- 2 years ago
I have been having issues since the start of wedding planning, and it’s only gotten worse. I could REALLY use some advice on this, as I’m feeling bummed and want to cancel the ceremony all together at this point and just elope.
I was originally going to have 2 MOHs, as I have two very best friends in this world…or at least I thought I did. One of the MOHs is going through some stuff with a guy she’s been dating for a few months. Anyway, she told me a few weeks after she had accepted to be my Maid/Matron of Honor that she could no longer be Maid/Matron of Honor and was not sure if she could even be a bridesmaid. It was painful to hear, but I was nice about it and gave her a while to think on it. She told me that she wanted to stay in the wedding as my bridesmaid, but to let my other Maid/Matron of Honor and my FH know what was happening. So, I did.
Flash forward, some stuff happened to her and she is not taking it well. She lives very close to me but has not made any effort to see me or text me. I have tried to make plans with her and she is always either with the bf or tells me she is not up to it. I tried to get her to open up, but she didn’t want to, so I gave her some space for a few months and waited. I invited her dress shopping with me three months later and she came but was crying and sad the entire time due to what was happening. She went home right after we left the store, which is fine, but at that point I was starting to feel bummed out as she is the only bridesmaid in town that can do anything with me. I feel for her but I am also bummed because none of my other bridesmaids have reached out to me or spoken to me much at all except my current Maid/Matron of Honor. I created a group text after I asked everyone and only one person was replying in it; everyone else just ignored it. I just thought that with these people being my most important friends that they would put in a little more effort.
Another one of my friends dropped out of being a bridesmaid because she had other priorities. I was sad but moved on from that. I had an engagement party and my Maid/Matron of Honor and ex-MOH came (although very late), but no other bridesmaids because they are an hour away and they think it’s too far. Well, My FH had mentioned to my ex-MOH something about what had happened months ago and she got offended and left without saying anything to me, and told me things won’t be the same between us and she can’t trust me for a long time. She is a very private person, and was upset that my FH & Maid/Matron of Honor knew about what had happened (although this ex-MOH lived with us for 5 months rent free, so he really already knew, and she told me to tell him and my Maid/Matron of Honor…)
My mother also told me that she doesn’t care if she goes dress shopping with me, which hurt my feelings, because I told her I really wanted her to be there.
My real problem is – I feel like there is a lot of negativity going on with this wedding planning and events. The money is stressful, my bridesmaids don’t care as much as I thought they would, and now I have all this other drama. I don’t know if I can handle someone being up there next to me or going to my events (or not showing up) and having a negative attitude or feeling like there’s a problem between us. My wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, and with all this other stuff being negative, I just don’t even know if I want a wedding. It’s all very negative and it’s showing me who my real friends are (which there are fewer than I thought).
I am meeting up with this bridesmaid/ex-MOH to talk about what happened, and I’m wondering what I should say. I have texted her and apologized so many times, but I feel like there’s nothing else I can do and things will never be the same. Would you ask her to step down from being a bridesmaid? We’ve been friends for six years, but things have been going sour for about 8 months now. Should I just have her be a part of it all and feel miserable and worry the entire time? I am not the type of person that can just let something go.
Any advice would be appreciated.