Post # 1
Ok, so I’m having my two sisters and three best friends as BMs. I originally was back and forth between just having my two sisters or including them all, and my three freinds were asking if I’d decided if they’d be in it or not (we’re all realliy close and have been friends for years!). So, when I “decided” to have all 5 of them, I didn’t really properly ask them if they would stand up in our wedding!
Now I’m feeling TERRIBLE about all they’re having to do for our wedding. I picked out their dresses ($160), and bought their shoes. I gave them $10 gift cards for thank yous after the shower, bought them monogrammed wine glasses for their wedding gifts. They’re having to pay for their dresses plus alterations, and they’ve all chosen to get their hair done. One lives about 40 min. away, and has had to drive to attend various events, especially on Friday. The rehearsal dinner is at 5 on a Friday (day before wedding), but she works 9-5! Am I being unfair? I can’t afford to give them everything I wish I could! What can I do to help/show how grateful I am for them?
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re asking too much. I think you’re being quite generous. Sounds very much like the best bridesmaid experiences I had, actually.
Post # 4
@sikkinott: Have any of them been complaining? Did they have a say in the dress you chose?
IMO, $160 plus alterations is a *bit* steep, but I’d still pay it if I were a bridesmaid for someone I loved.
They opted to get their hair done themselves, so maybe they’re not hurting too badly for cash, but it totally depends on your circle of friends.
I think if you wrote them all a heartfelt thank you for everything they’ve done, it’d be nice.
Post # 5
@sikkinott: I think that you should just tell them 🙂 seriously, just have an honest chat and tell them how much their involvement means to you and how honored you are to have them next to you when you said your vows. As a bridesmaid, I would personally much rather know that I am important to the bride…a monogrammed robe or a paid-for updo is not very exciting to me.
Post # 6
@sikkinott: I think the words you need to focus on in this post are they’ve all chosen.
I think it’s great that you want to do so much for your girls and I understand because I’m the same way. But, they knew what they were getting themselves into when they agreed. And whether you properly asked or not, they know now you want them in the wedding and have (presumbably) agreed to participate.
I’m sure as grateful as you are to have their support they are just as grateful to be able to lend that support. Just keep repeating how much their support means to you and unless they come to you with money woes, Relax.
Post # 7
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable! Know that they love you… and that if it gets to be too much, they’ll either tell you or seek help from their own resources. Everyone knows the expectations these days, so they should know what they’re getting into when they agree to be a BM. My girls are paying $154 for the floor length dress, they can wear whatever black shoes they want, I am giving them each a clutch, a wine glass (monogrammed), and a necklace to wear at the wedding. I wish I could do more but I have 8 girls!!!!
Post # 8
@csteen85: No overt complaints, but I just get the feeling that they’re feeling the pinch.
I found the dresses, and showed it to them before I officially decided. I tried my best to consider both cost and cut, and was picking them to try to make it easier on them all.
I already sent them all a message saying how I appreciate them so much, regretted not formally asking them, and saying I want to help them in any way I can.
Post # 9
@sikkinott: Yeah, I think you’re okay then. I can see your concerns… I’d have the same ones, but in this case, I think they’re all on-board.
Post # 10
🙂 Thanks, ladies! I appreciate all your support. Weddings be crazy! Best wishes to all of you!!