(Closed) Feeling so guilty about the expenses of our wedding… :(

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 47
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@OnceUponATime:  I am huge on donating and volunteering, so I totally hear you on that. But from what you’ve said you do donate and help out where you can, right? So just remember that you deserve some spoiling sometimes. Just the fact that you are concerned about others shows you’re deserving of what you have. Just don’t forget that sometimes you need to give back to yourself too! It can just be little things, too. If invitations (just as an example) are something important to you, splurge on that because you deserve it. Cut corners where you can, but don’t also give into some things. πŸ™‚

Post # 49
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@OnceUponATime: But most people on this thread understands! I think that’s that we’re obviously not completely alone with our feelings!

As some other people have said, there’s so much you can do to make things a little better. Like donating your flowers to an old folks home (I’m taking some of our flowers to an old relative the day after), or donating your dress! I also try to find local vendors and support small businesses.

As for your honeymoon, any chance you could actually go to Kenya for it? That way you could collect baby clothes, toys etc and bring it with you for the kids.

Post # 51
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@OnceUponATime: It was just a thought, I know it’s super expensive to go there (my younger brother was a coordinator for an orphanage in South Africa and I couldn’t go). Even if you go with the intention to help, you often have to pay for being part of the volunteer effort – which I understand, it’s just not doable for most people.

Anyway, there’s other things one can do in order to contribute and by the sound of it you’re doing your very best to turn your wedding into something positive!

Post # 52
49 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

Jumping in here πŸ™‚

My wedding was last July and I cut as many corners as I could too, because I wanted it to be more about me and my husband and our story, than look at how much money we have. My hubby makes 200k a year and we could have easily afforded a $80k + wedding if we wanted, but we too felt like it would be a waste, and good god every time I seen a commerical about the starving kids in africa I felt terrible. So aside from donating a bunch of money to various funds, I also found many ways to make our wedding beautiful, but to put the meaning and the emphasis on each other, making us the focal point. Here’s what I did:

– Organized, designed, planned, and executed the entire wedding and all it’s details thus not needing to spend $$$ on a wedding planner.

– Designed and created and wrote our wedding invitations on Purpletrail which gave me a coupon of 40% off my next purchase that I used for the Programs that I also designed and created and wrote πŸ™‚

– I got all my supplies for making the Unity Candle, the candle holder, the bouquets, etc from Michaels and used my coupons that gave me 40% off next purchase, 20% entire purchase, 50% off regular priced item, etc. Sign up for their emails and you’ll get the coupons.

– We got married at the Royal Botanical Gardens, under a tent surrounded by a tapestry of fresh beautiful flowers, so we omitted real flowers and used silks from Michaels πŸ™‚

– Nothing too extravagant at our Ceremony, a few potted albeit gorgeous arrangements that my Aunt did as a gift and sashes on the chairs.

– Instead of having a blow-you-away- decorated recepiton, we kept it simple, yet elegant and the focus being my husband and I. So we had special touches like Candy buffet, personalized napkins, photo booth, signature drinks, story of us in a huge photo frame, facts about us on all the tables, and elegant “Night’s Events” printed on long cards that gave guests a time-line of what would take place.

– Instead of paying $1000.00 for a 4 foot cake, we opted for 5 feet of gormet square cupcakes of different flavors, on a cake stand that my husband built and I decorated πŸ™‚ We saved $500 just that alone πŸ™‚

– Instead of a fancy Rolls Royce to go to the reception, we had just a nice town lincon limo for my hubby and I and drove away to our hotel afterward in our white shiny Ford f-150 πŸ™‚ 

– Instead of a sit-down dinner that everyone complains about, we told everyone to have their dinner where they want, we had a private dinner for 30, and at 7pm we told everyone to come back for cocktails and dessert πŸ™‚

– Instead of a 4 course sit down meal we had a open premium bar, a gormet buffet of 13 different assortments including a chocolate fountain at 10pm. 

– And for our wow factors we had a choregraphed first romantic dance complete with 2 dips and a lift, and I wrote a song for my hubby, and sang it to him for our dedications. 

