Post # 1
I got married over a year ago and had a relatively small wedding (100 people) where number attending became a huge issue (due to space and financial restraints). My husband has lots more family and friends than me, and I was happy to let his guests occupy way over half the guest list. I was completely happy at the time, and have continued to be for most of the last year.
Since he’s an extrovert and I’m not, I adopted a lot of his friends when we first got together, many years ago, and slowly became detached from my friends as we moved away and started our own life together (as I expect is a mostly natural part of growing up and moving away). Ultimately, I invited only a few close university friends and no friends from the town that I moved away from in high-school. I invited only those I had spoken to or corresponded with in the last three years.
Recently, I attended a wedding where several of my other friends from university (less close ones, not invited to our wedding) were also there. I felt awkward and uncomfortable about not having included them in our wedding, especially since the bride was no closer to them than I had been. I also recently received a birthday message and short letter from my childhood bestfriend (who I’ve seen in person once in 10 years, and with whom I have not actually been friends in about 15 years) who never forgets my birthday.
Did I make a mistake in not inviting these people? I almost never think of it, but I’m extra sentimental today because of birthday things and also having a really rough week. Am I crazy or cruel for not including them? Rationally, I remember that I did invite my current friends to my wedding, and that these people haven’t been friends in years but… I guess I’m irrational right now? Blah.
Post # 2
anonybee0810: HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🙂
I’m the same way sometimes and I know how you feel, but when you planned your wedding you invited the people that you felt were the most important to you at that time. There are people that I wish we could have invited but we didn’t have space. I recently graduated from a specialized uni. program, there were only about 50 people in my class and we spent 4 years together, classes every day. Only 4 of them ‘made the cut’. One who wasn’t invited I see quite regularly for work, I see several others frequently as well.
There are weddings that Darling Husband and I have been excluded from and I wondered why, now having planned one, I get it. No one will hold it against you – and if they do, they’re probably not really worth having as friends anyway 😉
Post # 3
MsGinkgo: Thanks 😀
Yeah, you’re right about all the things. I guess it wouldn’t be a birthday if I didn’t get irrationally sentimental about something I’m completely helpless to fix/solve. I mean, I wouldn’t change anything about my wedding but every once in awhile I can hear my mother’s voice (from the times we would discuss the guest list, not recently) asking why I didn’t invite this or that friend (again, all of whom I haven’t spoken to in 10+ years). It’s hard to forget some days.
Post # 4
anonybee0810: for sure – there are people i haven’t seen or spoke to (outside facebook) since the mid-90s but every now and then I think ‘I wish we’d invited xxx’ Just remember how amazing your wedding was.
Maybe send this friend back a nice letter as a thank you – reconnect a little. Maybe it’ll hep you connect back to your old friends.
Post # 5
IMO neither you nor your friend who invited these older friends is more right or wrong than the other. While I am a big believer in inviting everyone who should be invited to a wedding, in other words, not limiting the numbers in order to do a more flashy affair, I also think it’s perfectly reasonable to draw the line to the friends you are close to today.
Sometimes people do use wedding invitations in order to reconnect to old friends, though and there is nothing wrong with that, either.
Post # 6
anonybee0810: I would think it was weird if I was invited to the wedding of someone I hadn’t spoken to in 3 years or more. So I think you were perfectly rational in making your guest list. Is it possible your feelings are less about the friends not being at your wedding, and more about them not being in your life at all? Maybe you’re starting to miss them and/or seeing them at the other friend’s wedding stirred up some emotions. If you miss the friends, there’s nothing wrong with dropping them a line (call, text, fb, however your group keeps in touch). But if you’re happy with your current friends and were truly just looking for reassurance that you did nothing wrong, I can assure you — you did nothing wrong. 🙂
Post # 7
anonybee0810: At the time you did what you thought was right and who you felt comfortable inviting. I too often think that maybe I should have invited a friend from years ago who was my best friend then, but I hadan’t seen in person for a very long time. There was also another friend who I thought about inviting as we used to be very close, but then she didn’t invite me to her wedding a couple of years ago either, so she possibly could have thought it was weird if I invited her!! I also invited some work collegues who I was close to at the time, but now I have moved to a different floor at work and haven’t even seen a couple since the wedding 9 months ago – I kind of wish I hadn’t invited them!!