(Closed) Feeling Bad about Husband\'s Best Friend-Need Advice

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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anonagrsta :  Alison should realize that she is human, is not blind, and is allowed to have a crush as long as she does not act upon it. She should understand that this infatuation with Noah is easy, because she only sees him at his best moments.

 

She doesn’t see the “human” side of Noah who makes mistakes, is annoying, leaves the toilet seat up for her to fall into when she goes to pee in the middle of the night, and with whom she may actually end up clashing with if she saw enough of him. 

 

She should acknowledge her crush for what it is, then snuff it—because she is married and her husband does not deserve to have her constantly thinking about another man. 

Post # 3
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

HOT DAMN! when does episode 2 come out??

Post # 5
Member
13816 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Alison should ask herself if all this would be happening if she was as happy in her marriage as she says she is and if she can honestly say there is nothing missing. Then Alison should start by refocusing on her own relationship.  If she can’t let it go to the point she finds herself breaking down in tears then she might want to look into counseling. Something isn’t right. 

Post # 6
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

My advice to Alison would be to not take it so hard on herself, it’s okay. People can still get crushes while married. Our bodies don’t have an off switch for that, especially when designed to breed.

What Alison can do is to take all that energy and refocus it on her marriage. When I’ve had this happen, I usually found a source of discontent in my relationship (one was long distance, one was being ignored and feeling unloved). Notice all of Cole’s good traits, remind yourself of all the things you love about him. Maybe even try something new in the bedroom. Always distract yourself and never dwell on thoughts of Noah. If any thoughts come up, say “He has *insert negative trait* and will not occupy my mind” then go do something else or just observe as many things about your current environment as you can in order to push him out of your mind. I find looking at puppies on animal shelter websites gets me distracted real quick, and instead makes me think of the life I’m building with the most wonderful man.

Hope this helps, best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

Alison should know that most married women go from time to time through infatuation/crushes. The point is to not act on them and to know those feelings will go away when they are not fed. 

So no idealizing of either Noah himseld or Alison’s feelings toward him, no comparisons with Cole. No indulging in thinking about Noah at all. Especially no thinking that Noah is somehow special or that feeling is special. 

Finding peace in knowing that it is natural and that those feeling will go away eventually, and Noah will be seen as a friend again. 

It may take Alison about a year to get over her feelings if she decides to not act upon them. 

Post # 10
Member
764 posts
Busy bee

You don’t see this person enough to have such strong feelings, so you’re allowing/encouraging it to happen. So you have to figure out why you’re doing that. Maybe because youre bored or unhappy and think it’s exciting, maybe you want to sabatoge your own relationship, Maybe you feel you need drama in your life, don’t know why. You have to figure out what it is that makes you want to indulge in these thoughts. 

Post # 11
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

Does no one else find it weird that Cole and Noah are so close that they Skype every few days but Cole finds out that Noah got married “through the grapevine”? 

Post # 13
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Ooooo plot thickens. The 3rd person thing is *kinda* creepy but it’s interesting 

Post # 15
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

 

What is so attractive about Noah that is missing in Cole? 

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