Feeling a little 'less than'….

posted 5 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
9609 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Everyone has a past. There’s no reason to feel less than because yours is different than your husband’s. You don’t need to feel guilty.

Post # 3
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Your past is what made you the woman he fell in love with. There’s no need to feel guilty. It’s not like you killed someone. 

Post # 5
Member
5356 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I guess I just don’t understand why you feel “less than” because you slept with more people. Is there really a difference sleeping with one person 100 times vs sleeping with 100 people once? 

I also don’t really see how being in a few long term relationship makes him a “good boy” or a saint, that comes across quite patronising.

Post # 6
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I am sure you are feeling this way because you just had the girls night out and you guys were talking about how “goody goody” he was. Listen we all have done stuff in the past that we want to keep there. My fiance dosen’t know everything that I have done nor do I know everything that he has done. It’s in the past for a reason. Don’t sweat it Bee, your a good person  with a past, so what. We don’t post about it because it’s the past, we focus on the future. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Post # 7
Member
6092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I mean, another way of looking at it is that YOU got some experience in life and you were willing to put up with this untested Newb who was a goody goody and, in all your generosity, you were willing to take him on and train him in the art of pleasure. Also, those women might have been telling you those stories to make you feel like your guy is a good catch. It’s also entirely possible that he had his own wild experiences but was really good at keeping them hidden.

There are many different perspectives to have. Your body belongs to you and your choices are your own. You made them. You survived them. You do not have anything to be ashamed of. I would imagine that you are able to be a much more compassionate person toward others who experience a heartbreak that leads them off the deep end for a bit. And that’s a valuable capacity to have. Don’t demean yourself for how you acquired it.

Be kinder to yourself. Maybe read up on the history of some great female lovers and leaders.

Post # 10
Member
800 posts
Busy bee

anon1 :  No way you’re alone, Bee! From what I gather, fiancé had a wild past, and I had my fair share of relationships too. Neither of us carry any shame—why would we? We never discuss it, so neither of us knows each other’s exact numbers. Like you said, it’s so unnecessary. Just think of it like this: if you hadn’t followed the path you chose, it wouldn’t have led you to your hubby. All things happen for a reason. 

Post # 11
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Who you were yesterday is not who you are today! We all have a past, mine was rowdy too but I’m a different person now and I don’t think I could be the person I am today without going through all those crazy irresponsible times before

Post # 12
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

Not sleeping with many people doesn’t make him a saint thats a really silly notion.

You know what makes you a good person? Being kind. Helping others. Not hurting people intentionally. Being caring and loving and not doing shit like screwing someone elses partner..

Sleeping with minimal people has nothing to do with that..I know someone who only slept with their SO and shes a nasty person in every which way..

What difference if you slept with 1 or 100? You were a single woman who the f*ck cares what you did vs him.. This is 2019 and finally were in a time where we women can actually have sex and not get shamed for it

Stop worrying about this crap… past is in the past and doesn’t matter and certainly does not make you less than

Post # 13
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

anon1 :  Awe bee, I totally understand the inappropriate guilt you’re feeling. I call it ‘inappropriate’ because it’s coming from an insecure place rather than a rational place. I feel the same way too sometimes. I had a super sheltered childhood and had a VERY wild early 20’s. My number is definitely over 30 and my wild phase only last 3-4 years, so you’re certainly not the most wild child ever. My Fiance, while not a goody goody by any stretch, certainly didn’t have the same wild phase I did. Sometimes I feel ‘less than’ or like ‘damaged goods’ because of it, but that’s just my insecurity talking. I learned SO much from those times, I pulled myself out a a pit and turned myself into the kick-ass woman I am now. Would I take back some of my shitty decisions so I wouldnt have hurt myself so much? Of course, but I may not be the me I am today if I did!

Fiance and I haven’t talked in depth about our wild phases because it really doesnt matter all that much. We talked about why we did the things we did during that time and what we learned from it. But my past is mine and if I want to share that with someone else, I can but I certainly don’t owe it to anyone, even my spouse! 

 

Post # 14
Member
920 posts
Busy bee

I was a good girl before my first marriage – my ex was the first (and that point, only) person I slept with. After our divorce, I played the field quite a bit. I have no shame about it. I learned a lot about who I am sexually, what I like, and what I don’t. Honestly, I wish I hadn’t been such a good girl before my first marriage, bc I would’ve made different choices – like not marrying my ex. 

Now-DH and I have never talked numbers, but we both know mine is higher than his. It’s not an issue for him. He likes that I am confident in bedroom and that I had a chance to sow my wild oats. I don’t have any concerns that I’m missing out someone who is a better match bc I’ve played the field – I know what’s out there and I got the man who is best for me (in and out of the bedroom).

Post # 15
Member
2754 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had a wild term at uni and racked up my numbers. I met my husband at uni and while we did discuss numbers in the early days we didn’t talk details. As far as we’re both concerned what happend before we met is none of the others business.

i know he had only 1 serious girlfriend before me and I don’t think he hooked up with anyone (a snog here or there but nothing more) 

 

we’ve been togther 15 years now so there is no need to discuss ancient history any more 

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