(Closed) feeling a little exasperated

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

How long have the two of you been together?

And do you think this is a delay tactic, or an I’m-not-sure-about-you tactic?

Post # 4
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I know just how you feel. Before my Darling Husband proposed, our co worker who pays about 1200 dollars a month in childsupport and only brings home about 1000 pay a month proposed to his Girlfriend before my Darling Husband and I was livid. 

I was like, how could they barely make ends meet but she means so much to him that he figured out a way to propose. I told my Darling Husband, you see when there is a will there is a way and I dropped it. A few months later he proposed. 🙂 

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope he pops the question soon and all this will feel like a dream. 

Post # 5
Member
35 posts
Newbee

Ok, I understand your concern perfectly well. And I understand he wants to get a job first and then make a lifetime commitment.  

There should be signs (before getting engaged) the relationship is going further: do you two talk about the future at all? Does he say he pictures himself with you? do you talk about things like where you want to settle, and where you see yourself a few years from now? 

If you guys have that, then you are on the right track. It’s only a matter of time and you should support him and wait. The longer you wait, the better it’s gonna taste later ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

 

********HUGS*************

Post # 6
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hugs!

Waiting is tough, but for a lot of guys it’s hard to even think about marriage unless they feel financially secure. Think of it in a good way: he’s waiting because he really values being able to take care of you and provide for you. It sounds old fashioned, but I know my Fiance has the same mentality. Maybe you can talk to him about getting a place holder ring and having a long engagement? That way you can be engaged now, but you won’t have all the big expenses of a ring/wedding until after his probation period.

Post # 9
Member
513 posts
Busy bee

@purpleginger:  

I am in the same process as your SO, applying for police jobs left and right. It has taken such an emotional toll on me that I’m taking a break from it to get my life back. You have to understand the nature of policing. The stress your relationship is under right now? This is nothing compared to what you two will go through in the next 25 years. Get used to it. My Fiance is a veteran cop and there’s always something. If it isn’t the job itself and the horrible things you see, it’s the administration. And the field training (probationary) period is extremely stressful. It is NOT like the “majority of other jobs.” Your bf will be under extreme pressure to prove himself and do everything by the book. If he gets cut, guess what? He’s going to have a heck of a time getting another job. My bf and I have had to put wedding plans on the back burner because we might have to buy a house where I get hired instead of have a wedding. I’m going through personal hell every time one of these jobs doesn’t pan out, and I imagine your bf is feeling it too. The last thing he needs is his best support system (read: you) pressuring him.

Read the book “I Love a Cop.”

Post # 10
Member
513 posts
Busy bee

@purpleginger:  

I am in the same process as your SO, applying for police jobs left and right. It has taken such an emotional toll on me that I’m taking a break from it to get my life back. You have to understand the nature of policing. The stress your relationship is under right now? This is nothing compared to what you two will go through in the next 25 years. Get used to it. My Fiance is a veteran cop and there’s always something. If it isn’t the job itself and the horrible things you see, it’s the administration. And the field training (probationary) period is extremely stressful. It is NOT like the “majority of other jobs.” Your bf will be under extreme pressure to prove himself and do everything by the book. If he gets cut, guess what? He’s going to have a heck of a time getting another job. My bf and I have had to put wedding plans on the back burner because we might have to buy a house where I get hired instead of have a wedding. I’m going through personal hell every time one of these jobs doesn’t pan out, and I imagine your bf is feeling it too. The last thing he needs is his best support system (read: you) pressuring him.

Read the book “I Love a Cop.”

Post # 12
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

regarding your neighbor, keep reminding yourself that it is not a competition! it is not a competition! it is not a competition! everyone moves at their own pace.

Post # 13
Member
26 posts
Newbee

You aren’t being selfish at all, waiting another 2 years sounds frustrating. I can kind of relate as my bf is applying for jobs in a very competitive field and has already been applying for a long time with no joy. I know he wont propose without a stable income so the job situation can feel like such an obstacle at times. Who knows though, maybe its just as frustrating for them as it is for us!

Post # 14
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I understand completely. I’ve been with my SO for almost 2 years and have 4 and a half years left in the timeline he gave me. I sometimes silently curse his finance degree. How dare he be cautious with his money causing me to wait longer! And even though he is making enough money to live off of and still grow his principle I know I won’t be getting a proposal until he gets a stable job.(If I’m lucky) He has been unemployed for about 4 months now with no good prospects in sight. So… you are not alone.

I also get the ‘my parents made it happen’ perspective. My dad proposed at month 4 (because that presents a lot of time to save right?) while stationed in Germany without having ever meet my mother’s family. She was the best thing he ever had and knew it. Then SO’s parents got engaged on their 10th date. He just knew she was it. (Both sets of parents are now approaching 35 years together.)

But I’m pretty sure it boils down to this. Our SOs want nothing more than to be able to provide a good life for us. And I think on some level they feel like if they can’t provide a certain standard of living they don’t deserve to have us.

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