Post # 1
Fiance and I live in a TINY studio apartment in NYC. However, the wedding is happening in CA as that is where I grew up and where my immediate family is.
We are not planning on registering for anything and definitely would prefer monetary gifts over physical gifts for a few reasons:
1. There is NO space in my tiny home!
2. How would we ship or store everything? $$$
3. Fiance has a LOT of student debt and once we’re married I’ll have that debt too. We would love to have more in savings in case of emergencies instead of more stuff.
I just feel so rude asking! I feel people should give whatever is in their hearts but maybe if they knew the situation they’d be more inclined to gift differently?
Post # 2
You feel uncomfortable asking because it is not polite to ask for monetary gifts. Trust your gut on this one! Just do not say anything at all about gifts.
If you don’t want boxed gifts, simply do not register for any. If this is the route you go, however, you should not have a bridal shower.
Post # 3
- Wedding: Cottage on the Creek
there is really no polite way to ask for money. if people ask, tell them those things – we have a small space and can’t bring much stuff home from the wedding (don’t mention your debt – almost everyone has debt) and people will get the hint.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
This is probably gonna get ugly…
All I can suggest is not saying anything. where i’m from, people generally give money at weddings anyway and if there is no registry info, guests are usually more inclined to give money as gifts.
But yes, to outright ask for money would be rude.
Post # 5
Don’t say anything. People usually give money at the actual wedding anyway. If someone specifically asks, you could have your close friends/family spread the word that you’re saving for a down payment on a house or something. That sounds better than “paying off my debt” lol.
Post # 6
The people you invite to your wedding will most lilkely know your living situation and gift appropriately
Post # 7
If it is any help, I registered for a very small number of gifts (I think that there are 4 items on my registry… and they are all under $20) because my grandmother is insisting on throwing a joint shower for another family member and I. In all honesty, thats all we really need in terms of household items. I learned that I had to beware because when I registered at Macy’s they automatically set me up for a “dream fund” without even asking. Essentially, if there aren’t items on the registry that guests want to give, they are encouraged to donate money toward a Macy’s Gift Card. Since I really don’t feel that a Macy’s gift card would be something that I would really use a lot in the future (I don’t shop a whole lot), I had to figure out how to remove it from my registry after the fact.
Post # 8
just don’t ask. People will either give you money or buy you something that you probably don’t need. Some people find it to be really rude if you ask for money. Just have family members spread the word and hope that they understand. I originally wanted a honeymoon fund but i am quickly changing my mind. Why because a friend asked me where i was registered i told her i wasn’t that i was hoping to set up a honeymoon fund. She was like ok well what do your really need. I said idk so it’s best to just set up a small registry of stuff you may need and hope that people give you money. Some people don’t want to give money. i already know that my friend is not going to fund my honeymoon in anyway. It became clear when she asked. So i do need a new suit case which will be awesome for our Honeymoon plus i travel back and forth to see my Fiance. Some kitchen supplies for when we finally move in i just will store them and other Little things that will be nice for our house. If people want to give money they will. Plus some people may not be able to afford your registry items and might just get you a card with a 20 so hey whatever helps right?
Post # 9
Unfortunately, most people don’t know the situation. I’m a Catholic Latina girl and our living together (although some people know) is hushed. My extended family thinks we’re living in luxury since we live in NY and they think Fiance is rolling in $$$ bc he has a steady job working in the TV industry and is from Miami (To them this equals wealth and my big Mexican family LOVES gossip.)
Although, most people do have debt, (and I would NEVER tell anyone about ours) most people don’t have 150K in school debt at the age of 25.
It’s not going to get ugly because we’re not those kinds of people. We probably just won’t register and won’t say anything.
We’re not having a bridal shower or rehearsal dinner or anything “extra”. Unlike most Mexican weddings with godparents who pay for things, Fiance and I are trying to make our under 5K budget work.
Post # 10
I appreciate the advice Bees.
I think I’m gonna do like Elsa and “let it go,” one less thing to worry about!
Post # 11
We registered with Not Another Toaster. It has been brilliant for us, as lots of our older guests would like us to get something physical, like china, and our younger guests would like to get us things we would like, like our honeymoon. Having a mix of things has helped us cater to both groups without appearing cash-grabby. Good luck!
Post # 12
I say ask for what you want. I don’t get why people register for things they will not use or want. Depending on people to guess or use common sense will leave you returning things you don’t need or have space for. Although we appreciate the thought and sentiment behind actual gifts we would prefer monetary gifts as a alternative.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2015 - Redondo Beach Historic Library
We registered on the Zola’s website and they let you do both a traditional registry with items from anywhere as well as a cash fund, house fund, honeymoon fund, “experiences” fund, whatever you want to call it. Another nice thing that they do is that you can list traditional registry gifts but have the money spent on the item go to your bank account, the idea being that that way you have the flexibility to order the gift when and where you will need it instead of shipping it to you immediately.
Could you do a dollar dance at the reception? I know lots of posters on here think they’re tacky but my understanding is that they are pretty common in Mexican weddings (FI is Mexican).