(Closed) Feeling so guilty about the expenses of our wedding… :(

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 32
Member
1775 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

@OnceUponATime:  Nope, I wish!! I got quotes from a bunch of local places and that’s what I was told. All I wanted was a pocketfold style one! They all told me that there was either a surcharge because I wanted so little, I had to have at least 50, or they would charge me for 50 and they will only make the quantity I require. I would rather send email invites than pay money like that!

I ended up getting premade pocketfolds from a website for $1.19 each, then the cardstock for the invitation and inserts was $0.89 from Michaels, the glue was $4.99/bottle, and it’s costing me $0.69 each to get everything printed. Damn right I’m making those babies myself!

Post # 33
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Weddings are super expensive, and if you can afford it and your parents are helping, stop feeling bad, they are probably happy to be paying (I hope!) and on the day of, you’ll be happy when you’re in a gorgeous venue with gorgeous decor, gorgeous attire, delicious food, happy guests, a fun time dancing because your DJ is doing a good job, and awesome photos that show how great it all was. Your only guilt should be if you and your Fiance don’t work to make your marriage as worthy as the wedding was. I’ve been married since October and anytime we fight (which you will!) I just have to remember that if we were willing to shell $50k for our wedding, we should be willing to shell $50k to make sure we have a perfect marriage.

Post # 34
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

I’m in the exact same boat. My Fiance and I had originally decided to elope and were very excited but our families were so disappointed. We are both the first to marry in our families and decided that perhaps we were being selfish…so we adoted the “it’s for them not us” saying. My Fiance parents are throwing in a ton of cash and my parents have also offered a lot of money and I feel very guilty. Both families want a lavish and elegant affair but it’s too much!

However, I am cutting costs were I can…

I found a local bridal consignment shop in my area

My bestfriend is being my DJ for free.

My Fiance friend is the photographer for very cheap

My friend is offering her hairstyle services for free

I’m ordering my flowers online from a wholesale retailer

My Fiance neighbour makes cheap invitations and her daughter, who is a baker, wants to make our cake for free

My bridesmaid dresses are mismatch. All I want them to be is some form of purple and satin but the girls can buy them off a sale rack of borrow one from a friend. I just want them to save money ๐Ÿ˜›

Although I am overwhlemed with the extavagance I am also overwhelmed by how willing people are to offer their services for cheap if not free. Weddings are a bonding experience for the entire family! I hope you (and everyone else here) can find a way to cut costs where possible and then  try and enjoy everything else! 

Post # 35
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@creativeplannertobee:  This is the coolest idea I have ever gotten from the Bee! Thank you SO much!

My mom has always worked in nursing homes and adult daycares so idk why it didnt occur to me. I know that when my grandma was alive she would have LOVED for someone to have done this. Just thinking about it gives my DIY flower efforts a whole new meaning ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 36
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

@sablemuse:  I spent 3 yrs working as an Activity Director.  It was great to know in advance, if people would be bringing flowers, because I often had 6 different activities plus 1:1’s scheduled, and if I knew in advance I could even schedule a flower arranging activity group and bring those that loved flowers but were “agoraphobic”, or currently too ill to leave their room.  (BTW- I brought many of my daughter’s wedding flowers and placed them in the dining room for residents to enjoy.

Post # 37
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@OnceUponATime: I know how you feel, I’ve felt the same thing since Christmas and it’s not getting easier by having to pay $3000 in flight tickets as I did last week. :/

I even wrote a post about it, but I guess I was too general as some people decided to read a little too much judgment into it.

Bottom line though, we’re paying close to $20.000 for our wedding (flights to Sweden, honeymoon and rings included) and I know it’s below the cost of a mean wedding in North America. Still, when I look at that final number in our budget – I’m not sure whether I want to cry or puke. It’s just so much for such a short little time! People would call me crazy if I blew $20.000 on fireworks, but for a wedding… no one blinks, or if they do it’s because they think I skimp. Argh.