– As gifts to our bridal party, we rented 2 suites for 2 nights one for the girls and one for the guys so everyone had a place to stay ( a lot of out of towners and province) we used our CAA Platinum membership to save extra $$$.

– We had our friend video our wedding with our own video cam, and we used the same D.J that we had for our Stag and Doe, and who did our Ceremony. He cut us a  deal, and saved us over $400 πŸ™‚

All in all our wedding came to $35k my dress included, and all our incidentals and it didn’t feel like a waste at all πŸ™‚ We could have gone gong ho but we were more about quality than quantity and the comments afterward were still pouring in months later Smile

So it can be done!! πŸ™‚


Post # 53
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@OnceUponATime:  I agree with you. Whether I could afford it or not, I wouldn’t do it as there are better and more productive ways to spend the money (and I am always baffled at bees who mention not having good jobs, not being able to buy a house, etc., etc. being willing to spend so much on a wedding – not sure about those priorities). I honestly can’t justify the expense on a single day, so we are doing a 2 week weddingmoon. I don’t feel that is a waste because we love vacations, so we figured we would get married on one πŸ™‚

Post # 54
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 i felt the same,my wedding was 5 days ago and it went by so fast.we had our wedding in a hotel with the cocktail hour,seated dinner and a cake.the hotel provided everything.i added no decorations to anything besides the wedding arch.

people who go to weddings usually are there for the couple,to spend the special day with, the food and the entertanment.so much money is wasted on unnessasary things that no one but us brides care about.i would do a few things different if i had the chance.

i had everything a bride could want,my princess wedding,i really had everything and everything cost less then $7000 for 75 people and our 4 nights at the hotel and a room for my 2 kids.if i had a 100 people wedding i could have done it all for less then $9,000.it just takes some searching for the best deals.it can be done πŸ™‚  

there really is no need to spend alot of money on one day,it will be just one important day in your life but not the most important,you will have children,graduations,grandbabies,now thats the most important imo,not a wedding. 

Post # 55
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013


oh and i did my own hair and make up.i only wear make up maybe 4 or 5 times a year   so i am somewhat clueless lol,but everything turned out great.do your own hair and makeup and save alot of money there  

Post # 56
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I understand your guilt. 

I became unemployed the week we got engaged, and although we had saved for the wedding, and our parents are helping us, I feel guilty in wanting to have nice things for the wedding day. I did as much DIY was possible (garter, invitations, favours, decorations), and we carefully considered many options before settling on our chosen venue. We had been saving for about a year before we got engaged, so when unemployment struck, we thought, we’ll be good, I’ll be able to get a job no problem. Problem, it’s hard to find a job. I found a job for about 5 months outside of my field, but she stopped paying me (and all the other employees) and has closed up shop. Now, 1 year after my first day of unemployment, and 1 month to our wedding, I am feeling guilty for not wanting to wear dollar-store/cheap jewelry on my wedding day. Fiance says we’re fine and not to worry, but it’s hard not to feel guilty and feel worried.

Post # 57
5 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

I feel the same way, only I’m having to pay for everything myself. I’ve been pricing venues, etc, for months and it’s crazy how expensive everything is! I feel so guilty spending this money on one day, when I can use that money to buy a house, a new car, or put away for my future children, etc. I’m trying to budget myself but it’s extremely difficult when everything these days costs an arm and a leg. 

Post # 58
24 posts
  • Wedding: February 2013

We had our dream wedding, I wanted to go a bit cheaper but hubby wanted to go all out.  There were definitely times I felt bad about spending all that money, especially when people thought it would be nice to point out that would get us a house deposit or a lot of overseas travel, but in the end we had the most amazing day and I wouldn’t change it for anything.  However we did pay for most of it ourselves (but my parents paid the venue deposit).  We also had our dream honeymoon (Marlborough, New Zealand wine tasting, then a week in Bora Bora) which wasn’t cheap either but we thought it was perfect πŸ™‚

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