- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
So, I’m starting to feel a little strung along. Idk if this is just a “stage of waiting” I’m going through, or if this is legit.
Originally my SO was really receptive when I brought up the idea of marraige. I won’t get into it too much as I already have in past posts, but he hadn’t realized it was important to me, and when I told him it was he said he would just need some time to adjust to that idea, and we’d be good.
We had some good conversations about it, one where he said something eluding to me being engaged by the end of this year, and another where he told me intended to BE married by “this time in 2013”. That particular conversation was in April, at which point I told him that I really had my heart set on a Setptember or October wedding and then jokingly said “so if we’re going to be engaged for at least a year like you planned you better get moving”. He was totally OK with all of this banter.
This weekend we were away for a family reunion. Our 4 year aniversary also passed while we were away. My birthday had been the weekend before, and my mother had made mention earlier how great it would be if we could celebrate our engagement while we were away because she felt super confident that all the signs point toward engaged by then. I was skeptical, but had my hopes up despite my best efforts not to. So, after a day or two of hanging out with all of my married and engaged cousins and sisters (we are seriously the ONLY not married or engaged couple) and after our aniversary day went by and he full on forgot, I kind of got upset. I quietly had a conversation with him in our room one night after dinner.
He told me the he didn’t think that we’re financially sound enough to be engaged. It was a little bit like a slap in the face. To be fair, he had brought this up a few months back, but at the time we had worked out a prospective budget, and even opened a saving account. We had decided to put together 12,000 in funds and shoot for a 10,000 budget so that we’d have a 2,000 cushion incase we go over or have some money toward a honeymoon if we don’t. I thought it was smart financial planning, but now he’s saying A: that seems urealisticly low for a wedding (I disagree if you plan correctly) and B: that since we own a house he doesn’t know how we’re going to even swing that amount.
Alright, I understand being financially conservative, but we’re paying all og our bills, and some months we save, some months we’re just keeping our heads above. The months we’re just above ground the “wedding fund” falls by the way side. I get priorities. The house comes first. I’m not crazy. However, I told him that if we wait to be engaged till we’re contsistently ahead every month, we’ll be waiting forever. There’s always going to be something. A broken washer, a garage door, an airconditioner part, etc. The only thing we can do is go for it and see what happens.
We’ve put aside 2,500 dollars in the passed year alone, and have another 5,000 from my parents. We’re more than halfway there. We won’t know till we’re engaged and talking to them if his family plans to contribute anything, and at that point if they don’t (i know them well and it’s increddibly likely that they will) we can always have a longer engagement then we had anticipated to save. These are things we have discussed. Previously when we discussed this he was on board. Now he is dismissive. He said “We can’t loose our house for a wedding.” We have never been in danger of loosing our house, and putting aside 50 here 100 there over a year or two isn’t going to break us.
I told him, “if you aren’t ready you need to talk to me about that,” and he just pushed it onto financial hardships that for me don’t really seem legit. Whenever I’d troubleshoot the issues he’d present, he’d kind of shrug and say something about thinking that didn’t seem realistic and thinking that I didn’t know what weddings cost (hello, I work in the industry. I know it’s a meager budget, but I also know how to cut corners!!).
I’m just starting to feel like he’s realizing that he made promises that he doesn’t want to live up to, and instead of stepping up and telling me the truth he’s trying to blame it on things that are “outside of his controll”. Does that seem feesible, or am I turning it into something that it isn’t because of waiting crazies? lol.