Feeling awful: A friend spoke of me to a recruiter, who hired me instead of her

posted 2 months ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sbl99 :  

Well,  I think your feelings of guilt ( that women’s  curse) are misplaced OP. You not only helped her but helped her very considerably . The outcome is nothing at all for you to feel bad about  personally  , though  of course   you would have have wished betterfor her .

Don’t take this on -nor  inadvertently encourage her to have you feel guilty/responsible in any way.  I’m sure she know you well enough to know that gloating   is not your thing.

Yes lunch, but don’t make it about your guilt  etc, otherwise,  as well as not having a job, she will feel she has to also  make you feel better about it. 

Post # 3
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I get why you feel bad, but you shouldn’t and you shouldn’t try and do anything to make it up for her, there’s nothing you can really do unless you can find a job for her.

honestly she did herself a serious disservice by telling the recruiter about how her resume came to be. I’m a recruiter and if someone basically told me they couldn’t put a resume together on their own I’d be turned off. Obviously people can pay to have their resumes done, and usually run them by friends and family before sending out but she should have just kept that to herself IMO

sbl99 :  

Post # 4
Member
4110 posts
Honey bee

You don’t even know that they would have hired her for the job if they hadn’t recruited you in the first place.  There could have been a dozen other people applying for the job and it could have gone to a stranger.  She clearly needs to work on her interview skills and how to sell and present herself if she is spending her interview talking about other people and admitting to her interviewer that she essentially plagiarized the thing that got her the interview in the first place.

So I would let go of that guilt and stop thinking you need to repay her.

At most, and I’m not even sure I would do it, I would treat the situation the same way I would of anyone who made a referral or wrote a recommendation for me – say thank you and give a token thank you gift like some chocolates.  But she didn’t get you the job and you didn’t prevent her from getting it.  You still had to prove you are the best candidate for the job. They didn’t just hand it over to you based on her word . Your skills got you the job and her lack of skills cost her the job.

Post # 6
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i think the biggest mistake she made was telling the recruiter that she didnt do her own resume. 

granted im sure lots of people use other people resumes as a stepping stone to create their own. But i would NEVER mention that in an actual interview. 

even if she hadnt mentioned you by name, admitting that she didnt create her own resume was probably the nail in the coffin for her anyways. 

Post # 7
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

After your update I think it’s even more clear that she wouldn’t have gotten the job regardless, if they didn’t hire you they would have hired someone else.

dont beat yourself up over it, hopefully this can be a learning experience for your friend. 

sbl99 :  

Post # 8
Member
4110 posts
Honey bee

Nope. Doesn’t change my answer. Then her mistake was not treating it like a serious interview, which it was. Just like when you do an internal interview for another position or promotion at your company, you don’t just go in there and shoot the s*** like you are old buddies just because it’s the same person interviewing you that you occasionally get coffee with during break or traded eyerolls with at staff meetings. You treat it like a serious interview because employment is serious.

If she didn’t interview well, and it seems pretty apparent she didn’t, they weren’t going to hand over the job to her just based on his prior impressions of her. And just because he is intimately familiar with her skill-set doesn’t mean that was a positive thing in her favor. That door swings both ways. Having prior knowledge could have meant the interview was merely a professional courtesy or she at least met the minimum qualifications and he may have had a negative view of her skill set. It obviously wasn’t that impressive if he was asking questions about other people he could potentially recruit instead. It’s basically like going on a first date with someone you had some prior contact with, you casually mention your friend, and then the guy spends the entire rest of the date asking questions about your friend. Obviously the date hadn’t been going that great if his head was so quickly turned in the opposite direction towards someone else. The friend wouldn’t have been the reason why the two people on the date didn’t end up married – they weren’t getting married no matter what. And you still had to interview well in order for them to offer you the job.

Post # 9
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee

sbl99 :  her telling him she essentially copied your resume (or worse—just used your resume with some shifted around words and dates) was likely the nail in the coffin. it shows lack of effort, drive, and creativity on her behalf. I would not hire someone or move them forward to the hiring manager if they demonstrated lack of any of those characteristics to me in the initial interview phases.

dont beat yourself up. you got a great job out of the deal and she learned an excellent, albeit tough and unfortunate, life lesson. 

 

this isn’t your fault. it’s not like you burst through the window during her interview just to interject “well, actually mr. HR person, ‘tis I who formatted that resume”

Post # 11
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

happiekrappie :  Haha!  That was a great visual.

Yeah OP, you didn’t usurp her position.  The recruiter didn’t find her suitable, or they wouldn’t have even felt the need to reach out. 

Honestly it’s a tricky one because even though you didn’t do the wrong thing, I can see how you would want to clear the air.  I would just catch up (don’t host her, as in pay for her lunch or anything – could be taken the wrong way) and ask her how the job hunt is going.  You’ll be able to tell from her reaction how to take it from there.  You could offer to go to a networking event together or something. 

Post # 12
Member
1564 posts
Bumble bee

It wouldn’t have been a personal decision, your skill set matched the job better. Don’t do anything it would just rub it in.

Post # 13
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

sbl99 :  I don’t find it odd that she was passed up: the recruiter is someone who knows her very well, and is familiar with both her performance and work history. Depending on what she included on ‘her’ resume (after she updated yours to make it hers) there may have been serious questions about whether or not these were her duties and accomplishments.

It’s possible that this is why they asked pointed questions, and why she said she got help from you. It’s also possible her performance wasn’t stellar in her current role.

Don’t feel badly about getting this job: you have worked hard to get where you are, and clearly you intervieeed well and earned it.

Post # 14
Member
7106 posts
Busy Beekeeper

sbl99 :  I used to manage a department and while I would politely give any of my former employees an interview I’d pretty much know ahead of time who I wanted to hire again. In fact when my current job was hiring I immediately tried to poach a guy I used to work with because he’s just really good and I knew his personality would be a good fit here. Even if you didn’t get that job, your friend probably never would have anyways. 

Post # 15
Member
6337 posts
Bee Keeper

Definitely agree that because she didn’t do her resume and instead copied from yours it was a major strike against her.  Probably seen as being unable to do work without major assistance from others (ie copying).

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