- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
A few months ago, (before my engagement) my mother asked me not to get married soon. My guess is that she that she thought I would end up unhappy with my then boyfriend, because he comes from a different family background than I do.
She is somewhat but not totally unhappy in her marriage to my father, and she refuses to go to any type of therapy to work through it. I really think this affects how she percieves my relationship in general. She hates my fiance’s tattoos so much that it isn’t enough for her that he is an honest, respectful, responsible, loving, and passionate person. She grew up in a privileged household that valued social status over good family connection. Unfortunately, this is where her prejudices stem from.
I told my mother that I would try to take her advice with open ears, and try to objectively assess my relationship. I really believe that I have a stable, healthy, and loving relationship. Her advice just seems like it would be better for her than for me.
My parents and I live in different states, and my finance lives in yet another state (in which I plan to move to after I graduate/become a Dr.) My parents have met my finace multiple times over the past couple of years.
Anyways, 2 months later, my then boyfriend proposed to me! I was so happy and so so surprised! He did an amazing job, and I’m so in love. It was not my plan to go against my mother’s wishes, but I didn’t want to turn down the proposal I have been dreaming about just because she wishes I would have a finace with a six figure job and sperrys.
Regardless, I called my mother first out of respect, even though I was really uncomfortable with how she might react. She gave me the oh- wow- i- guess- thats- really- something routine because she was in shock. My dad did a little bit better, but he too was not ready to deal with it or ready to deal with my mother. I stayed positive and loving. I called the next day, and my father was going on and on about how boring everything is at home and how there is nothing going on. I told him I was engaged, and he laughed made a joke. Two days later I talked to both my parents, and my mom asked “how was work?” I said that everyone was realyl nice and congratulating me. My dad asked why, and I said, “because I got engaged.” I could feel my mother’s coldness through the phone. Then my dad quickly changed the subject to his work.