(Closed) Feeling Alone- mom and dad pretend engagement didn't happen

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@WhiteViolet:  Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you think your parents will come around eventually?

Post # 4
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

oh hun, i want to reach out to you and tell you you’re not alone, even though i know just how alone you feel. i’m going through something similar (in some ways a little worse possibly) and understand how awful it is. the whole social status thing is a factor for my situation as well (plus being an interracial/multicultural couple). my only advice to you is to stay strong with your fiance, to support each other and to not let your parents’ voices poison what you have with him (not to say you shouldn’t listen to them or converse with them in a mature manner). please don’t hesitate to PM me if you need to chat. xx

Post # 5
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sorry your dissappointed with their reaction. I don’t think you mom’s concern towards you getting married is based on how her marriage is currently. May I ask how young are you? since she said don’t get married young.

Also maybe you’re not traditional but it would’ve been nice if your Fiance asked your dad for your hand in marriage, just out of respect. Not sure if people do that now a days. There must be a reason why your dad is not excited for you. Did you ask?  

Maybe give it time, your parents will come around and accept it.

Post # 6
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Oh *HUGS*

 

First CONGRADULATIONS on ur engagement! 

Sorry to hear about your parents. The main thing is that you and your Fiance are happy! 

 

I hope they come around!

 

Post # 7
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I can totally relate- I have the exact identical fears with my parents. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. Would talking to them help anything? I plan on having a heart to heart with my parents should this happen. *Hugs*

Post # 8
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@WhiteViolet:  

So, just one quick story. I dated a guy my parents HATED. When we got engaged, neither of my parents were happy. I was heartbroken! I told them they were middle-class and were prejudiced against his working-class family. I told them that I loved the emotional closeness of his family that I didn’t see in mine!

So I moved in with him. We were so in love! Except that  he hated my parents. But they were awful to him! So he was right! But then he hated my friends! But they were middle-class and thought they were better than him! So he was right!

Then, one night, he got a little rough with me. But it was fine! He was so kind, and generous, and loved his family! Then he got rougher. And it just got worse and worse. He threatened to sue me for everything if I ever left him (I gave him cash for house purchases, and we would put them on his card). He told me that no one else would ever love me like he did. And I believed him.

Then, two days before Christmas, I visited my family (alone). I was so convinced we were so in love! I was so happy! Except that EVERYONE in my life  had made some comment to the effect of “You just don’t look happy. Not like you used to.”

And they were right. I was getting abused at home, I was working full-time at night and giving him almost all of my money.

To this day, I still don’t know when or how it got that bad. Everything was perfect for over a year! And within six months, I was getting thrown around and told I was unloveable.

But now I trust my parent’s opinions. Fiance met them after a month of dating, and if they had hated him, I don’t think we’d be together! (PS- They loved him. My Dad offered to find him a ring if he ever wanted to propose!)

Post # 9
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m one of those that takes parents opinion to heart, so it wouldnt’ sit well with me if they didn’t fully approve. Talk to them. Let them know you feel, find out whats bothering them.

Post # 10
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

Although I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying a guy who comes from a lower income bracket tham yourself and if this is the only issue your parents have, it is definitely something you will just have to stay strong about, from the way they are acting, are you sure there isn’t something else about him/the situation that is causing them to act that way? Is there any even partially valid reason why they might be worried?

I guess because when it’s just empty snobbery, it’s usually pretty blatent rudeness, and your parents seem like they are trying to deal with a “something”….an elephant in the room… more delicately, which sounds more like a real issue and real concern for your true wellbeing, and not just “you can’t marry that poo’ boy or yer outta the will, ya hear?!”

Then again, it might just be snobbery, which sucks, but sigh. What can you do? You just have to be patient and hope they come around, and not let them be rude to your Fiance in the meanwhile. My parents are somewhat of a letdown to me too… so I don’t just preach daughterly patience, I live it. 🙁

Post # 11
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Congrats on your engagement! I sincerely hope your parents will come around. I couldn’t imagine my mom not being really excited for me. His parents are another story, hopefully they will be happy too!! Maybe if you guys decide to do counseling together before the wedding your parents will see that you are serious about have a healthy relationship. good luck!

Post # 12
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@WhiteViolet:  No one except my aunt made a huge deal about my engagement. Well my bio dad became irate and hung up on me but in terms of positive stuff.

Are you an only child? Or the only daughter? Parents sometimes take a while to absorb this stuff. I realized it’s not about me only making this transition, even though it should be about us! 🙂 It took my parents a while to be excited even though they love Fiance.

I’m really sorry. You are not alone. WB is here for ya!! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@HappyBride827:  i’m with you. i know it isnt always the case, but generally if your parents are the good non-abusive kind they care asmuch as you do about who you end up with. I’d feel strange marrying someone my folks hated.

@WhiteViolet:  i might have missed this even though i read the thread…di you ask your mom why she might dislike him? I dont know if yall have a grown up relationship yet but i would think yall could talk honestly.

Post # 15
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ffff, you’re 26? 26 or 28, either way, that is not too young to get married. That’s really kind of absurd of your mother. Especially if you want to have children.  (I married at 28 too, high five and also – congratulations!)

I’m sorry your folks are trying to brush off your happy news.  Have you been close to them in the past? Are you certain it’s just the class disparity that is making your mother (it seems) dislike him?

Post # 16
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@WhiteViolet:  They have over a year to get used to the idea.  Keep them updated and set up dinners/holidays where they can spend more time with your FH and get used to the idea.  My parents were not overly thrilled but they have come around.  We have been engaged for over a year.

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