Post # 1
Hiya, my fiance and I are very much looking forward to planning our wedding for next year, but recently we’ve been very busy with work etc and as we are long distance it’s been getting us a bit down.
We had a bad argument last night out of frustration from not seeing each other and the same old routine of just talking a little bit then being too tired for any more in depth conversation. He was afraid we would split up over it because we were so annoyed. We managed to calm down and talk all night today which did help, but there’s something that bothers me.
When we’re upset or sad about not being together, arguing etc, I do always have an annoying little voice in the back of my head saying, you shouldn’t be worrying about your relationship or ever doubt that you’ll get through these times, do you really love him, tell him it’s over etc. But I can never say anything like that to him and I get so terrified of the idea that I don’t love him and it all falling apart. It’s so scary, but I hate thinking it when we have a bad patch.
When we’re happy and together, it doesn’t even cross my mind. But during arguments or feeling sad at the separation, it’s like there’s an little evil imp whispering all these doubts into me.
Has anyone else ever felt like this during arguments in a relationship, is it normal? We are quite unique in that he is my first proper serious partner, and I am his. First everything serious, come to think of it. Any stories or opinions would be welcome.
Thanks for reading such a loong post bees.
Post # 3
I’ve been married for over a year and 60% we are just happy and living life, 30% of the time we are stupid blissful newlyweds, 9% of the time he is annoying me and 1% of the time we are fighting or he is being a super Mr. Cranky Butt-head Pants. When that happens I still have the thought, “I don’t need to take this sh**. I’m out of here.”
Of course I would never leave him over such silly stuff, but I still have that thought. I’ve even heard of people happily married for decades that have that same thought. So don’t worry, it happens in the best of realtionships.
However, make sure to do a gut check. Are you sure this just normal frustration or is your gut trying to tell you something. Play a thought game and ask yourself, maybe I should leave him. What feelings does it bring up.
Post # 4
@KoiKove: Thank you for your post. Well, when you actually suggested I ask myself if my gut is trying to tell me something, I felt physically sick, I absolutely can’t stand the idea it’s telling me I don’t love him or he’s not the one for me. Even the idea is making my world fall apart. 🙁
Post # 5
Ended up phoning Fiance last night, and I told him everything I’ve been feeling. He said he gets it as well during arguments but just remembers all our good times to make it go away. He then told me to try and get some sleep but take all the soft toys he’d bought me into bed (aww). It helped and I even fell alseep holding a photo of him.
It helped so much to finally tell him everything I’d been feeling, and I do over-worry all the time and jump to the worst conclusion. I get so scared he’ll get fed up and leave me over my stupid obessional self questioning about everything- the thought of me dump-ling him (can’t even say it) or the other way round genuinely made me not want to live my life at all if he wasn’t in it.
I have been to counselling before to try and get myself happier and stable with life, and I still struggle with over-thinking and worrying. But I do need to keep working at it so it doesn’t destroy my relationship.
Post # 6
@Shychick: Your feelings are completely normal… Fiance and I had a long distance relationship for almost 18 months and it was so challenging, we were so exhausted most of the time we would just get snappy and not have the energy to have in depth conversations.
People underestimate how hard it is to continue a serious romantic relationship without the regular physical connection… Not just sex, all the other stuff. The hugs, the touches, the skin on skin contact. It actually strengthens the bond you have with your SO and without it it’s really challenging to convince your brain it’s in a relationship! It’s not releasing the right hormones (the bonding/I want to have your babies hormone that is… Biologically that’s what our bodies want us to do!)
You guys can make it. Just keep talking 🙂