Feeling Broken (broke up with fiance after 1 year engagement)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Yes in a way. Heard of “cruel to be kind”? If you want this time for you–then do it. Don’t leave him hanging. Tell him you truly want the space and maybe you guys can touch base again after six months. At the 6 month mark, keep it short and sweet. If it starts escalating to anger again, cut off the conversation and say “it’s nice catching up with you and i would like to keep it this way”. Hang up. Don’t leave him misinterpreting your actions–done is done. It would only get easier with time for him. Also you will get precious time to be by yourself without spending more on worrying about this drama.

Post # 3
Member
9810 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You need to cut off contact with him and completely let go of the relationship.

I’m not sure why you are trying SO hard to make things positive with him. You ended the relationship, there’s no reason to still be putting in this much effort. 

Post # 4
Member
3496 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You weren’t wrong to try and want to end things on a positive note, but it’s clear that he can’t handle having you in his life without being in a relationship with you. Cutting communication is the only healthy step you can take right now, as he isn’t capable of being your friend.

Post # 5
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Yah you need to minimize communication. Most people can’t be friends and regularly communicate with exes. Especially serious ones. He needs to actually feel the break. 

Post # 7
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

Agree with other posters…..it was YOUR choice you ended the relationship, so put a period and very move on!  Your trying to control his emotions by keeping yourself in the relationship (and to make yourself feel better….that is selfish) and this sounds more about you and controlling how he feels by keep him in your life?? That’s not right,  its not fair to him…..move on and let him heal. You said you needed to find yourself outside of the relationship so you don’t need to “keep it positive” as YOU ended it. Let him start over….as you chose to leave.

Good luck bee….in the end you’ll both be ok.  :+)

 

Post # 9
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I was with my fiancé for two years before we broke up for two more years. We’ve been together again for 7. We could NOT speak during that time because it was too difficult. We weren’t meant to ever just be friends. It’s too hard. So I think cut all ties. And see what happens in 6 months. 

Post # 10
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

confusedbridetobe11 :  i should add that it was VERY  brave of you to end things for whatever reason if you didn’t think it was right….that’s very hard, and takes guts, esp after years together.  :+(

Seek counseling to help you sort thru these confusing and sad feelings and in time you never know, but itis not typical for people to be able to just flip a switch and just be friends (esp if both parties didn’t agree or want to end it) as deep feelings were involved so you both need to be on your own and down the road (waaaay down) if it was meant to be…..it’ll be.  :+)

Post # 11
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

You need to leave this guy alone, I’m sure he feels massively strung along by you keeping in touch so much and being over friendly/ nice to him.  It’s harsh, but you’re being selfish here. At the end of the day you two were engaged and you broke it off so you don’t get to be the one to decide that it ends on a positive note.

Post # 12
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

As others have said, definitely need less communication. I can appreciate why you’re trying to spare his feelings as much as possible but at the same time, look at it from his perspective: He (probably) still loves you, still wants to be with you, and feels completely frustrated and helpless by the fact that he can’t change your mind despite desperately wanting to be with you.

 

It hurts for both sides of the breakup (for different reasons, I suppose). But I guess some time apart is for the best, and you can reassess how much or how little you want to do with him down the track.

Post # 13
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

I have to agree with everyone else, you need to cut off contact, if you were in his shoes and he’d ended it and you were still hopeful of a reconciliation how would you feel?

he clearly still cares and is possibly under the impression that you’ve only broken it off to go find yourself and feel more you, constantly staying in contact and showing you’re happier is more than likely making him think “well she’s done what she wanted, maybe we can get back together”

its a tad salt in the wound for me 

Post # 14
Member
566 posts
Busy bee

You’re not being fair to him by keeping contact. Best to sever all ties, have no communication and let him get on with his life and find someone who does want to marry him.

Post # 15
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I read your previous posts and for the life of me don’t understand why you left him. You made it seem like he was so good to you and his family loves you. You obviously still care because you want some form of relationship because you’re texting him a ton. Was there something more to end it or was it all about your family not approving?

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