Post # 1
I’m feeling bad after my shower, which was a few weeks ago. My Maid/Matron of Honor had said last fall that she was better at being told to do something rather than being expected to plan everything. I thought “ok, everyone is different” and she was in charge of one thing for the shower -games. My aunt (who is also my godmother) did 99% of the rest – my aunt LOVES this kind of stuff and went above and beyond because she wanted to. My aunt sent me a quick email months prior asking me me what I prefered – such as “sangria punch or pink lemonade; this dip or that dip; fruit pizza or dipped strawberries”…Later, Maid/Matron of Honor said she couldn’t come up with prizes/door prizes for the games so my girls and aunt went together on them…and they were awesome! The food was delicious, I had a great turnout, we got so many nice things, too. It was a great shower!
Two nights prior to the shower, Maid/Matron of Honor tells me she isn’t able to print any of the games. I offered to print them. She tells me she doesn’t have enough pens for people to do the games with. I said I had lots of pens at home and could bring some if needed, she said “I’ll take care of it”. I got the feeling that she was unhappy about something.
Then, at the shower, as we’re eating (just her and I sitting face to face) she says that when she gets married (and this “when I get married…” has been going on for quite some time..she’s not engaged) she wants to know nothing about the shower. She just wants me to tell her a time and place to show up. I told her that’s cool; but it wouldn’t have really worked for me though. Her response was “yeah, you’re overly involved in your whole wedding process.” I asked her what she meant and she just shrugged and went back to eating. Later she said that her and her mom had been talking about me and normally the bride doesn’t have a say in foods or anything. Is it really that big of a deal that my aunt asked me to choose between a few foods?!?
I feel like being involved and excited for everything is a bad thing. All night I felt terrible, like I’d done something wrong or offensive to make her say this. Weeks have passed and she’s still treating me with distance. I didn’t hear from her for 5 days at first, then when I did hear from her it was because she wanted me to see if the hotel would let her check in early for our wedding. Since then I’ve gotten one word replies to emails and texts….I know she’s mad at me over the shower, and it really makes me uncomfortable and nervous for the remainder of my engagement. It’s not what I was expectng and I’m unprepared on how to handle this! I feel like I should say something to try and make things better before my big day, but I have a feeling it would only make things worse. HELP!
Post # 3
Wow can you say JEALOUS !!! Who cares what she would want for her shower??? It’s YOUR shower, and if you wanted to be more involved in it, then so be it. Why does she even care? She clearly didn’t bring anything to the table anyways. Your aunt did everything.
As your maid of honor, she is being completely out of line. How long have you known her? Is she single and bitter? You need to have a sit down with her and talk about how you’re feeling. None of this will go away on its own. She needs to be told that you didn’t appreciate her snide comments and that you just want her to be there for you in the same supportive manner that you would be for her.
Post # 4
Thank you, I needed to hear that. I’m really feeling bad about this, I mean it’s been over 2 weeks and it’s stll weighing on me! She’s in a long term relationship and I’ve been friends with her for about 15 years! So yes, totally uncalled for and out of line. I guess I need to think of a way to bring this up and clear things up so I don’t feel like I’m walking on egg shells at my wedding.
P.S. calling to ask me if I’ll arrange for the hotel to let her check in early…Fiance said “are you a travel agent now?” no kidding.
Post # 5
Honestly, I think she’s being completely ridiculous. Really, who cares if you gave your preference on a few foods? Your aunt was throwing the shower & was trying to make you happy.. so she asked for your input. Sounds totally normal to me. I know all the info for the food at our shower, and they asked my opinion as well. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I’m guessing she’s unhappy about something else and is just looking for an excuse to be angry.
Post # 6
One word; Jealous!
She is totally out of line…..
Post # 7
Thanks, guys…my mom said the same thing, probably jealous. Mom’s are always right lol.
Post # 8
Yep, your mom is probably right!
Please, don’t let her spoil this time for you!
Post # 9
@MrsD41503:shes jealous thats really unfortunate im sorry you have to go thru that with ur Maid/Matron of Honor. id call her out. thats ridiculous
Post # 10
….It’s not like you forced your way into the planning. Your Aunt ASKED you what you wanted. I think it’s perfectly fine to have a say in shower planning if you are asked about your preferences. That’s just normal… Your friend would probably have a fit if she knew my grandmother asked me about what foods I wanted and my mother just sent me three invitation templates to pick from. Geesh. I agree with a PP about her sounding jealous. Maybe she’s feeling lonesome because you’re getting married and she’s taking it out on you? I don’t know… It sounds like there’s some underlying problem.
Post # 11
I agree, too – some underlying problem. I need to find a nice way to ask what’s up.
Post # 12
Wow, usually I roll my eyes when brides accuse a friend of being jealous…but this time I’m totally agreeing! And I would approach her about her behavior. Not confrontationally or through text, but call her and say, “You seem really distant ever since my bridal shower. I heard all your comments about how you don’t think the bride should choose foods and such, and I know when the time comes you want yours to be a surprise…but I’m being made to feel as if I did something wrong by answering my aunt’s questions and offering to help when you were having problems with getting the prizes, printing the games, having pens, etc. Is something else going on or what? Because it doesn’t seem like you to be unhappy with me over…well, really nothing.”
Post # 13
Yep, jealousy meter is off the charts on this one. Definitely bring it up and ask her wtf her problem is (not like that! lol).
And, uh, whoever throws me a shower had better ask me about at least the food. I’m a really picky eater, and I would not be okay showing up without knowing what’s going to be there to eat. Also, I don’t like games, so there’s that. Do I want to know exactly everything that’s happening? No, but I don’t want to be miserable.
Post # 14
My first thought is exactly what everyone else has been saying. She is most definitely, 100% jealous. I can think of no other reason for her behavior and comments. She also doesn’t sound like a very good friend. The distance may not be such a terrible thing.
Post # 15
She is totally JEALOUS. She’s totally having bride envy. I would brush it off and tell her suck wind instead of sucking the joy out of everything! Of course, you sound a lot nicer than me so you could ask her “what’s up? Is everything ok?”
Post # 16
Seriously, do not let her spoil this for you! Since you’ve known her for so long, I’m betting this is not the first time she’s done this, right? I am with the other bees, you are way nicer than me!! This is obviously something that is way out of your comfort zone, she sees you happy and she’s clearly not with whatever (her boyfriend, job, life in general). This is coming from someone that has been in the shoes of your bridesmaid ( I had a brief falling out with the bride over my behavior. Long story, but I wish we didn’t go through what we did. This was 5 years ago and all is forgiven, but it definitely was a hard time for both of us).
I think you should talk to her and find out what things is she is comfortable handling and tell her that you’re excited for her to be by your side on this special day. If she’s still being difficult, maybe “demote” her to bridesmaid so she doesn’t feel the pressure of the Maid/Matron of Honor duties or even think about inviting her as a guest and not part of the bridal party. It’s your day, her issues are her issues and making jealous remarks as she has done are uncalled for. If you continue to be too nice, she’ll walk all over you. Let her know you’re here for her, but need her to come along (or step down).