(Closed) feelin bummed- mom just doesnt seem to care. vent

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
46451 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you told your mom how you feel?

Why not tell her that you were hoping she would be more involved and ask her if there is anything you can do to help her be more positive about your wedding?


Post # 4
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

That’s why the hive is here–to be excited with you! 🙂

Tbh, whenever I start to feel that way, I remind myself that the wedding is really only super important to two people: FH and me. For everyone else, it’s one day.

And if you need budget tips, I’m your gal…we’re throwing a 100-person wedding for under $1.5k. Hang in there!

Post # 5
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - Oxon Hill Manor

Hey! I know how you feel. My dad and stepmom totally rained on my parade when I first got engaged. My grandmother, who I am very close to, kind of did too! When I saw her after the weekend passed when my Fiance proposed, the first words she said to me were “slow down.” I was sooo offended!

Anyway, I still get frustrated (we’re a week out from one year ago that we got engaged) because it sometimes feels like nobody is excited as I am. I think for a lot of people, it doesn’t seem important right now, but as you get closer and closer to the date, they start to get involved and more excited.

Personally, I might ask to speak to your mom about it. I would ask her if there was any reason in particular she wasn’t interested in dress shopping with you. If she’s still not responsive, try turning to some good friends. Especially if your Fiance is not in the area.

You always have us here at the ‘bee to get excited! Show us pictures of your dress and vent to us when it feels nobody is listening. I swear the hive got me through the first few months! It’ll get better 🙂

Post # 6
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know exactly how you feel. My mom reacted with “Oh, that’s nice…do you want to talk to your sister?” when I called to tell her we were engaged, and it’s just gone downhill from there. It’s been passive-aggressive city. She is now not talking to me and wouldn’t talk to my fiance the last time she saw him, even though she adored him prior to getting engaged. And my mom wouldn’t go dress shopping with me either…I actually found my dress while shopping with my Future Mother-In-Law. And honestly, as bad as I feel about that, it was a very supportive and wonderful experience without negativity, which I doubt would have been the case had a I gone with my mother.

It is very, very difficult to not feel down about the whole thing when you don’t get the reaction you hope for and expect from your mom. I’ve just tried to keep thinking that at the end of the day, all that really matters is my fiance and I will be married. And his family is more than making up for the lack of excitement on my family’s side, so that helps a lot. But it definitely takes the excitement level associated with planning down a couple notches.

Hopefully your mom will come around as the planning progresses. Maybe she is just having trouble with the thought of “losing” her little girl. I know that’s a little bit of the problem with my mom, even though I’m 37. 😉 I would try to talk to her and find out why she is acting this way, and in the meantime surround yourself with people who are positive.

I’m sending hugs and support your way!

Post # 7
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m right there with you! Although, I’m getting it more from my Maid/Matron of Honor. She has actually told me that she hates weddings… She keeps saying “you have so much time! I can’t even think about your wedding yet!” (11 mos away)

However, like the PP’s, ultimately the wedding is so much more important to you & your Fiance than anyone else, and thats why we love WB so much! It’s a great outlet to share all of the wedding thoughts & excitment with other girls going through the same thing, without driving your family & friends nuts!

But I do sympathize! Chin up girlie!

Post # 8
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yep, I’m there with you too. My dad decided to rain on my parade the night of my engagement. He’s known for a very long time that I have planned to avoid the church as a place for our ceremony, after I told him that we were engaged the first words out of his mouth were, “will it be in a church?”- seriously…. My parents live so far, it’s hard to include them, they don’t seem all that interested anyway. My mom is just terrified to fly, so that is what she seems to be most concerned about, ugh. 

Thank goodness for good friends, understanding future in-laws and of course, the bee! 

Post # 9
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m right there with you. My Mom is the exact same. Has your Mom always had “ho hum” reactions to big events in your life? It’s so hard not to be disappointed when you expect a grand reaction from someone, and it’s as if they don’t even care at all. I honestly think that because my Mom hasnt done anything grand with her life (had 2 kids, no job for the past 20-some years and the one before I was born was as a cook, courthouse wedding), she is jealous that mine has gone places. It’s a pretty big stretch to say that she’s jealous of her own daughter but I truly & honestly believe it. And I’m not the only one who believes it either.

I havent bought my dress yet but I know which one it is. I sent her pictures of me in it and all she said was “where are your boobs?” =/ Because the dress has a corset tie up, it really sucks me in there lol. And, I used to have quite large boobies but since I’ve lost weight, they’ve shrunk big time. But, really. Come on, Mom. I wouldve liked a better reaction than that. We talked back and forth bout my boobs via FB private messaging for three messages and then I said “its gorgeous <3” hoping it would prompt her to agree but all she had to say was “ok, well I gotta go bye.” So annoying/disappointing. Thanks Mom! Yell

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