Post # 1
Bees, I’m posting anon but a long time user. I’m feeling pretty down in the dumps on myself and hoping some of you share similar stories. I have a wild past I’m not too proud of. It’s something dh and I just never discussed. He knows I was wild but to the extent of, definitely not.
I had a girls night recently with a few girls that knew him in college and talked about how mild he was and they couldnt even count a single girl he hooked up with. We have never discussed sexual partners as I feel this question is so unnecessary but I know he has had 3 relationships for sure prior to me. Me however, I have only had one and for like a good 10 years I was WILD… like probably 30 or so guys wild. I had a 2 year on and off again relationship and he cheated on me at age 21 which put me in a tailspin. I met Darling Husband at 27 and knew he was the one. We have been together 8 years now, married 5.
Anyways, I drug myself out of my slump and became a RN and my husband is successful. We have a great life and two sweet babies but why am I feeling guilt about this? Do your husbands know the nitty gritty details from your past? Do any of you have similar numbers? I tried to stalk the boards and couldn’t find anyone similar. I’m assuming we arent the only couple that doesn’t discuss those things. I don’t even discuss these things with close friends…. which is why I’m posting here lol
Post # 2
Everyone has a past. There’s no reason to feel less than because yours is different than your husband’s. You don’t need to feel guilty.
Post # 3
Your past is what made you the woman he fell in love with. There’s no need to feel guilty. It’s not like you killed someone.
Post # 4
hikingbride : I guess it is because I knew he was a good boy but I guess I didnt realize he was such a saint! Lol I mean I made some immature choices but I never hurt anyone except myself I guess so I know I shouldn’t feel guilty but I wish I would have lived a more calm teen and early 20’s lifestyle.
Post # 5
I guess I just don’t understand why you feel “less than” because you slept with more people. Is there really a difference sleeping with one person 100 times vs sleeping with 100 people once?
I also don’t really see how being in a few long term relationship makes him a “good boy” or a saint, that comes across quite patronising.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
I am sure you are feeling this way because you just had the girls night out and you guys were talking about how “goody goody” he was. Listen we all have done stuff in the past that we want to keep there. My fiance dosen’t know everything that I have done nor do I know everything that he has done. It’s in the past for a reason. Don’t sweat it Bee, your a good person with a past, so what. We don’t post about it because it’s the past, we focus on the future. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Post # 7
I mean, another way of looking at it is that YOU got some experience in life and you were willing to put up with this untested Newb who was a goody goody and, in all your generosity, you were willing to take him on and train him in the art of pleasure. Also, those women might have been telling you those stories to make you feel like your guy is a good catch. It’s also entirely possible that he had his own wild experiences but was really good at keeping them hidden.
There are many different perspectives to have. Your body belongs to you and your choices are your own. You made them. You survived them. You do not have anything to be ashamed of. I would imagine that you are able to be a much more compassionate person toward others who experience a heartbreak that leads them off the deep end for a bit. And that’s a valuable capacity to have. Don’t demean yourself for how you acquired it.
Be kinder to yourself. Maybe read up on the history of some great female lovers and leaders.
Post # 8
zzar45 : I meant that as in my friends and I started drinking and partying with seniors as freshman in highschool where he didnt take a sip of alcohol until he was out of highschool. Making stupid comparisons because I was much more ‘crazy’ than he was lol
Post # 9
TwilightRarity : he certainly never seemed inexperienced to me so perhaps he does have a wild phase I have no idea about. And he is a good catch, honestly I’m a good catch so I guess even good catches can have a wild phase. It’s funny that I was so wild and now I’m so closed off about that part of my life that I find it hard to discuss. I look back at who that person was and am thankful for who she became. I did learn so much.
Post # 10
anon1 : No way you’re alone, Bee! From what I gather, fiancé had a wild past, and I had my fair share of relationships too. Neither of us carry any shame—why would we? We never discuss it, so neither of us knows each other’s exact numbers. Like you said, it’s so unnecessary. Just think of it like this: if you hadn’t followed the path you chose, it wouldn’t have led you to your hubby. All things happen for a reason.
Post # 11
Who you were yesterday is not who you are today! We all have a past, mine was rowdy too but I’m a different person now and I don’t think I could be the person I am today without going through all those crazy irresponsible times before
Post # 12
Not sleeping with many people doesn’t make him a saint thats a really silly notion.
You know what makes you a good person? Being kind. Helping others. Not hurting people intentionally. Being caring and loving and not doing shit like screwing someone elses partner..
Sleeping with minimal people has nothing to do with that..I know someone who only slept with their SO and shes a nasty person in every which way..
What difference if you slept with 1 or 100? You were a single woman who the f*ck cares what you did vs him.. This is 2019 and finally were in a time where we women can actually have sex and not get shamed for it
Stop worrying about this crap… past is in the past and doesn’t matter and certainly does not make you less than
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
anon1 : Awe bee, I totally understand the inappropriate guilt you’re feeling. I call it ‘inappropriate’ because it’s coming from an insecure place rather than a rational place. I feel the same way too sometimes. I had a super sheltered childhood and had a VERY wild early 20’s. My number is definitely over 30 and my wild phase only last 3-4 years, so you’re certainly not the most wild child ever. My Fiance, while not a goody goody by any stretch, certainly didn’t have the same wild phase I did. Sometimes I feel ‘less than’ or like ‘damaged goods’ because of it, but that’s just my insecurity talking. I learned SO much from those times, I pulled myself out a a pit and turned myself into the kick-ass woman I am now. Would I take back some of my shitty decisions so I wouldnt have hurt myself so much? Of course, but I may not be the me I am today if I did!
Fiance and I haven’t talked in depth about our wild phases because it really doesnt matter all that much. We talked about why we did the things we did during that time and what we learned from it. But my past is mine and if I want to share that with someone else, I can but I certainly don’t owe it to anyone, even my spouse!
Post # 14
I was a good girl before my first marriage – my ex was the first (and that point, only) person I slept with. After our divorce, I played the field quite a bit. I have no shame about it. I learned a lot about who I am sexually, what I like, and what I don’t. Honestly, I wish I hadn’t been such a good girl before my first marriage, bc I would’ve made different choices – like not marrying my ex.
Now-DH and I have never talked numbers, but we both know mine is higher than his. It’s not an issue for him. He likes that I am confident in bedroom and that I had a chance to sow my wild oats. I don’t have any concerns that I’m missing out someone who is a better match bc I’ve played the field – I know what’s out there and I got the man who is best for me (in and out of the bedroom).
Post # 15
I had a wild term at uni and racked up my numbers. I met my husband at uni and while we did discuss numbers in the early days we didn’t talk details. As far as we’re both concerned what happend before we met is none of the others business.
i know he had only 1 serious girlfriend before me and I don’t think he hooked up with anyone (a snog here or there but nothing more)
we’ve been togther 15 years now so there is no need to discuss ancient history any more