(Closed) Feeling blindsided by a close friend update.. Please help!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would simply tell her the truth.  You thought the two of you were so close, yet she chose to conceal a relationship.  She has hurt your feelings, simply ask her why.  I would come across in a way that you want to fix whatever is wrong.

Post # 4
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If you are happy for her, why not just bring it up in your next conversation, how you saw the Facebook relationship change and you’re so excited and can’t wait to hear how this happened.  I would make this about her and less about the fact that she’s kept it from you and see if that makes her bring up the reason why she’s kept it from you.  I’ve noticed that this tactic works all the time.  The 2nd party begins to feel guilty over worrying about something that you’ve made it seem wasn’t a big deal and just opens up about it. πŸ™‚

Good luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I haven’t read your other thread, but can I ask a question?

Since you started wedding planning, how much do you talk to her about non-wedding stuff? Is it possible that you’ve simply gotten so wrapped up in the wedding that you’ve actually neglected your friendship and possibly she’s feeling like you don’t care about her?

I ask only because I’ve seen it happen far too many times here on the boards. It’s really easy to get wrapped up in wedding planning, and when your bffs are your bridesmaids it’s really easy to ONLY talk to them about the wedding, and innocently (i.e. unintentionally) forget to ask how they’re doing for months on end.

Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is it possible that she just assumes you know?

I can definitely see assuming, from those kinds of questions, that you had heard (presumably the bf told your Fiance who told you).

I think you should talk to her about it! She’s your friend, she has a right to know that you’re hurt and still care about her!

Post # 8
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I think you are over reacting.  She’s dating a guy you know and like, don’t stress out!  You already knew that they were dating anyway… and this is really no big deal.  It’s not like he gave her a ring! 

Post # 10
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Maybe she felt like you were being meddlesome/nosey by asking so much?

Not saying that makes her a very good friend, just hypothesizing… πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’d be hurt.

But there is some reason as to why she’s hiding this–so I’d just ask her. If you’re close friends, you should be able to talk about these things, right?

You said that you heard about the dating from a friend who talked the guy, right? Well, it may be that she didn’t want to talk about the relationship until it’s “official” in her eyes and perhaps he didn’t have the same ideas about discretion. I mean, don’t you remember the politics of dating? If I were dating a guy who was my friend’s fiance’s friend, I’d probably zip my lips around anyone who could say something that’d get back to the guy (not saying you’re a gossip, but you know things get around). You don’t want to mess things up that way.

But I do also think it’s weird she didn’t admit to dating him–so yeah, talk with her. Be direct but not confrontational.

Post # 13
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think you need to chill out a little. I understand why you’re slightly hurt, but I wouldn’t feel “blindsided”- she told you in the first post she kind of liked him. She probably didn’t want to tell you how much because A. She wasn’t sure B. He’s the best man- she may not have  wanted you to say anything to your fiance and it get back to the Best Man (and lets face it, 98 percent of people confide in their significant other). C. It’s an awkward situation for her. She’s dating your fiance’s best friend- she may not want to involve you if things go sour.

   My best friend doesn’t mention every relationship she’s in with me. Perhaps that’s odd- but when I see her facebook status change I always email to congratulate her (or console) and get the details. Maybe you should send her a supportive email and try being genuinely happy she’s happy.

 

Post # 14
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It does stink when friends don’t live up to our expectations of them πŸ™

I will say this, when J and I started dating, it was after much predicting on the part of our mutual friends – and we were unreasonably excited to post it on facebook because we wanted to see the reactions it would get there. We did call our bffs though… :/

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