Post # 1
Okay, I am going to try to explain this as best I can, it’s kind of an odd situation and I feel really hurt.
My Fiance and I have the same circle of friends.. We all met in college and have stuck together. Most of the people in our wedding party are either family members or friends from this group. This story involves FI’s best man, and a girl I was going to ask to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (let’s call her A).
Now A and I have been close friends for years, room mates in college, etc. She has been hanging out with the the best man an awful lot lately. Whenever I bring it up to her she tells me that yea she kinda has feelings for him, but it’s not going anywhere. We asked the best man if they’re dating, he says no. Other friends in our group (knowing how close I am to A) are constantly asking ME if they’re dating b/c they are together all the time. I say no and move on.
Well yesterday I was chatting with another girlfriend from this group of friends (also planning on asking her to be a BM) who is not close friends with A at all, but is good friends with the best man. And she tells me that the best man told her that he is dating A and has been for about a month!!!!
WTF. I feel so hurt. A always tells me how I am her BFF and now she won’t even tell me that she is dating my FI’s best friend! I had to hear it from a 3rd party that they’ve been together for a month?!
I feel really hurt. I thought we were close friends. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell me…. Fiance thinks I’m overreacting, but I just think about how I told her everythingggggg when Fiance and I started dating, and she has told me everythingggggg about guys she’s dated in the past.
Any advice? Am I overreacting? I feel like I can’t even say anything to her about it, because she still hasn’t told me they’re dating. Ack, I’m just so upset over this!
Post # 3
I feel you are over reacting. I would be hurt but I think she has reasons why she hasn’t told you yet. It’s still fairly fairly new. Maybe she’s scared it won’t last, maybe your group is so close to each other she doesn’t want her personal life to play out on your social stage… many reasons. You can be hurt but just move on. I do wonder why the best man told someone else though….
Post # 4
I would be hurt too :(. I would talk to her and see what’s going on, maybe she has an explanation that will make it better. If she does, I would just reassure her that you’re always there to talk with her and that you want to know what’s going on in her life. Sorry you have to go through this 🙁
Post # 5
It’s likely that she doesn’t wanna talk about it as it’s a new relationship and she doesn’t know where it’s going yet. I wouldn’t take it too personal.
Post # 6
Maybe they just wanted to keep it a secret for a while, in case it doesn’t last. You’re overreacting…=/
Post # 7
I would talk to her and see what ‘s going on. Let her know that you’re feeling a bit hurt she hasn’t told you about it and you were wondering what was going on.
Post # 8
i think you are overreacting. i would be hurt but, you cant force ppl to share things with you until they are ready to.. if i were in your shoes i would just never bring it up but i would think twice abt making her a BM
Post # 9
Personally, I think she didn’t tell you because you have them both in the wedding and they might be worried that you would think it would mess up the wedding somehow. She could have just thought that you were busy with wedding planning and didn’t want to hear about it. Either way, I would just talk to her and tell her that you found out that they were dating and you wanted to know why she didn’t feel comfortable telling you. I’m sure it will be fine.
Post # 10
I would have to agree and say you are overreacting. Maybe she’s not sure what’s going on, it’s still very soon in any “relationship” and she might want to wrap her arms around her feelings before she starts talking about them. Furthermore, you just got engaged which I am sure is having an effect on her. She may not want to talk about her personal life when you have just had a huge life change in your own. Just something to think about.
Post # 11
Maybe she feels this guy is different from all the guys in the past and she just wants to see where it’s going before she makes it a big deal because she doesn’t want to distract you before the wedding. Or maybe she KNOWS it’s not really going anywhere (even if they are dating) and she doesn’t want you to feel awkward if it ends before the wedding. Honestly, I think you’re stressing way more than you probably should be.
Post # 12
I didn’t read the PPs so I apologize if this has already been said.
I think maybe she hasn’t told you because she doesn’t know if you’re going to be upset about it OR she doesn’t want to steal your thunder for your wedding. Though your wedding is a little ways away (if your the date on your profile is right), so that may not be the case.
I don’t think she’s doing this to leave you in the dark. If you’re good friends, she probably has a reason for not telling you, and though it would annoy the hell out of me too, I think she should get a chance to explain herself first before you get too upset. Maybe you could say something like, “I know you said you’re not dating Best Man, but I would be SO excited for you if you were. He’s a great guy and blah blah blah” (obviously, only if that’s true). That would leave an opening for her to tell you if she wants to.
Maybe she isn’t telling you because she’s not sure if its going to last and she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it in case it doesn’t. Like, if it doesn’t last, maybe she doesn’t want you to feel awkward about still having them both in the wedding party.
Either way, I’m sure you’ll find out eventually why she’s not telling you, and try not to get upset until you know for sure that there’s a good reason to be upset. Easier said than done, I know.
Good luck & keep up posted.
Post # 13
I say you’re slightly over reacting. Granted I would be hurt as well, but maybe they’re trying to keep it on the DL because your group of friends is so close, maybe they don’t want all the attention? I would wait until she brings it up and then let her know you’re hurt she didn’t tell you. Don’t let it affect your friendship or change your mind about asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man though.
Post # 14
Hey everyone. Thanks so much for the great advice. Sometimes I overanalyze things and get offended and I need to be talked down! I just need to clarify a few things…
According to the best man they have been together for a month. My Fiance proposed on Friday night… I haven’t even told them yet!!! So this has nothing to do with stealing my thunder, or concern about both of them being in the wedding party, because neither of them know we’re engaged yet!! My Fiance has already told his friend he is going to the be the best man but I have not told this girl that I wanted her to be in my wedding party. I mean, I’m sure she thinks I’m going to ask because we’re so close… but I haven’t asked her yet.
I’m mostly upset because the best man is okay with telling his friends about the relationship, but she is not okay with telling me? Anyways, I guess I need to just let this one slide, I probly just need some time to cool off.
Post # 15
Have you talked with her about this again? It may be a case of the two of THEM not actually being on the same page.
I’ve known plenty of people who, while starting to date, are not on the same page, emotionally or semantically. For her, “dating” might mean something more formal/structured/defined, and for him it might just mean hanging out/going on dates/etc.
Post # 16
Maybe they haven’t had the talk yet and he considers them dating and she still thinks they are just hanging out. I think your overreacting because as much as you want your friends to tell you things they are not required to and maybe she just isn’t ready to discuss this with you.
I would say that you should just wait it out. You are not in their relationship and you don’t know what it is like and a month is so early on in a relationship that they could still go either way. Wait until she tells you and then maybe say that you heard they’ve been dating for some time already and then she may be ready to discuss it with you.