Feeling anxious about the wedding

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2088 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

Wow so there is a lot to unpack here.  Ok so your prooosal wasn’t stunning in your opinion but honestly how lovely is it that you are engaged.  Also it is so so understandable that a number of critical life events (Mom and Dads divorce) can depress the hell out of anyone where wedding plans seem like a stretch.  I went through something similar as my Dad was struggling with an illness and I had no band with to plan.  But then I decided to initiate a paradigm shift and just jumped into planning.  What would need to happen for you to have a paradigm shift?   Perhaps you can visualize what you want your wedding to look like, your dress and work towards that.  I remember feeling out of shape when I started planning and did not like myself in dresses and then I decided to just say fuck it I’m going to be the baddest bride out there and I worked towards that.  I would relax and breathe and fall into a state of gratitude that you have gotten to this point and fall in.  Life and love and everything thereafter is what you make it.  

Post # 3
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I can totally undertand what you are going through. I was a covid bride and had a lot of changing emotions during the process. For a venue, why don’t you try a nice restaurant for your reception? They should be much more accommodating to a small number of people. 

I wouldn’t wait a year because your anxiety ovre the situation will just grow and you are excited to marry your fiance! I know wedding planning is a lot of pressure. WhatI wish I had done was stop being addicted to instagram and wedding websites. That will help you stop comparing your wedding and ideas to others and will help you just enjoy the process.

Post # 4
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee

Ricli gave you some great advice!

I just want to say, you don’t have to want a wedding. You don’t have to have a wedding. How deeply have you discussed your feelings about this with your FI? I know you said he wants a to do, there must be a compromise you can find. 

I’m sorry you are struggling over this. Whatever you decide really will be alright!

Post # 5
Member
2088 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@floridagirlblue:  Hey thanks.   I think it can be difficult when you are not happy with self or depressed to fall into a state of apathy.   However your wedding is your wedding your vision I hope OP can get to a place to own this remarkable day and make it truly her own!  

Post # 6
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Have you considered that you have depression? You mentioned that you have changed and you don’t enjoy things like you used to. Maybe do an online quiz or talk to your doctor?

Post # 7
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2022

View original reply
@olaa:  im so sorry you’re going through so much! i don’t blame you for not having the mental energy to plan a wedding. it also sounds like you may be depressed so it could be a good idea to reach out to your GP for resources or schedule an appointmnet with a therapist. if your fiance wants a wedding – tell him he needs to be the one to plan everything. otherwise it sounds like you should go to city hall and that way there’s not much to plan. you could do just the two of you and then meet fam for a lunch out at a restaurant or something small that again wouldnt require much planning. i totally know how you’re feeling, my fiance proposed last xmas and we just bought a house and im overwhelmed and have no energy to plan a big wedding. we are doing immediate family and 4 friends each with their partners in our backyard this summer. i think i’m gonna spend the money on a wedding planner because im so exhausted by the idea of having to think through all options of things or to coordinate with vendors (which will be minimal). sending good luck to you!!!

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by megs229.
  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by megs229.
Post # 8
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee

Dear Bee, I’m not sure the problem is the wedding – I think you might be suffering from depression.  You’ve just been through a really traumatic time, supporting your mother in escaping from an abusive relationship, which will have had a huge emotional impact on you as well.  Plus moving (which is one of the most stressful experiences) and all this on top of a pandemic, which is taking its toll on everyone.

You sound completely drained and exhausted.  It’s not surprising you don’t feel like wedding planning right now.  I would suggest talking to your doctor to rule out depression (or to get help with it, if you have it) and also to check there are no other vitamin or hormone imbalances going on, which can play havoc with your health and general wellbeing.  And if you can, take a holiday.  Or at least try to get some more rest at home if that’s not possible.

  

 

Post # 10
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2022

View original reply
@olaa:  you will look gorgeous on your wedding day regardless of your weight. it sounds like you need help forming a positive self image and therapy can be really good for that. based on your update i would just go to the courthouse and get married or plan something at a restaurant for under 10 ppl – just the absolute closest ppl who you want to be there. getting a reservation for under 10 ppl shouldn’t be that hard. idk why your fiance didn’t put a ton of effort into the proposal but now expects you to put a ton of effort into planning. i would get married to make sure that you are legally protected in terms of benefits etc. even if you don’t think it will change your day to day. so sorry to hear about your family difficulties, sounds really tough. sending you all the best!!! 

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by megs229.
Post # 11
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee

You’ve been through so much in the last year, it’s no wonder that planning a wedding feels like a lot of work for not enough reward. 

Can you set the planning aside until things have settled a bit more? At least until the holidays are over. You may find you have a bit more energy for it if you take a break. 

As for logistics – if you want to do a restaurant I’d keep your guest list to about 10-12 people. Serving dinner to 25+ people is logistically complicated and most restaurants’ menus and kitchens aren’t built around serving that many people simultaneously. They also usually require a minimum spend amount, so that it’s worth blocking off that number of tables for such a long time (they have to keep those tables empty for hours before and after service to ensure the space is ready and clean). So renting a room/venue is usually necessary for that number of people. 

You may find that having a 25-50 person wedding isn’t worth the headache and cost, particularly considering the exhausting and costly year you’ve had. And that’s ok! The wedding is just one day, the important thing is that you’re marrying the person you love. 

 

Post # 12
Member
2088 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

Think beautiful and I assure you you will be beautiful on that day.   Just relax and you will be fine. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

Post # 13
Member
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
@olaa:  You have been through a lot of trauma with your dad being abusive and you feeling like you had to be there for your mom. You supported your mom mentally but who supported you? Maybe you are right that you aren’t depressed but I’d think some counseling would be really helpful! Even if you just had a small amount of sessions it might help and nowadays you can do the sessions online. I had a traumatic experience at work and that was after my mom and grandmother passed away. I used the employee assistance program and had 6 phone sessions with a psychologist. It was really helpful! 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors