(Closed) Feeling a Little Confused

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Honestly my SO and I were in the same position, we were both in college and its just my personality to have a big ring, its what I always wanted, but our finances couldnt afford that, we orginally wanted to just get a place holder with a cheaper stone until we could afford a diamond, but two years later and I dont think I could give up my ring, in the future, if we do upgrade I want the same setting and just replace the center stone, I have a white Sapphire, and honestly no one has ever even questioned if it was a diamond!

Post # 3
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

No one has ever asked if my stone was a diamond, and I’ve never felt the need to justify our choice. A few of my closest family members (who know how frugal I am) were a little surprised when they first saw my ring, and I happily reassured them that no – I haven’t been replaced by a big-honking-diamond-buying-pod-person. I had a blast reassuring them about our frugality and educating them on moissanite!

Post # 4
1583 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
LittleByLittle :  hee hee “pod-person”, hee hee, that is SO going to be my word for the rest of the week.

OP – do what you want, don’t worry.  Moissanite is so beautiful, you will love it.  If they are good friends, tell them all about Moissy so THEY can get some too!

If passing acquaintances, if they specifically ask you tell them (most won’t from what I understand from the bees here).

Sparkle on Sister!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
acorsaut :  I know exactly what you mean! My DH and I both make good money, too, and could have afforded a diamond – but a rock just isn’t something I wanted to splurge on. The setting was much more important to me, and we had it custom-designed.

If you’ve found a ring you love, go for it!

Post # 9
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Anyone who knows me is absolutely not surprised I went with moissanite (well, anything that will not cost what a diamond costs). I’ve travelled a lot and my (frivolous) financial priorities are plane tickets… If I got engaged with a 1ct diamond, anyone I know would have been like “How pissed off are you right now? You could have gone to Spain 8 times on that ring” Haha

I think I would have had to justify a diamond purchase, not a moissanite purchase. 

That’s just my experience. Literally nobody has said “Your diamond blahblahblah” or “How could you afford it?” Or anything like that. I’ve had a lot of “That is so sparkly!” And “Your ring looks big!” And “It’s beautiful!” But that’s it. Nothing negative, or questioning anything. 

I fell in love with a Noam Carver setting while we were ring browsing and I found a nearly exact replica of it on moissaniteco.com. They have a great selection! I am extremely happy with my moissanite and I wouldn’t have my ring any other way ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
1949 posts
Buzzing bee

No matter what you choose, someone will find something negative if they want to.  Too big, too small, too expensive, too cheap, too much color, not White enough, ugly setting, etc.  You gotta buy what you love.  Those who love you will just be happy for you and make you feel great about your ring.  

Post # 11
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This might be long so I apologize in advance!! I’m a former diamond snob… my parents were jewelers and I used to look down on CZ. I’ve been fortunate enough to own many diamonds and had quite a nice size 3 stone princess cut ring in my first marriage.

My husband (current – second marriage) and I looked into getting me the diamond I wanted, but we had a baby on the way (we were already engaged with a stand in ring) and I just couldn’t justify spending the money. He suggested CZ and I cringed. Then I thought long and hard about why I wanted a diamond and read the article in The Atlantic regarding the diamond industry. I realized that I’ve never truly had a connection to diamonds (no one in my family got diamond engagement rings, when you grow up around them they seem too common to some) and that never once had I looked down at my former rings and been in awe of them or the geological process. So I became a bit more open and found moissanite. I felt a much stronger connection with its origin story of having been discovered in a meteor. I was pretty damn excited about the concept, but then I let someone here on the bee influence my decision and ended up getting a 2ct moonstone, which I had also always thought would be cool and different. After about a year of having it I realized how much it mismatching my outfits bothered me and decided I wanted a clear stone. I went back to contemplating a diamond and even though we could afford it every time I think of dropping $7K on a ring I cannot help but think where else that money could go. So I went back to moissanite and had a jeweler make me a Tiffany style solitaire with a 7 mm Forever Brilliant, I was smitten with it and didn’t care what anyone thought, but since no one ever asked if it was real, and I never went around before saying “look at my diamond!” I kept it to myself mostly, not out of shame, it just never came up! I’m now upgrading my ring to a better quality moissanite, moissaniteco.com’s H&A cut 7.5 mm in another Tiffany style solitaire as I had some issues with my first ring. I’m keeping my upgrade quiet simply because I’m a bit jewelry obsessed and diamond or not some people would say mean stuff that I don’t care to hear, not their finger or finances not their business. It will be very similar to my current ring and no one will notice.

Now a days I am an equal opportunity sparkle lover. I adore my diamond eternity band and I’m hoping to love my new moissy too! 

I do not feel less than in any way. Everyone has different finances and different priorities. If you can’t afford a 2 ct diamond, but want to rock a 2 ct moissy, more power to you! If you hate “blood diamonds” that’s OK too. And if you’re like me and just choose not to spend the money that’s OK too. We are about to have our second child and at this rate and even though we are more successful each year, I think I will always find a better way to spend money than on a shiny rock. No hate, just not for me right now. 