Post # 39
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I feel this way all the time too!  I went through a period where I insisted that we spend no more than $18K, but it was making everyone (FI, parents, in-laws) miserable.  I’ve come to the realization that our parents are happy to spend the money, and I really did do a ton of research in order to be able to present everyone with a full range of options at a number of different price points. 

It also helps to imagine the costs of the wedding being split between everyone doing the planning.  Since there are 6 of us with different preferences and aspects that are “most important” to us, each person’s “stuff” is really closer to $6000.

Post # 40
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@OnceUponATime: I agree. Last year I raised ~$1500 for breast cancer research – this year it wasn’t even in the book that I would do it. Now… $1500 is about what we allocated for our wedding clothes. When I think about it like that I feel a little disgusted by myself. So much money on ONE day and look what it could do for someone else that’s in actual need. I feel like the wedding has made me about 100% more aware of social injustices… I mean, my problem is deciding on things like “glossy card-stock or non glossy card-stock” and I cried when FI’s first set of tickets were priced to $1700… and it’s all luxury problems. Wasteful luxury problems. :/

Post # 41
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@OnceUponATime:  Yeah I’ve been feeling guilty too… Really though, it’s costing so much because that’s what my mom wants, a big wedding. It’s one of the things I am willing to let go and not fight her about since there are other things I will not let go of!!!!! (she is paying for the majority of it)

Post # 42
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We are not the type of people to spend a ton of money on one day, period. We are on a strict budget right now with only one of us working, so I am glad we haven’t gotten too involved in expensive wedding planning.

We just booked our reception venue for $19/per person. We’ll have about 70 people max. I’m about to send out my online invitations through Paperless Post for a whopping $15. My mother is a bridal designer and is making my dress, so $0. I’ll buy some accessories that will probably total $200 max. I’m doing my own hair and makeup. We’ll buy gifts for Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man and several folks doing readings for us (several hundred max). My sister is decorating. We may or may not go on a trip. If we do, it will be last minute. The church has cost us a couple hundred bucks.

So altogether this whole thing is going to cost us under $4k

Post # 43
Member
5974 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I shared this guilt before my wedding. I still have some guilt because after all the gifts we received DH and I didn’t actually pay for anything (gifts/money made it all up) so our parents basically footed the bill. I feel guilty about this because we could have paid. However, they offered and wanted certain things so we just made sure to give them a heartfelt thanks. As for the actual amount spent I also felt guilty. However, now that my wedding has passed and I loved everything single aspect of it I no longer feel the guilt. We/our parents could afford it without any extra struggles or cutting spending elsewhere. Could we have spent that on my student loans or a new car? Sure! But I’m extremely happy with how our day turned out!

 

Post # 44
Member
6386 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t feel even slightly guilty about what I spent on my wedding ($12k, we paid) because I didn’t blow through our savings.  I think having a wedding that is within your budget shouldn’t trigger any feelings of guilt.  We originally had about $40k to spend, so we put $30k towards our home and had the rest for the wedding.  The majority of our budget (60%+) was spent on our guests (food, alcohol, gifts, etc). 

Post # 45
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

@OnceUponATime:  I dal ways wanted a huge lavish weddinbout when I stopped to think about it I didn’t see myself spending 50k on one day. I just couldn’t do it. We have a house and kids…that money would do so much. We are getting married next month with only. 30 guests and Im do happy only important family will be there. Our wedding is costing about 3k for everything. I’m so much happier knowing we didn’t blow a ton on it. It will still be gorgeous and magical and the best day without me feeling bad about money

Post # 46
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@OnceUponATime:  Oh ok, well if you’re worried about spending money on yourself vs others, there’s plenty of charity ideas you could consider incorporating into your wedding:

– have your favors to your guests be a donation to a charity of your choice

– use a charity registry where with all the gifts you receive 5% goes towards a charity

– try making your wedding as green and sustainable as possible

– after the wedding consider donating your leftover food (because you WILL have leftover food) to a homeless shelter

– after the wedding donate your dress (and any other leftover decor) to a charity dress organization that then donates it other brides in need

here’s a whole list of how to make your wedding charitable: http://www.bridalguide.com/planning/wedding-reception/25-ways-to-create-a-charitable-wedding

 

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