- 3 months ago
I wanted to give everyone another update regarding my post regarding my SO. I got many wonderful responses and advice and I want to say that they have been in mind and helping me so much. SO and I talked on Monday in great detail about everything. In the end, we are going to work on things and are now more on the same page.
Here’s the breakdown:
-The plan for living together – his original plan was for us to rent our own place when my lease was up but got the idea to buy. After talking he realized it isn’t the best yet and that if we rent for a year he can save more for a down payment and I can also contribute (I live on my own now so extra money is tight).
-He used to have severe asthmatic attacks around cats but seems to have grown out of them. He does not want me to give up my cat and will try having the cat in our own place together. Cat will not be allowed to sleep in the bedroom with is fine as she often likes the couch. If he starts to have asthmatic attacks after trying to have the cat with us, the cat will live with my mom. Fingers crossed it will be all good and we don’t have to do this option
-Making me more of a priority. He admitted it was his fault for not being able to priotize and he heard me out and realized he needs to do much better. We agreed that he would come to my place after work 2 days a week and the weekends will be more Fri night-Mon morning instead of Saturday afternoon to Mon mon. He will still have his time for his hobbies and friends as well
-The sex thing – I told him that being tired and lazy is not an option for this and it’s not acceptable. He got used to me doing all the work (I’m a pleaser so I can get carried away with pleasing others and forgetting about myself) and again I told him it’s not OK. He understands and will be making a much better effort to initiate sex and do more foreplay. The sex in itself has always been good with him. That’s not been the issue, just the initation of it and foreplay.
If at any time I see that things are not changing or that effort is not being made, I will speak up. I have a bad habit of holding things in and not standing up for myself. I will bring anything that bothers me up. If I feel things aren’t going well, I’m going to then end it for good.
I know in my heart that if I didn’t give it a chance after talking and laying everything out I will regret it.
He truly is a good guy with some flaws that can be worked on. He is honest and funny and loving and affectionate. We do truly get along so well and have so much fun together. He shows his love and feelings in a slightly different way than I am used to so I have missed some of these things as well (he explained some of this to me).
I know that I am able to walk away now when needed and will be able to do so again.
Without you ladies, I would not have had the courage to talk to him or to stand up for myself as I have. You all are amazing and offer great advice regardless if it’s in agreement or not of the situation. <3