchildren no matter what. please don’t worry about this.

Post # 6
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Everyone thought we were having a boy including me, one of my SIL’s declared that “it better be a boy” (jokingly but still) and when I told my parents it was a girl, my Mom sounded disappointed. Both DH and I only have sisters, have a lot of female cousins etc. OH WELL it’s not like we had a choice in the matter, and we will love our child unconditionally and can only hope our families will do the same.

Post # 7
1274 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
Buymymixtape :  I probably would have been if my SIL hadn’t had twin girls.  I’m an only child so my parents are going to love whatever we give them, but prior to my SIL having twin girls my SILs had 5 boys between them.  Now we are just a disappointment because we can’t seem to get pregnant and have any grandchildren. 

Post # 8
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My mom was sad when she found out i was having a girl. Now she’s on my last nerve with all of the stuff she’s buying 😂 They will be OK no matter what you’re having. It’s not like anyone has a say – they’ll get over it.

Post # 9
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My MIL’s response when I told her we were having a boy was, “I hope the next one is a girl!” Ugh. My only advice is to not let it stress you out. Babies are miracles and should be treated as such. You have no control over the sex!

Post # 10
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

As a grandparent, I can tell you that you need to stop having anxiety over this issue. Any new grandchild, regardless of his or her gender, will be received with great joy by your parents as well as your SO’s parents. It’s not your job to try to “deliver” a boy to your parents or a girl to your inlaws to compensate for the lack of one gender or another in each of the family lines. You have no control over this outcome anyway.

Also, gender absolutely is an appropriate synonym for sex. A person’s gender is the same as his or her biological sex. What I think people are confusing is the difference between someone’s gender and his or her gender identity, which are not always the same.


Post # 11
6369 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

You have to stop concerning yourself with what others want and think. My Mother-In-Law (who I love and get along with well) has told me numerous times that she hopes our first child is a boy because “she already has a granddaughter!” Each time I just shrug and say “not up to me!” and continue about my business. I’m sure she’d love a grandson, but I know she’ll be happy either way.

Post # 12
2864 posts
Sugar bee

I would give zero fucks what my grandparents want as far as gender. It’s not as if you have any control over the outcome and it’s all about the health of the baby that matters. They are supposed to love your kid unconditionally no matter what.  Maybe I am just a really cold bitch but this would be the least of my gottdamn worries.

Post # 13
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

My BF has told me about how, when we have kids, the first WILL be a boy, because in his family, the first-born is ALWAYS a boy.  His Great-Grandpa was the firstborn, his Grandpa was the firstborn, his Dad was the firstborn, and now him… All of his Dad’s siblings had boys first too.  I really didn’t have much of a bias one way or another until he mentioned that..  I know he didn’t really mean much by it, but just the thought that my kid and my body would be subject to some weird family “tradition” of theirs is just a little much, and somehow I would bring shame to them if I somehow screwed it up… like wtf.  lol

Post # 14
3928 posts
Honey bee

I had a similar fear. My mom has all granddaughters and wanted another (because its what she “knows”), and my Mother-In-Law has 5 grandsons and 1 granddaughter, so she also was hoping for a girl. We were told girl at our ultrasound, but ended up with a boy. I was so worried they would be bummed out, but nope. They were all so excited to just have the baby here that it didn’t matter. At least, nobody said anything to me. Both grandparents are totally in love with our little guy, and have never given me reason to suspect any disappointment. I learned after that that a) it doesn’t matter what anyone feels, its my kid and b) good grandparents love their grandchildren no matter what!

Post # 15
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Just don’t tell them the gender ahead of time. Once they see that beautiful baby they won’t care what the sex is, they will just want to love on thier new grand baby.

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