Feeling Awkward about the Shower- Opening Money Gifts and Too Many Guests

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: YES, I'm asking for cash. Now what!?!
    Open each card and gift and thank each and every woman right then and there. : (19 votes)
    40 %
    Open gifts at the shower and open cards at home. Thank with specifics in the "Thank You" notes. : (7 votes)
    15 %
    Uggh how tacky can you be to ask for money!!! ::shame shame shame:: : (16 votes)
    34 %
    I have a much better idea! which I will explain in great detail below..... : (5 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I’m a little confused- I’ve always assumed showers are for tangible gifts.  If you don’t want these, why are you having a shower?  You don’t sound excited about it, and if it is turning out to be awkward because you’re being forced to invite people you aren’t close to and dealing with the uncomfortable display of money, then don’t do it.

    If you do go through with it, please don’t open the cards at the shower.  I can’t imagine how embarrassing it would be to have the amount of money I gave revealed to the room.

    Post # 4
    3124 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I am uncomfortable reading your whole post – I agree with greenleaf – showers are to open up gifts. I don’t like showers. You should scrap the entire idea of a shower if you’re asking for cash and don’t want to open presents. If you can’t find 25-40 ladies for your party, why not make it an engagement party instead, and invite men as well? That way you don’t have to open cards with money – that would be just too much. Cringe cringe cringe. People will still probably bring you something, and if it’s not advertised as a shower, you’ll probably get cash.

    Post # 5
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Greenleafmountain has a point…do you really want to have a shower? Can you make it more laidback and low key like you wanted it?

    If you do have a shower, I’d open everything in front of the guests, but never show how much money you received. Most people like the gift opening to be quick anyway.

    Post # 6
    18637 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I agree with the other girls that the whole point of a shower is to receive gifts.  If you don’t want gifts, maybe you shouldn’t have a shower.

    Post # 7
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I like the idea of turning it into an engagement party…

    Post # 8
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    My FI’s aunt is hosting my bridal shower and I also was told that she wanted all the women that are invited to the wedding to be invited to the shower.  I excluded a few people on the list (ex. my FI’s bosses’ wife who I have never met).  But because she is hosting the party and that was what she requested, I said that was fine (although I would have preferred a much smaller shower).


    Like the other posters, I’m really not sure about having a shower if don’t want tangible gifts.

    Post # 10
    1049 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1998

    I just had my shower. We did not ask for cash, but did receive cash gifts from several women. I didn’t mention the cash directly, but opened the card and thanked them very much.

    I had about 40 at my shower and I’ll tell ya, opening stuff in front of everyone was REALLY awkward. But that’s just the way it is.

    I’m in agreement with the other girls that showers are really for opening presents. If you’re sitting in front of everyone opening cash it’s going to be totally awkward for everyone instead of just for you. DO NOT mention amounts in front of people if you end up doing this!

    Post # 11
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i recently went to a baby shower where they didn’t open any gifts at all–the gifts sat in a corner of the room the whole time and people just mingled and ate food. it was a little awkward because i kept expecting it to be present time, but less awkward than it sounds like you’d feel opening cards with cash gifts.

    Post # 12
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    If you really just want to hang out and have a good time, then maybe add a note that you don’t want gifts at the shower. 

    I hate to say this but if you aren’t willing to open the gifts and share the fun with everyone then you shouldn’t really be asking for gifts (give a little, get a little).

    At my shower everyone was invited to continue to mingle while I opened. It was nice because eyes weren’t focused on me.  About every 10 presents or so (this was a LARGE shower) they came over and did some trivia about my Fiance and I and I picked the best answer from what the guests had filled out.  It gave them something to chat about too while I was opening. 

    Post # 13
    1288 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

    I also like the idea of converting it into an engagement party. Showers really are all about the gifts.

    Post # 14
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Hmm.. I’m going to be honest and say you sound a little selfish. You shouldn’t tell people you want cash at all and let’s face it – that’s what we all really want. You said in your post “FI and I have lived together for several years and all we really need is a house to put all our crap in” Um… join the club. Even people who are just moving in would probably prefer cash to a bunch of crap they saw for 1/2 a second before scanning onto the registry.

    Showers are traditionally to shower the bride with tangible gifts, not cash. So if all you want is cash then pay back the Maid/Matron of Honor her deposit and cancel the shower. If you are willing to be gracious, then maybe make a ‘theme’ shower like bakeware or lingerie. But keep in mind that the shower is bigger than you and try to get rid of the dollar signs where your eyes should be.

    And please please please don’t open the cards in front of everyone if they do in fact follow your instructions and give cards with cash in them.

    Post # 15
    210 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Is it really that bad to open cards with cash in them if you don’t announce the dollar amount?  I didn’t ask for money at my shower, but a couple guests gave that anyway.  I opened every card because I didn’t want anyone to think I didn’t appreciate their gift.  I didn’t announce the dollar amount or anything, just said a very heartfelt thank-you to the giver.

    Post # 16
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’m confused why it can’t be an engagment party? You said it would cost more money but since you mentioned that the invite list is below where they want it to be – why can’t the remaining guests be men, and have it be changed into an engagement celebration event without any additional cost?

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