Post # 31
Wow, I’m really annoyed for you about how your H is treating you. He sounds very controlling, and also like he has no clue what it’s like to care for a baby.
1) watch whatever TV shows you want to watch. Babies really won’t internalize anything until they’re older. They can’t even fully process conversations until they can speak themselves, so you have time before you even need to worry about what you watch. And tell your husband that sports ARE TV shows, and you should also tell him that he is limited to 30 minutes of Internet a night. See how he likes that.
2) stop eating bread to lose your baby belly?! Um no. I work closely with mothers, and most of them don’t lose their baby bellies even after losing all of their baby weight. It’s a struggle, but it will take a long time to get back to your prepregnancy body if you ever do. You are going to the gym and exercising. So eat whatever you want.
3) as for the mommy group. I think it is a great idea when you’re ready. A ten week old is very hard to bring out in public at times especially when they aren’t napping well. Maybe when the baby is a bit older things will be better.
I think you need to have a serious talk with your Husband about how he is treating you. Perhaps you should even think of returning to work even just part time sooner rather than later if you know that being a Stay-At-Home Mom isn’t for you.
Post # 32
Ha, he would hate me. I was watching The Borgias with my 10 day old baby. We like Ceasar the best. He seems to have a lot of unreasonable expectations of you. Though the mommy group is a good idea. I joined one and plan on going to meet ups when she’s older. It’s nice to talk to people going through the same stuff. Whenever he ‘suggested something I’d probably say ‘oh is that what you did when you gave birth?”
Post # 33
Every time my husband starts giving me his ‘valuable advice’, I tell him to either take over or go away. Since he knows he can’t handle the baby as well as I do, he goes away 🙂
Post # 34
I have nothing nice to say regarding your husband’s attitude toward your new role as a Stay-At-Home Mom, so I’ll say nothing at all but man, oh man! if you could read my mind!
Post # 35
You need to stand up for yourself. Why should he be allowed to tell you what to do, what to watch? he is not your parent and you are not 8
Post # 36
I’m commenting without reading through anything but your OP so sorry if I’ve missed anything…Your DH does not get a say in what you do with your time, period. Right now you have the hardest job in the world, sustaining the life of your brand new baby!
My DD is 4 months old and there are still days where all we do is lay in bed watch tv and have nurs-a-thons. She’s a shitty sleeper, hates the car and her awake time is 1 hour before she implodes. We do almost nothing. For a while we were going to mom and baby sculpt class then she decided she hated the car and it made getting there so stressful. So for the last few weeks our only weekly obligation has been a trip to the grocery store tuesday mornings after her first nap. And if i run out of anything else during the week DH stops by the store for me.
In my opinion at this age baby is too young to understand the TV (obviously baby hears the voices but it doesn’t mean anything to them, its just noise). My time with baby has been quite isolating, she doesn’t take a bottle so we are never apart unless she’s down for a nap and i really need to run to the store. we also co-sleep for now and so we go to bed together in the evenings.
You are doing an amazing job taking care of the baby and shouldn’t have to worry about what you “should” be doing. The two of you will find your groove. In the meantime tell your DH to shut his mouth because he has no idea what its like to have to selflessly give yourself to someone 24/7.
Hugs to you!
Post # 37
Thanks PrincessBride (my favorite movie – Westley was at the top of my list for boy names!)
and thanks everyone else too. I love reading through this thread when I need a pick me up 🙂
We did have a good talk and he’s definitely backed off quite a bit. His suggestions come from a place of love and I think a typical man thing of trying to offer solutions instead of just listening and giving reassurance. So if I express that I’m not happy with the belly, he suggests not eating bread instead of just saying that I look great – he knows it isn’t helpful but can’t seem to help himself – but he will keep trying.
We did talk futher about the TV and the fact that I need to watch some during the day or I will go completely nuts. I agreed to just use my judgement regarding whether the show was too agressive – I get it, he doesn’t want the baby to feel like we live in a house where people are fighting all the time even if it is just on TV. He didn’t grow up with a TV (until he was 18!) so he finds it way harder to just think of it as background noise – it is interesting actually that if a tv is on he has a hard time not watching it whereas for me it is just background.
I feel like I am doing a little better – going the gym helps a LOT. Sleeping more helps a LOT. I still don’t feel like I’m cut out to do this long term and we have also talked about me going back to work early so he can take paternity leave – we’ll see how that plays out. I would love to leave him alone with the babe for a full day but baby won’t take a bottle so I have to stay close by. Plus my husband is one of those annoyingly energetic people who probably wouldn’t be phased by it too much. Already he takes the morning and the evening shifts totally. I feel a bit badly that I brought on your wrath toward him – he really is great – but at the same time not really, some of you really made me giggle and I really needed all the positive comments. xo