Feeling Changed – Update 2

posted 7 days ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

No, no, no, no. This early on there shouldn’t be so many issues to work through. I don’t think giving him a second chance is a good idea. 

Post # 3
Member
905 posts
Busy bee

cyclonegal :  I agree with her. WAY too many issues after so short a time. Moving in is a bad idea until he can prove he can change the things you two talked about. Until then, don’t move in with him, and certainly you shouldn’t be putting ANY money towards a future home with him until he has proposed etc. That is just giving your hard earned money away for free. Give it time to see if he can change, if not than you are out. But don’t move in with him until he can prove to fix those things for AT LEAST 5 months. 

Post # 4
Member
4316 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

sweetdee89 :  as a disclaimer, I have not followed your previous threads.

But this sounds like you are trying to change him, trying to mold him into the man you want him to be. That doesn’t usually end well.

It’s a bad sign if you have to remind someone to make you a priority in their life. Why do you want to be with someone who you have to remind of these things?

Post # 5
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

Post # 6
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

Wait, isn’t this the guy who’s basically a 17 year old stuck in 35 year old’s body?  The guy who makes videos with his friends and is super passive and inattentive?  No no.  Nope.

Bee, no one can just turn around on a dime like that.  What do you actually LIKE about this guy?  What makes him worth pursuing like this?  If he’s not just absolutely amazeballs in every other way, then forget it.  Good sex is not a reason to stay dating someone who sucks.  Not too long ago you agreed that it wasn’t worthwhile and that you should definitely break up with him and move on and find someone better.  What happened?

ETA: I just saw that you’re looking to move in with him – nooooooooooo!  Please do not do that to yourself.  Just wait and see if the issues resolve first at least, I beg of you.  It is SO MUCH HARDER to get out of a shit relationship when you’re all tangled up and living together.

Post # 8
Member
4316 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

hickoryhills :  skimming the first thread, he’s 37 and living at home

Post # 10
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee

sweetdee89 :  but you DONT know if you can walk away…you just decided to “walk away” on Sunday (approx. 4 days ago) and now he’s got you right back where you were before the initial conversation. you’re compromising everything and agreeing to “work through things” that you shouldn’t have to work through this early on in a relationship. Hell, some of these things are worthy of walking away from even if you’ve invested *years* into a relationship. 

 

If I can be honest, bee, it seems like you’re fooling yourself by acting like you’ve got such a strong handle on things with this relationship. I don’t say that to be mean, but going back to him 4 days after laying all your cards on the table and having him disregard your feelings with nothing but excuses barely counts as knowing when to walk away :/

Post # 12
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

sweetdee89 :  How is he caring and thoughtful and affectionate if he basically ignored you and never initiated anything before he supposedly is going to do now?  I’m not trying to pound your reasons into the ground, but just be sure that those are qualities that he has directed toward your relationship, not things in his own individual life.

Post # 13
Member
5035 posts
Bee Keeper

This guy sounds like such a loser. I feel bad that you don’t think you deserve better. 

I will say it for you: YOU DESERVE BETTER. 

Post # 14
Member
524 posts
Busy bee

Please don’t move in with him.

Please don’t combine any finances.

Please do not sign any contracts with this guy.

Please do not make joint financial decisions with this guy.

Love bombing can easily sway a girl, a guy will often promise the Earth, Moon and Stars with absolutely no intention of keeping these promises.

How easily your description of him has changed, now he’s a great guy, be careful you’re not being manipulated.

Remember there are a lot of guys out there who are not tied to Mommy’s apron strings and it’s not wise to waste time on guys who are.

Please think carefully about all this, are you absolutely sure he is changing his ways and is going to stick to them and is not just using you. By what you said, it looks like he wants you to rent a place with him so HE can save more for a deposit.

37 year old people do not just change the habits of a lifetime overnight.

What happens if he’s allergic to your cat and can’t live with her?????????????

 

Post # 15
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with others who think this will not end well. You are going to wind up getting rid of the cat, I can see that now. He will “try” to live with the cat and after going through the pretense of trying to live with it for a few weeks, he’ll say he wants it gone. 

 

Bee, this is a very mediocre guy. At best. Why are you making all these objective goals (spend 2 nights a week together, start the weekends on Friday) for a guy that couldn’t be assed to see you on his own more than this for seven months?  Move on and find someone who doesn’t have to be threatened with a breakup to make you a priority.

 

ETA: Bee, his “gives” in your come to Jesus talk are ridiculous. He has agreed to “try” to live with your cat, with a clear out if he can’t.

 

His other “compromise” is to see you one more day a week and have sex with you more. LET ME REPEAT: HE HAS TO BE ARGUED INTO SEEING ONE MORE DAY A WEEK AND HAVING MORE SEX WITH YOU IN A MUTUALLY PLEASURABLE MANNER.

 

Bee, has it ever occured to you that if you were single, you could meet a guy who wanted to please you sexually and see you every second he could- just because he WANTED to? Why are you wasting your time on this guy?

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