(Closed) Feeling bad about feeling bad that MOH is MOH in wedding right before mine

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can totally understand where you’re coming from. The fact is though – that all the other things you mention are just “stuff” as compared to the reaction she had and the emotions you both felt when you asked her. Decorations are material…and in no way shape or form make the experience you will share with your Maid/Matron of Honor “interchangeable” in any way. If you are happy with a backyard BBQ shower with a pitcher (or two) of sangria…tell her that!

Don’t be sad – this is going to be an amazing experience (because as we know from being on here – every wedding is completely different). She is a friend and Maid/Matron of Honor to you in a different way … and there is nothing to be jealous of. In fact, I bet that her brother’s sis is going to be waaaay more jealous! 🙂

Post # 4
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Try not to let it get to you. I’m sure she is thrilled to be in your wedding as Maid/Matron of Honor but weddings can be pricey for everyone. If her brother’s wedding is 4 weeks before yours, you’ll still have plenty of time for it to stand out as a separate special event.

Also, you have a year until the wedding so that should be plenty of time for you to plan out pre-wedding events without interference with the other wedding (i.e. dress fittings, showers, bachelorette party, etc.).

Post # 5
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Look at it this way—

Your MoH has agreed (no one has forced her) to take on two very large commitments at around the exact same time, and she wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t love you and if you didn’t mean a lot to her. 

Being a smart lady, she’s obviously going to look for shortcuts wherever she can, because she wants to do a great job for both brides but she also doesn’t want to go bankrupt or become an insomniac.  So try not to take some of her comments the wrong way— yes every one of us wants our showers and parties to be special, but we have to allow the planners to use their judgement in how to make it special and where to cut corners.  If she chooses to save time and money on the decorations by using them twice, that frees her up (quite a bit!!) to spend more time and care on the things that really make a difference.  I know it stings a bit to hear that someone’s already planning on recycling these things, but try and look at it for what it is: a relatively unimportant detail that can often eat up stupid amounts of time.

Take a deep breath. Give her credit for knowing well in advance that she is going to have some juggling to do, and always remember that she loves you enough to do two big projects at once.  

Post # 6
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Aww I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way, and I think it’s understandable for sure. But be happy that she’s so open with you and willing to discuss her concerns, and be thrilled that she agreed to be in the wedding despite the other commitments (which, while they might not be as important as being Maid/Matron of Honor in your wedding, she did make first). I say be happy that she’s so open because you read so many other posts about how brides hear at the last minute about the stress of a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor related to their wedding. Because she’s being open with you, there won’t be any resentment on her part, and you’ll be able to know when to ask for help/involvement, and when to let her be. 

I’m sure she is so happy and honored to be in your wedding, and she would never want you feeling upset or jealous about the other wedding. 

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