(Closed) Feeling a little put off…(vent)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

She decided you guys were going to throw her a surprise party?  How does that work?  Also, when you say “weekend bachelorette party,” do you mean she actually wants to go somewhere, get a hotel for a couple of days, go out each day, etc.?

If it were me, I’d probably be tempted to “reassess” my finances and tell her it’s looking like I won’t be able to afford her plans either.  If her bachelorette weekend is nearby, I wonder if you could tell her you’ll be able to show up for drinks one night but won’t be able to go in on a hotel room – see how she reacts to that.

Her attitude is really unreasonable and entitled.  How much could it possibly cost her to show up with a bottle of liquor and a bag of chips for a sleepover at your place?  And I don’t really think lack of funds are a valid reason to not show up to a shower at all if you’re a bridesmaid – if you can’t afford to contribute as much to the shower planning as the other BM’s, you can always just offer to show up early and help decorate (unless there is travel involved, in which case I can understand the expense).  But I would never skip a friend’s shower altogether just citing lack of funds.  If I were living on ramen noodles and frozen burritos due to finances, I’d still show up, give her a card, and spend some time with her.

Post # 18
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would just tell her you probably won’t have the cash for her parties as well. It’s only fair. I hate people that only put themselves first like that.

Post # 20
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Really? How expensive is a sleepover?! My goodness.

Post # 21
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

View original reply
@PinkPandaBear:  I wouldn’t wait to sound them out.  If the other BMs are set on following orders to the letter, better to let your co-hosts know now that you simply can’t afford to bankroll the sorts of celebrations the Princess Bride is demanding.

If, on the other hand, the other ladies are similarly disgruntled, they’ll love you forever for suggesting that, as a group, you plan something more affordable for all involved.

Post # 22
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think I’d run from this one 300 for a dress??  return it get your money back and run!!!

If you do stick around plan a real suprise shower, somewhere super duper cheap.  I bet she’d be surprised.

Post # 24
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I can’t STAND when people pull crap like this!  I’m sorry if this advice comes off as immature, tit-for-tat, etc. but, bottomline, I would tell her that I will not be attending her “surprise” shower or bachelorette party because technically all a bridesmaid needs to do is show up on the day of the wedding.  Oh, and I would mention that you couldn’t afford all of her events either. 

Post # 25
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@PinkPandaBear: Ewww (in response to your last post…lol).  I want to edit my first response to add that you should RUN, RUN, RUN as fast as you can away from this wedding.  She sounds like the type of bride to regift you a gift from her “surprise” shower that she doesn’t like.  It’s unfair of her to expect XYZ and not even give you A.

Post # 27
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

She has a LOT of nerve! She can’t afford to a attend a sleepover, but is dictating what kind of elaborate celebrations should be held in her honor?! Ugh.

Post # 28
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

“A little put off?” You must be a saint! I’d be pissed if I were you! 🙁 I agree that you shouldn’t be obligated to spend a ton of money on her. Throw her a shower with homemade decorations and decent appetizers and ignore her demands. You don’t get to demand what your shower will be like! 

I’m so sorry, though, that she’s being such a crappy friend to you :(. Hopefully your other BMs are a little kinder.

Post # 29
7365 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’d call her out on her bullshit. The utter gall to say that to you. She is acting like an entitled little bitch.

Post # 30
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Uh, wow. That is just horrible! I would totally say something. 

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