Feeling Broken (broke up with fiance after 1 year engagement)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
580 posts
Busy bee

As kind as you are trying to be, it’s not beneficial to you, or him, to continue communication now. You are the #1 priority now. I was in a very long relationship, and engaged to someone who had been my best friend for many years. After a lot of pain I ended the relationship and he would contact me on and off, telling me things like I was the only one for him, he would always love me, and other things that were just torturing me.

When your gut (or whatever part) tells you something is off, something isn’t right, and you listened and ended the relationship, you need to follow through on that. It’s really great you value him and wanted to have a good relationship still, but he is emotionally manipulating you and causing you pain. You cannot properly move on, grow and have peace when he keeps trying to burst back in with talking and then launching in to fights.

You need a clean break, which means NO contact of any kind. As other PPs have said, I would let him know that you understand he is hurting, and so are you. You need space to focus on you. Ask him to refrain from communicating with you in anyway, and that if and when you are ready to speak to him, you will reach out. I don’t think giving HIM a time (like 6 months) is a good idea, because he might try to argue less time, might just think that means you WILL come back after that and you really just wanted a “break” from him.

I’ll tell you now, based on what you have shared, and my own experience, he may not take this well. You may very well need to block his number, his emails, block him on social media, tell friends and family to not speak with him or share information (if he continues to try to talk to you or get info about you or to you through them). I would tell my ex: If you respect me at all, please do not reach out to me. I need time for myself. I will reach out to you on my own if I decide to.

Stay strong. I know it hurts, and it hurts to hurt those you care about. But it’s time to focus on you. And while it will hurt him, I am sure this will help him more as well.

Post # 18
2747 posts
Sugar bee

Stop talking to hm! End of drama.  Or do yo secretly like the fact that he’s trying to rekindle?  Because that’s what it sounds like to me.

Post # 19
5082 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

You need to cut off all contact.  Exes can’t be chummy after a breakup. It wasn’t a mutual breakup and you’re dangling a carrot  in front of him by staying in his life. Move on. Block his number.

Post # 20
8773 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper


arosebyanyothername : has a point .

 I think you need to be totally honest with yourself and really make sure a part of you is not secretly flattered at such devotion. Unless he is completely stupid/blind – and it doesn’t seem like he is – your actions are open to a reading of ambiguity at best , aren’t they……

ETA I just looked at some earlier postings of yours and I think ambiguity is actually the keynote. You loved being engaged and threw yourself wholeheartedly into the state , but the man himself was always – or so it seemed-  secondary to the state . He was never your ideal, you made several references to his ‘simple’ lifestyle compared to what you were used to . And though you were not detailed   of course, there never seemed to be much passion involved on your side .

Let him go . Really let him go.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3bjMtqpGBw

Post # 21
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Did you break up with him thinking you wanted time to yourself & then you guys would maybe get back together or do you know he is not the one for you? If you know that he isnt the one for you then its not being kind to continue talking to him. To be kind to him would be to let him go so he can heal & find someone else instead of holding out hope. 

I hope things get better for you bee. Break ups are never easy… especially when you came so close to spending your life with that person. 

Post # 22
1175 posts
Bumble bee

You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You were engaged to be married to this man!!! Then you changed your mind. He’s not some emotional punching bag for you to use to help you through this “finding yourself” process. He’s a separate person with his own life and emotions. You either need to get back with him and give it 100%, or break it off completely. 

Sorry if that sounds harsh but I just don’t see how you don’t get it.

Post # 23
454 posts
Helper bee

The most positive way to end this would be to cut contact, and let him heal and move on.

Breakups are hard, but believing that letting him stay in contact with you, when he so desperately wants to get back together, is somehow a good end note… is inaccurate. It’s a slow, painful death.

If he doesn’t have the strength to stay away from you, you have to take the lead and do what it takes instead.

Post # 24
1364 posts
Bumble bee

I feel really badly for him. 🙁 Yeah, he’s the one contacting you, but it seems that you’ve been leading him on. He’s clearly not over you and you’re letting this continue. For his sake, please cut off contact. The only time, IMO, that being friends with an ex works if it was truly mutual, or if you take a period of no contact and both truly move on before being in one another’s lives again. Let him go. 

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