(Closed) Feeling bad and not sure how to approach this…

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I would probably be highly offended if I wasn’t invited to my cousin’s wedding, but we are all pretty close…I would definitely message her or call her, but you still aren’t inviting her, right? I would just try to explain your dilemma to her. How many people did you invite total?

Post # 3
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My brother decided to not invite cousins to his wedding because my dad’s side is similarly huge (my dad is one of 7), and the venue did not allow enough space. I actually think the “no cousins” rule was the best way to go about it if your goal was to avoid hurting feelings. It is a rule that can be applied without preference.

I’m sorry that this cousin is hurt and has reacted this way. I think it’s also sticky because it is your husband’s cousin. I would think the first communication should come from him. I’m with you though. I would want to mend the situation. I think most issues like this stem from a lack of communication. If you have a chance to try to discuss the situation with her, I would speak openly and honestly about it. Weddings are so tricky like this. Best of luck.

Post # 4
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
anonymous03091989 :  

Sorry, I think you should have invited the cousin… I would be upset too

Post # 5
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
anonymous03091989 :  You guys messed up by inviting some of the cousins after the fact. You should have done all of them or none of them.  I would have been upset too!

I know it sucks my dad has 6 siblings and MIL is one of 9, Father-In-Law is one of 5 so natually we both have over 20 cousins on each side but each and every one got invited 

There was only one cousin who did not get invited and that was because he is like 10 and we had a hard no guests under 21 rule.

I would call the cousin, apologize and then invite the cousins. 

 

Post # 6
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Damn this is a toughie!

I totally see it from both sides, and understand why both parties are feeling bad right now. My usual go-to in this sort of situation is follow your hubbys lead. It is his side of the family, and was his call to do the inviting the way he did. If he wants to explain to her and console her thats good. If he’d rather just let her have her tantrum and cool off thats good too. Unfortunatly there isn’t a perfect path that will heal this on the spot. It’s all about finding the best course of action to move forward. Your hubby knows his cousin and has an understanding of his family dynamic that only comes from growing up with them. As hard as it is, and as easy as it is to misstep, it’s better for your own heart and piece of mind if you take this off of your own plate and leave it on his 🙂

Like I always say: weddings bring out the worst in people!

Post # 8
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We didn’t invite any cousins from my dad’s side because there would have been like 20 of them (plus their SO’s and kids).  I’m also not close with any of them though.  I think you did the right thing by not inviting any, but I think you shouldn’t have stuck to that choice and not allowed any to come.

Just call and try to smooth things over now I guess?

Post # 9
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
anonymous03091989 :  OH lol well nothing you can do now. Just apologize . They will get over it lol

Post # 11
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

I would just let it be. You made decisions about your wedding guest list, so stand by them. Honestly, I think it would just make things worse if you tried to explain things to the cousin. Hopefully she will get over her hurt feelings and no lasting damage is done, but prepare yourself for a grudge

Post # 13
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think its ridiculously immature to be so salty about this, especially since theyre not close. There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding and saying aunts/uncles only no cousins. Theres also no problem with exceptions for those people you invited later. That cousin needs to grow up.

Have your husband explain to her parents or her directly that hes very sorry for hurt feelings but you are having a small wedding and with large families that meant not inviting all the cousins.

One of my mom’s 2nd cousins (not even my own 2nd cousin!) shunned us when she wasnt invited to my wedding. WTF??! What is the matter with people!

ETA: I also think the open bar point is ridiculous. Youre being a generous host for the guests youre having. Thats a good thing. Yes I could have served pizza hut and invited everyone under the sun but thats not the wedding I wanted to have. You did NOTHING wrong.

Same with the plus ones- all single adults should have them. You dont rudely host one group so you can invite another.

Post # 14
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

I would say that she has a right to be upset since you ended up inviting some cousins and not others. That’s a pretty crappy thing to do. I’d be just as upset as she was. 

Had you truly had no cousins at your wedding, she could maybe be hurt but she likely wouldn’t have had that strong a reaction.

What’s done is done. If your husband wants to say something he can, but if she’s already gone so far as to delete you both from social media, I’m not sure this can be mended.

Post # 15
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
anonymous03091989 :  I would be offended if my parents and family were invited to a wedding and I was not. Sadly, she has a point of “can afford the open bar but not family”. I know it stings… but you have to admit it is kinda true.

When you only invite Aunts and Uncles (which I just don’t agree with) you are splitting up a core immediate family. I would just think of it that way… Families like celebrating things together especially when you are having a large gathering. 

I get where you are coming from… I really do, it is hard to manage your budget but I feel like your cousin has a reason to be upset.

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