- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
This past weekend was supposed to be amazing, but in the end I feel like it was awful and just shows I am no where near ok with having a large wedding. I flew to MN for a shower and Bachlorette party that my sisters and friends were throwing me. I was so nervous and anxious at the shower I wanted to run away and had barely enough courage to hold back tears. My friends (who I have known for many many years) were completely surprised. I had always told them I don’t like to be the center of attention and that I always wanted to elope. My fiance didn’t want to elope and now we are having a large wedding. I am normally very outgoing and feel comfortable in crowds of people so everyone is always shocked to learn I get nervous and anxious. I can usually tell myself when I am giving a speech or talk that it is only 15 mins and I can prepare myself for that but I am not able to do this for the wedding like I do for other things. I am not even sure what to do. I was so nervous and anxious that I didn’t even feel like myself and I was constantly feeling akward in front of my family and good friends. My best friend of 25 plus years is currently mad at me for the way I acted. I can’t say that I don’t blame her but I am not even sure what really happened that day cause my head was constantly moving and thinking. I was so anxious flying back home last night I cried the entire first flight. The girl next to me kept asking me if I was ok. All I wanted to do was jump out of that plane and runaway. I wanted to call my fiance on Saturday and ask him to ask his sister to cancel our other shower. I just don’t even know how I am going to be able to handle it. He said he would go with me and to stop fretting about things but I can’t. I wish with all my heart we would have just eloped so I didn’t have to go through this. I know we can’t do that now with the wedding a month away and with so many people having flight and hotel reservations already.
Anyone else feel like this? How did you or are you planning on getting through it?
I am just hoping to get my friendships back right now. Hoping my best friend will understand.