(Closed) Feeling bad and not sure how to approach this…

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 18
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

So you gave aunts an uncles random +1’s (and tried to tell them who to bring with it) and didnt invite cousins…. ehhh sorry bee, I can see why cousin was upset.

Post # 19
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
anonymous03091989 :  I have never met any of my FI’s cousin’s on his mother’s side, but they are all invited. Some he hasn’t seen in many many years. We are having a smaller wedding (100 or so people), but knew we wanted to invite all of our family. Not trying to make you feel bad, what’s done is done but I do think she has a right to be upset & it helps to understand her feelings more.

Post # 21
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

Its not a wedding unless someone walks away with hurt feelings. At this point what’s done is done. The best you can do is apologize and move on. She can accept it or she can hold on to this silly grudge. There’s really nothing more you can do. 

Post # 22
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I totally understand the aunts and uncles but no cousins. (My mom was one of 8.) I totally understand the all or none method. But that’s not what happened. There were cousins added after the fact and the policy was unevenly applied.

I would be really upset if I was the cousin and found out later that exceptions had been made. She may be being petty in how she’s handling it, but the hurt is justified. I think you, Bee, can take a giant step back and let your husband handle it. It was his shoddy call, so he can apologize, explain to his cousins that hindsight is 20/20, and then everyone will be able to let it go. 

Post # 23
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
anonymous03091989 :  I guess bottom line is that she considered herself important enough to you to be invited to your wedding, and you did not. Now she does not see you as someone she would like to keep in contact on social media. You said yourself that you only see this person once a year and are not close- even if it was not a personal attack against her, she sees it as such. I think if you try and backtrack you will only fan the flames.

Post # 24
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think people should stop being ass hurt about getting invited to a wedding or not. People have budgets, and ideas of who that want there. To get upset about it is so stupid. 

Post # 25
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
anonymous03091989 :  I think bees are being a little harsh here. It’s your call on who to invite. I didn’t invite my aunts, uncles and cousins because we’re not close and there are a lot of them (my parents, including my stepdad, are one of 5, so I have well over 50 cousins). There’s no rule that you have to invite everyone you’re related to.

Besides all of that, your wedding is over. You can’t change you invited and it sounds like this cousin just wants to be angry. Let it blow over. If she talks to you directly, then you can share where you’re coming from, but right now, it sounds like she just likes drama.

Post # 26
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

People just want to be with their immediate family at weddings. Nobody wants to feel left out even if you guys aren’t that close. I will have a similar predicament in the future with cousins I haven’t seen in like ten years. I will probably just have to invite them since their parents will be coming most likely. You would normally never invite someone you haven’t seen in a decade to your wedding, but family just seems to exist in a seprate set of rules. Good luck!

Post # 27
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

So, you had your priorities. In your case, the venue was more important than the people. It’s no surprise that some people are upset about this, and you made it worse by including some cousins but not others.

I’m not sure there’s any way to restore the relationship if you don’t genuinely regret the decision. But if you’re happy with the decision and honestly don’t care about the cousin, then don’t worry about repairing the relationship. You’ve declared that she’s not important to you, and she’s declared in return that you’re not important to her (by unfriending you on Facebook)—so you can just get on with your lives and not be in contact anymore.

(My husband’s aunt unfriended multiple family members, including DH, in a fit of pique after they didn’t attend her daughter’s inconveniently-located wedding. Okay, that’s fine. If she doesn’t want to be in contact, we won’t be in contact.)

Post # 28
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
anonymous03091989 :  

Yeah, for a few reasons…

1. One of the purposes of weddings is to bring family together that doesn’t see each other often – the only time we really got to see each other was “special occassions” and that was one I was looking forward to

2. I have 2 cousins that live far away (plane ride away) – we have a VERY small family..they only have me and one other cousin…they both had “small” weddings that included friends, but the cousins weren’t invited…it was offensive. I find it hard to believe they couldn’t afford 4 more seats (we did receive announcements in the event we wanted to send gifts…I hope you didn’t do that…INCREDIBLY tacky!!) …(I said 4 more seats because I am old school where you include a plus 1 to your wedding…particularly if they have to travel…I probably wouldn’t have brought anyone, but I think the invite should have been extended)

Post # 29
Member
6583 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just because they are family doesn’t mean you owe them anything. I think it was fine to make the cut off at aunts and uncles. I’ve been married to my husband for 6 years and have never even met half of his cousins. Some families are huge and not close.

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