Post # 1
My boyfriend and I are in a very healthy and loving relationship. We’ve met each other’s families and his parents adore me and needless to say my parents love him. We’ve talked about getting married one day and settling down and I really do see myself with him for the long haul. Up until recently I thought everyone in his immediate family was cool with me. I don’t play any games and from the get-go I made sure I establish a good rapport from the people who took a big role in raising him all these years. However recently my boyfriend told me that his older sister (7 years older than him) and her husband have told him that he Should be careful about ‘peoples’ intentions towards him and that not everyone can be trusted. We both are in a long distance relationship and as you can imagine the distance is already hard enough without having people whisper words of doubt into his ears when I’m not around. He told me he didn’t take it seriously and that he was upset with them for mentioning that to him. So I decided to add his sister on Facebook and maybe start talking to her more. Well, that came to a dead end when she rejected my friend request…now I’m going there next week to celebrate his birthday with his family and while I really want to be there for him, I’m scared his sister and brother in law are going to be focused on my every move to find out more reasons as to why he shouldn’t be with me. In any case, I want to be there for him and will do my best to not show him that I have so much insecurity as a result of his sister and in law but I just don’t know who to talk to. My parents are not easy to talk to in terms of relationships and unfortunately my friend circle is not very helpful for giving mature advice. Maybe I can get some of your insights?
Post # 2
How old are you both? She is seven years older, maybe she thinks you are too young to be too serious? For some reason she has not taken to you, is not reciprocative to your attempts at friendship, which either means she doesnt think you are long-term, or she’s acting already to plant a doubt in his mind about you and keep you short-term. How close are they and does he seem to regard her opinion highly?
If your relationship is solid, I wouldnt worry too much, as she may just be a concerned sister looking out for her sibling. I would get a nice gift and try to be pleasant. I’d also be a little wary about her though.
Post # 3
tsiv23 : How old are you and how long have you been together? How many times have you met her? She might just be an overprotective sister.
I’d definitely go to the birthday party and kill her with kindness.
Post # 4
Not everyone is going to like you, and you won’t be able to make every individual who dislikes you come around.
If you try to force interaction between yourself and this woman, you will make yourself look insecure, attention-seeking, and maybe even like he really should be cautious because you’re behaving in an irritating and possibly strange way.
This woman doesn’t need to talk to you and she doesn’t need to be your friend. Likewise, you don’t need to prove yourself to her. You’re not in a relationship with her, and his parents — the people who matter the most of those involved in raising him — approve of you and like you.
If you want to demonstrate to her that you’re not a danger or a threat of some sort — which you don’t need to do — think long-term: be the decent person you are, and treat your boyfriend with respect, and over time it’ll be clear that you’re not up to anything. Be you. That’s it. That’s all you can do, it’s all you need to do, and that’s really all you should do. This doesn’t mean she’ll like you, that she’ll want to be friends with you, or that she’ll think he doesn’t need to be cautious, but you’ll have demonstrated to her and everyone around what kind of person you are. There’s nothing more to do; you can’t force people to change their opinions or see you how you want to be seen.