If you think people will question your choice I’d make sure you’re comfortable with explaining moissy to people, but if you’re not then are you comfortable letting people make their assumptions?? So long as you are happy and content that’s all the matters. I don’t think anyone should care what someone else wears on their finger. I’ve seen some stuff on here recently that makes me cringe. Whether it be a 3 ct diamond or a sterling silver band everyone should wear what makes them happy ๐Ÿ™‚



Post # 12
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You don’t need to justify your choice to anyone! It’s your ring so it should be about what you want and you and your partner can afford!

I have a sapphire engagement ring. There are a lot of reasons I picked it but it’s really none of anyone else’s business why I didn’t go with a diamond. I don’t feel the need to explain my choice to anyone. If anyone asks (which happens occasionally) I just say I love sapphires and move on from the conversation.

Post # 13
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 Also wanted to add, don’t let any comments you see here on the bee to the affected of “If you don’t look like you can afford a 2 ct diamond then prepare to be questioned or have people talk behind your back” bother you.

Don’t ever judge what someone owns as a way to access their finances. Both of my SILs are millionaires, one self made, one trust fund baby. The self-made millionaire drives a 2000 Taurus and only shops for clothes at Good Will and will probably never own a diamond. The trust fund SIL wears  $3 tank tops, ripped jeans, old converse, loves camping, has 5 roommates and wears the family heirloom from my husband’s side, it’s over 1 ct, E, IF. I’m sure judgy b%tches have assumed her ring is fake while it’s worth more than most of her friend’s cars.

I also know what I call “brand whores” who are broker than a joke, have crappy credit, yet own a bunch of nice stuff.

Post # 14
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Do you love the ring you saw? Can you buy it with no/zero/zip debt?  If YES and YES…don’t beat yourself up. Whether or not the ring is a good value (i.e., worth the investment) is impossible to say without a lot more info (and I’d recommend you talk to the folks over on RockTalk PS board; if the diamond you saw is not GIA or AGL certified, then nothing about the certification is reliable, so you have not good basis to determine if it is a good deal). All that has no impact on if you love that ring and that setting.

Unless you are with people who know gems, I think the average person will be hard-pressed to know a diamond from a moissanite or amora gem — the extra fire/scintallation is the biggest tip-off. I think a white-sapphire looks different, as it sprakles more than has fire, but it is up to your eye. I had a heirloom diamond OEC. I lost it in a flood. I now have a Amora OEC until we can save the huge bucks to replace it. I love the Amora, but I like any gem that is well-cut for its own merits.

Was there a big price difference between diamonds and white sapphires? Did you consider moissanite for yours? 

Yes, there a big difference between diamonds, white sapphire and moisssanite — especially for anything over 0.75 carats. 

  • Diamond: Round, Excellent cut, GXXX, 2.0 c, $17170 usd (Whiteflash)
  • White Sapphire: Round, Excellent cut, 2.0 c equivalent, $1200-2000 usd (you can find them cheaper, but the cut may be bad)
  • C&C Moissanite: Round, 2.25 F1, $1669 usd (cut is hit and miss, you just have to look at a lot)
  • Amora Gem Soaring Hearts and Arrows: 2.25 equivaent, $2100 (estimated, they are hard to get a hold of, but I feel the cut on Amora is superior to C&C)

I just posted this video for another bee, but maybe it will help. Amora OEC (close to hand), White Sapphire and Pale Blue Moissy. Kinda apples and oranges due to cuts, but gives you a sense.

Indoor Indirect and Outdoor Indirect


Outdoor, Direct Light


Also, there is a lot misinformaton and marking around “Conflict free” and”Green Diamonds”. Unless you personally follow a diamond through every step from being found, sorted, sold, exported, brokered, cut, polished, shipped… there really are no guarantees. Kimberly-certification only certifies the mining and distribution of diamonds to avoid funds going into a particular kind of war (not all war or conflict). They do not stop the diamonds being mined in unsafe working conditions, using child labor, giving unfair pay, contributing to local conflict and ecological devastation. Much of the melee diamonds, diamonds and gemstones (including Kimberly certified) in the market today are cut by children in India…many under bonded labor (a form of slavery) working 16-20 hours a day. 


Post # 15
209 posts
Helper bee

Oh man, can I relate to this!  When we first decided to start looking at rings, I had an idea of the kind of setting that I wanted, but I spent hours thinking and obsessing over whether I was going to opt for a diamond, a colored gemstone or a moissanite.  I had this idea in my head that if we picked a gemstone or a moissanite, I was going to constantly have to answer a zillion questions as to why, or that I’d regret it, but that any diamond that fit into our budget was going to look tiny (for the record, they totally didn’t).  Long story short, he ended up finding out that his mom had an antique heirloom ring saved for him to give me, and although it was a bit different from what I would have picked out for myself, I loved it.  Then I started worrying that after he gave it to me, people would make remarks that the diamond was small, it wasn’t white gold, etc.  And that’s when I realized that no matter what I have, there’s a potential for someone to make a snarky comment or ask annoying questions about it.  So you know what?  As soon as he puts that thing on my finger, I am going to rock it, because the only people who are going to have to stare at it every day for the rest of their lives are going to be us!  

If you mostly care about the setting and not so much the stone, then I say splurge on the part that you want and save on the part that you don’t care so much about!  I don’t think you’ll regret it as long as you like the way the moissanite looks.  It’s totally not selling out if it’s what you want and you like it.  ๐Ÿ™‚

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